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The spirit says “I am gagging for it” the body not so much …….

13 replies

Olderbutwilling · 21/10/2022 17:09

I have namechanged for putting my first post in this section. Hope it’s not TMI for you all but given this part of mumsnet I thought you would be ok with it.

I am not really sure why, but in recent months, my libido has gone through the roof , my DH’s not so much but stayed about the same . He has always been a vanillary sort of chap. Though we have had our moments of excitement to be fair. Anyway fair to say, I think I am a little more adventurous . So to satisfy this (and maybe increased it as well) I have resorted to porn and some “me time” which has been fun and I have picked up ideas along the way.

Ice cubes - tick; electric toothbrush -tick; phone vibrator app -tick: you get the idea. Would love to be a Bdsm sub but I don’t think that will happen. DH unaware of all of this.

The last couple of times we made love , I did suggest newer positions and in recent months I have instigated more oral on him which he never wanted me to do - consents now if he has just showered . So he is responding a bit to my wants.

This morning I asked him to go down on me and use fingers at the same time. I did say that he would probably need to use more fingers than he used to use. It was great and then he finished with some very vigorous fingering which was very intense and I really enjoyed. He went into me using a newer position we tried before, also great, soon after I orgasmed.

I think it may of been that vigorous fingering which made me feel a bit sore internally after. I did have a hysterectomy earlier this year. Maybe that’s why I need more to get any feelings? But I loved it!

So what to do ? I don’t want to put him off and go back to vanilla sex but at the same time don’t want to physically hurt myself.
Any advice?

OP posts:
Lindengericht · 21/10/2022 23:07

Oh same. My sex drive is off the charts and I really really really want to explore.

DH so happy with 3 times a week vanilla.

I've bought things, suggested things... backed off...

Am totally bored, spend all my spare time fantasizing and don't seem to have any opportunity to realise my desires.

Sorry it's not more positive. Solidarity, sister!

addler · 22/10/2022 06:29

Does it feel irritated like there was just too much friction? It might be that you're a bit drier than before your hysterectomy so maybe need a bit of lube to help things along?

Otherwise if it feels more like you've stretched it a bit too much then maybe just taking things a bit slower next time and making sure you're properly stretched before adding in extra fingers etc

Namechanged454 · 22/10/2022 10:15

We had a "vigorous" finger session a few weeks back and I was in pain after...I think you can irritate/graze the internal walls. We then tried about two weeks later and it felt better but still a bit sore...tried again this week and all healed. It was annoying because it didn't feel too vigorous at the time, no pain..
Until after! Ouch! X

Olderbutwilling · 22/10/2022 11:33

Hi all, it did clear up hours later, thanks. The pain was a bruised feeling and I think he had maybe bruised what used to be my cervix. That was removed during my hysterectomy. So the feeling was like internal bruising.
I know that healing down there can take a while ( everything removed) so I think that even after 6 months it is still not better.
I do need more lube these days usually. We didn’t use any yesterday so maybe that didn’t help either.

OP posts:
xpc316e · 22/10/2022 15:47

old.mojoupgrade.com/

The link above takes you to free web-based questionnaire that you and your partner complete separately. It lists various sexual practices and you respond as to whether there is no way you'd do that, love to try it, be happy to try it if partner wished, etc.

The beauty is that when the results are shown your partner does not get to see the things you'd like to try that they answered 'no way' to. That means that there can be recriminations and partners thinking 'You want to try that? You're disgusting'.

You might well find that there are areas of sexuality that you would both like to explore, but are too reluctant to mention for fear of being rebuked. I thoroughly recommend giving it a go.

Olderbutwilling · 27/10/2022 19:14

Well I bit the bullet do to speak and after reading previous posts and other threads have been on a shopping spree.

I did need something to improve kegels anyhow and had recently found I can’t use the neurosimulator sort, I bought recently. It would conflict with another internal electrical device I have, so it has to go back. Unused I might add!

So I discovered that duo balls can work too . I have ordered 2 sorts - strawberries and some metal ones , the latter can be used for temperature play too which might cure me of my ice cube habit!

The metal ones I had to get from Love Honey (really looking forward to those!) ; because I now have very slippery fingers some other things may have fallen into my basket as well. A remote control small anal plug and a quiet playing wand.

I am sure at some point I will be able to introduce DH to the wand . The plug not so much!

I will keep you posted !

OP posts:
B1rd · 28/10/2022 00:26

You've had a hysterectomy. So you must be on HRT patches? If you are. That'll be them doing their thing!

Olderbutwilling · 28/10/2022 09:45

@B1rd
You've had a hysterectomy. So you must be on HRT patches? If you are. That'll be them doing their thing

Well tablets not patches, but yes I think they may be to blame. But it didn’t start straight away , it’s taken a few months .

OP posts:
MovingonfromMartin · 28/10/2022 14:40

I can highly recommend the clitoral stimulator from lovehoney. Superdrug were selling it for less than £30 which far less than the womaniser. I'm in a slightly different situation than you. Raging HRT induced libido surge but husband not interested in any sex at all. This toy has saved my sanity! I'm sure you could use it together although I would recommend you try it by yourself first as it takes a bit of getting used to and it certainly had a surprising reaction from me!

J37 · 14/02/2023 04:05

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Mumskisail · 14/02/2023 04:20

It could be related to the hysterectomy and hormones. Lack of oestrogen causes the skin inside your chains to get thinner and can cause painful sex, bruising and bleeding. My friend had a hysterectomy and couldn't have sex for ages due to this. You might need to review your oestrogen levels and prescription. Yours is a different situation, but for me, since going on HRT I feel so much better down below

Mumskisail · 14/02/2023 04:21

Sorry autocorrect - not chains, it causes the skin inside your Vagina to get very thin...

Rieslinger · 15/02/2023 10:08

Lube always helps.

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