How to do “casual sex”

[Falalalalaaalalalala]

I am probably in the very best place with the way I feel inside and out for a long time and lately I just REALLY miss sex!
I have no intentions of having a relationship, I don’t have the time or the want for one right now but I do want the physical stuff!
I’ve really surprised myself as it’s not something I’ve been interested in for ages but I suppose where I’m feeling good inside and I’ve been loosing weight it’s just changed how I feel.
I just don’t know if it’s something I could do. I don’t want to be a person that uses anyone else but if it was something that was clearly just sex from both sides I’d be up for it but how do you even do that?!
I’ve never had a one night stand since I came out as a lesbian 10 or so years ago and I don’t know how I’d go about it either as I hate clubbing and am not a big drinker which is where these things usually happen or am I missing something?!
I’m currently in a position where I am aware that somebody I am friends with is interested but I just don’t fancy her or I’d genuinely consider a chat about a friends with benefits kind of thing.
Am I just destined to sex with myself forever?! 🤣

@ghostsandpumpkinsalready how lovely for your partner 🙄the level of narcissism is off the chart

But - maybe, just maybe - there are people out there who, if their partner suggested opening their relationship, might step back and think, "do you know what? It's sex. There are things that I can't give my partner, things that they want, that don't threaten our relationship in any way, that don't mean they don't love me and that mean maybe they can feel more "themselves" than society can easily let them be. I love them, I trust them, I know that they love and trust me and I don't feel threatened by this."

Your judgement is very black and white.

I think to open a relationship properly it takes for two very secure people and a solid partnership plus excellent communication. Sadly I think a lot of people are insecure and are not very good at communicating, maybe this is where the black and white views stem from. It's such a shame when some minds are so closed to considering that there are other possibilities, even if those possibilities aren't for them.

@Maybebe there's no maybe about it. Its ridiculous to suggest that one partner deciding they need sex outside the marriage is healthy or a sign of a good relationship, and I think its actually awful to put that pressure on someone you supposedly love. How inadequate would the other person feel? How much hurt are they feeling inside but not showing? If my husband told me he loved me but he needed to sleep around with other women because he had needs I wasnt meeting I would be mortified, and I dont agree with the manipulation that goes on when the partner is coerced to go along with opening up a marriage in the name of well they say they still love me and maybe I should be ok with them having sex with other people! It's a horrible thing to do to someone. And utterly selfish.

If sex is that important and people cant control themselves, men or women, then leave the relationship and allow the other person to find someone else who will be faithful and wont make them feel totally inadequate and manipulate them with - but I still love you - so they can sleep around.

The trouble is some people want the security of a relationship and also the freedom of someone single to sleep around. If you want to do that fine, have all the sex with other people you want, be single! It's a free world. I'll pack your bags for you. Just dont treat me like a mug or manipulate me into going along with it.

How do you know he doesn't mind 🤷‍♀️
Button it ya plank 🤣

And you're absolutely entitled to your opinion, I respect it, it you shouldn't overrule anyone else's. Because you can't conceive of it, doesn't make it inconceivable. Because you would be hurt and upset if this happened in your relationship, doesn't mean that everyone would.

Sorry OP this has derailed your thread - I hope you find what you're looking for

This is like a staunchly religious person trying to convince an atheist that God exists, or vice versa.

What's the point?

OP hope you find a solution.

No need to be obnoxious @ghostsandpumpkinsalready unless he's a simp or a cuck he probably minds, whether he says it out loud or not. Like I say, thanks for illustrating my point, just pure narcissism.

@Maybebe the relationship would be over for me, sadly. I just think a lot of people in these situations feel like they cant win, if they say they're not happy about opening it up they risk breaking up the relationship, and it'll never be the same even if it doesn't go further as they'll feel totally inadequate. It's just ruined. And personally I couldn't tolerate my husband sleeping with other women, I wouldn't want him anywhere near me if I knew he'd been having sex with other people. But I'm not a simp or a cuck, I have my boundaries and I'm not being made a mug of by anyone!

This thread has been massively derailed, the original post was never about open relationships or asking peoples views on casual sex, if you don’t agree with it, simple, don’t read it or start your own thread 🤷🏻‍♀️

Casual sex with no strings Is great. You need a few on the go though incase one is busy. Tinder is great....Full of men just after 1 thing. I probably had sex with 12 different guys in space of 3 months. Don't judge. We used each other. I was just out of 14 Yr sexless and unhappy relationship and I didn't want another relationship. Then I met a guy on tinder and we've been together nearly a Yr now.

For goddess' sake the OP is a lesbian! Lesbians don't do casual sex.
Which is why her recourse is probably either bi or bi-curious women...

Why the fuck are we talking about open relationships? Completely irrelevant to the original post.

I think "casual sex" is a misnomer. Of course, there must be some kind of chemistry and connection to get naked with another human being. You're hardly going to fuck someone you don't fancy on some level. But that doesn't mean you have to be in a committed relationship to have sex... it is absolutely possible to have a meaningful intimate connection with another person for one night only. For me, the number of people I sleep with is secondary to the respect and care I show each of them. And I expect the same in return.

OP, I'd second the advice to check out Skirt Club and Killing Kittens. Use it as an opportunity to join a community of like minded women and explore your desires in a non-judgemental environment... unlike Mumsnet!

Depends how highly sexed you are. I have slept with quite a few that were not my type, nor did I fancy. I simply wanted c*ck to put it bluntly. Partly low self esteem and partly hyper sexual. Yes I was judged for it but I became very very desperate.

Depends how highly sexed you are. I have slept with quite a few that were not my type, nor did I fancy. I simply wanted cock to put it bluntly. Partly low self esteem and partly hyper sexual. Yes I was judged for it but I became very very desperate.

That's really sad.

I'd consider myself to have a very high sex drive. I like fucking people. But I don't think I've ever slept with someone I didn't find attractive on some level, even on a ONS. I think that speaks more to self esteem than sexual appetite.

Hopefully OP is searching for partners who she at least likes in some way!

Yes it was sad. I was in a loveless and sexless relationship for 14 years. Left him just before lockdown and found myself being very desperate. Discovered tinder after lockdown and went mad. That said, I met by now bf on there and he's build my self esteem up completely without judging me for previous behaviour. It turns out iv never been in love before until now and I'm 35 lol.

Yes hopefully op has their head screwed on.

I actually don't think queen of the hill ( she's changed her name now) has it far wrong. But would imagine that we're both older than the 20 or 30s on here. I did the ONS, the FWB and they're not always great. If you don't find the right man, then they can make you feel like you're only a vagina. That destructs your self worth.

I guess a general rule is would you like to see him hovering over you and more importantly, what are you going to chat about when sex is over? How would you feel if he said, that's great and walked out?

Some casual relationships can work. But its not often that they do and make you fulfilled.

Id rather have a vibrator now. Less hassle, less complicated and I can put it back into the drawer

@B1rd the OP is a lesbian...

I don't think she'll need to worry about feeling like she's 'only a vagina' 😆