Sex with my ex has put me off sex completely

[Netflixandaps]

I'm bisexual, so this doesn't apply to women, but being intimate with a man has been kinda ruined by sex with my ex partner. He was (in my opinion) far too 'out there' with what he wanted/expected and there was literally no compromise, even his ex felt the same, I either did it or he went elsewhere, which he did...

I have had sex with men since but i just don't enjoy because I'm worried what surprise will be dropped on me as his kinks only appeared later on, they weren't mentioned straight away cause I would have gone there and then.

How will I ever trust a man won't pull this shit on me again? .... or shall I just stick with a woman... 'cause my experience so far has been pretty f* amazing!

Your choice...there are plenty of nice normal men out there who will put your needs first just as there are a few selfish uncaring men. All you have to do is find one...and the same I suspect, would apply to ladies...many lovely ones...a few rotten apples...as with just about anything in life really..

You've obviously had a bad experience with a man, if you weren't bisexual would you never have sex again? Talking from experience you'll always meet people and invariably be mismatched sexually (that can happen with a man or a woman, it's down to the person to be honest and upfront if there's something 'out there' they're into) but when you are well or perfectly matched it's amazing whether that's with a man or a woman or whatever floats your boat.

I was put off sex for a long time by an ex who was massively into one kink, I went along with it, then realised I just wasn't, and it became an issue.

My advice would be (possibly terrible!) go with some casual partners to explore what you like and don't like, watch sex, what is your yes/no/maybe try that. Start from a place of being upfront and most guys work around you. And don't blame yourself that the kinks appeared later, I guess he felt comfortable to show you, but in future you can set out your parameters of what you are comfortable with.

Oh and as PP said loads of men who are amazing in bed and not into kinks!

One person's kink is another's normal but I would imagine I fall into the very normal. Love sex but just straight forward gentle passionate lovemaking..plenty of us out there...you just have to find us!

I agree with the PP about casual partners / FWB. That did wonders to me- just to have no strings attached sex with someone who will not judge you, try a lot of things, see what you do or don't like.
It could help you establish your boundaries as well as communicate them to your future partners.

I'd vote that you carry on having amazing sex with women...

But I also found that having a patch of lots of ONSs with men and couples helped me practice setting boundaries and speaking up for what I did and didn't want. A big part of that was writing what turned into a diary - allowed me to reflect on things I'd done that didn't work and why on earth I'd got into that situation, but also things that did work, patterns etc. Therapy helped too but writing/ journalling was a really big part of it.

Sorry you had this experience, but I don't think it's related to this guy having kinks, women have kinks as well. Its to do with trust and respect. He clearly had no respect for you and was unwilling to listen and more importantly hear what you wanted. He forced what he wanted on you with no regard for your feeling. That's unacceptable, but isn't to do with kinks it's his general attitude.

I hope over time you do meet someone who can restore your faith in men, we are not all like that, but hey, why not stick with women for a while?

I would stick with women. Of the few women I’ve known to have experienced sex with men and women, the women have always been the best sexual experiences.