Did a vibrator (or anything else) help you have your first orgasm?

[Honeylover333]

I don't think I've ever had an orgasm. I enjoy the intimacy of PIV sex, but it doesn't make me at all orgasmic. I've tried vibrators, alone or with a lover, and they don't work either.

Nearest I have reached is an increasing sensation while stimulating the area near my clitoris. But as it nears a peak it becomes too intense, I have to stop and it fades away. Same if DH is doing it, and it was the same with all the men I slept with before him.

Does anyone here have experience of long-term inability to orgasm? Did you find a solution?

Some MNers (always helpful!) have recommended a Satisfyer or a Womanizer, which work by stimulating the clitoris with air waves. I'm feeling a bit timid about anything that directly stimulates the clitoris, as it's the intensity of feeling that prevents me going (I think) far enough. Does anyone have any thoughts on that?

Thanks for any advice.

---

If you've found this page in your search of orgasm gels and orgasm lubes that have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best orgasm gels useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

The Satisfyer has levels of suck! The lowest one is very light. I usually flick up to level 3. It costs £28 on Amazon and I would recommend using it when there's no-one in the house, so you can relax.

I struggle to orgasm when I'm stressed. I just leave it it a lower vibration level. But sometimes it takes time to orgasm.

Read something erotic whilst you're plugged in. Take your anxiety away.

Try a wand vibrator, for me stimulating just to the side of my clitoris is the best. I find using lube helps, I have a slow sex specific one.

Do you fantasise? I have to be aroused to start feeling pleasure that builds up to orgasm. The more turned on I am, the faster I will orgasm. The brain and the clitoris are definitely connected.

You could try using the vibrator on your clit through your underwear..? Might lessen the intensity...

I think this is all about the mind… somehow set aside you own pressure to finish. I encourage you to try all kinds of ways because somehow you will brake this ice and after that you have solved this 🙂 Not saing it will be easy but start and look at this as a fun journey. Maybe you partner is the key… he can try new ways and learn. Allow him to experiment. Make this fun and without pressure. I have been involved in similar, we went from hardly ever to most often and this was 80% mind and 20% technique. Positive atmosphere was crucial.

My first orgasm was courtesy of someone’s tongue, many moons ago. I almost had the horse and carriage parked outside back then 😀. I regularly climax with a vibey though. Ensure you use one with variable speed. Maybe a waterproof one in the bath. And experiment on your own.

I had my first big proper orgasm with a vibrator which wasn’t until I got to my 30’s, I couldn’t believe I had been missing so much when I finally reached the Big-O. I realise that my failure in achieving an orgasm was because I didn’t allow myself to reach the peak, once you get to that point, keep going. Satisfyer and Womanizer are similar and both very good.

@Honeylover333 yeah no expert here I’m afraid, but sounds like you stop before it happens because it’s feeling too intense. And yeah a woman has to be in the mood and the mind is more linked than a man’s.

We can just flick a switch and all the thoughts go out of our head. But I know my exw wouldn’t be in the mood for sexy time if she had something on her mind

I think it’s a bit of a mind block that you now have that doesn’t let you get there, as you get closer.
For me - orgasms are always something that only happens with a particular stimulation, and mostly by myself - I think my mind just can’t let go when it’s someone else.

In your place - I’d sort of experiment on your own and with different toys. And don’t try to think of the goal - just see what different stimulations make you feel.
I also get the toys being too intense at times - but instead of stopping completely and losing the accumulated excitement - why not turn down the intensity and move away from the most sensitive area. And keep going.
Put on some port too - it may take your mind off from focusing on the orgasm. Try to synchronise the movements of the toy o the movement of the man on screen.
Anything to trick your mind and break the mind block you have about it.
Good luck!!!!

I think - but can’t remember - there was some tutorial somewhere for women struggling with orgasms. if it is real - Maybe someone comes along who knows more…

Dry humping my pillow gave me my first orgasm. I didn’t actually realise that’s what had happened until a few years later. All I did know was that the tingles felt good, better. OMG what the fuck just happened.

Try lube and the flat of your fingers on the whole area rather than just concentrating on your clit, when you get near that too intense point, ease off the pressure and then just … trust… let yourself go – it’s only your mind that’s stopping you at that point.

I find vibrators on my clit too intense, painful almost. They’re not for everyone!

Thanks for all these thoughts, everyone.

My vibrator is my go to now but my first orgasm and my orgasms for a good few years all came from my fingers and starting to masturbate manually.

My vibrator gets me off really quickly and gives me the strongest orgasms so I will normally usually unless I'm travelling and then it is back to my reliable fingers!

@Honeylover333 have a look at shespot.co.uk as they have pleasure boxes designed especially for women and they include things like vibrators, lube and audio erotica to help get you in the mood. I was gifted their box recently and the vibrator & lube combo was such a gamechanger for me being able to orgasm. It sounds like a lot of what your describing is a bit of a mental block, so switching off and listening to a sensual meditation or something could really work for you!

Your stopping too soon keep going.

Shower spray.

Oral B 😜

Yep. I was fed up with having sex but no orgasms or masturbating and not quite getting there.

I thought that I was weird as I'd had loads of sex and enjoyed it so I must have cum at some point. Then a friend said that if I wasn't sure, I hadn't cum.

She was right. I bought a vibrator and OMG on the first go. Remember thinking 'Ah!! So that's what all the fuss is about!!'

The satisfyer is unbelievable & makes me orgasm harder than ever before with anything else. But it is intense. Keep going with it!!