Sex after children

[Laura2211]

I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old & im embarrassed to admit my partner & I haven’t had sex in nearly 2 years. It’s all down to me as I just feel internally exhausted ALL the time & I just don’t have any interest anymore. My partner is frustrated at me as we never have sex anymore. He told me he’s fed up & can’t live in a sexless relationship. Which I understand is fair, but I just really can’t get in the mood for sex. My children don’t sleep well at night, they need constant entertainment during the day, we both work full time & the last thing I feel like in the evening in sex! I feel like I could easily go my life without having to worry about it anymore. But that obviously isn’t going to work for my relationship. 😥
i suppose part of the reason for my lack of interest is that I don’t feel emotionally connected to my partner anymore. We just never have anytime for each other. My partner also wasn’t around much in the first few months of my 1 year olds life as he was dealing with a death in his family so I felt like I went through the early months of his life on my own & juggling a toddler & a baby was insanely hard. And I feel like that created an even bigger gap between us, as I wasn’t able to support him emotionally as much.
Can anyone help with how I can satisfy my partner when I really don’t feel like sex? If you’d said to me 3 years ago that I’d be sitting in a sexless relationship, I wouldn’t have believed it….& I can’t believe I don’t even care about it

Try listening to the Podcast - "Don't buy me flowers." It's the one with Dr Karen Gurney- aka The Sex Doctor, she's also on Instagram. She talks a lot about our sex lives post kids. She's also got a good book called "Mind the Gap." Worth a read.

Well as you know you can satisfy him, and who knows once you start, you may get in the mood. However, he will potentially find this more upsetting knowing you are only doing this for him and not because you want to.

You need to talk to him and together see if there is a way to reconnect. I say so, because ultimately a sexless relationship long term isn't a marriage and frequently results in one party being vulnerable/tempted to cheat of the opportunity occurs. I only read in the paper last week an article from a woman, similar to you and then found out he was seeing someone else. They split up. She outlined her regret at not making a priority to keep their relationship intimate.

The good thing is by posting here, you realise there is a problem and you need to work together

Can you organise a way to spend time with him alone. A baby-sitter, ready meals bought and ready for next meal.
Two hours away from house and free of worries. An afternoon even better.
Just get somewhere else and talk. It will probably start as a few incoherent mumblings.

You need to convince him that he is the only other person in the world for 2 hours. You need to convince yourself - or put on a good act - that he is the only person you want to talk to.

We always sit in the car park of a National Trust place when we want to talk. Not pub, too busy, its distracting.

can you get a babysitter to spend more time together, to re-connect? That will help.