This seems strange or am I strange?

[itscomplicatedagain]

I'd like some advice on a man I'm dating or at least I think I'm dating. We are 45 and 52, both been married before. Both have kids.

We met online in December 2021, met in person in January. Got on really well, shared interests, similar outlooks, lots of chat.

He didn't make a move on me apart from a few hugs and so after a few months I asked him if we were more than friends or just friends and he kissed me so I had my answer. All seemed good. Lots of messaging while he was away on business abroad and it seemed like we were both keen to sleep together.

He came back to the Uk and we had sex or tried to. It was very passionate. Then he lost his erection and we abandoned it. ( his idea to stop)

Since then I kissed him a few days later and he backed off a little and didn't want to take things further it seemed. This was in July.

I've talked to him and he's been non committal about the physical side of things. He finds it hard to discuss it. We see each other a lot. There's hugs but no real touching or kissing but I haven't initiated anything again.

I know I need to talk to him again but I'm scared he either doesn't find me attractive and/ or just wants a friendship. We see each other a few times a week and message each other in between.

I've never had a situation like this before and I'm very confused. I have no previous experience of this and feel completely out of my depth.

Any ideas?

I see no need to interpret what you've described as him not finding you attractive. It sounds more like he's got performance anxiety and your only going to get past that with patience and compassion.

I agree with @Estherpologist , the poor chap is embarrassed. Maybe both get your clothes off and do everything but penetration for a while? That can happen in the fullness of time.

Also Agree with @Estherpologist , certainly sounds like sexual performance anxiety, some use viagra as a bit of a “backup” to help overcome this issue until normal functions are resumed

Please don't push him towards Viagra. That could underline any sense of inadequacy. Take the pressure off him.

I agree it sounds like he is anxious perhaps he suffers from ED and terrified to let you down so he is shying away

Thank you for the replies. I feel like he's avoiding any situation where we could get close so I shall have to broach it very carefully. He's keen on meeting outside the house especially since this happened.

I don't know if it's relevant but he's given up alcohol since his last relationship so I wonder if thats made it worse as when we've had a few drinks we are less anxious!

The OP doesn’t need to mention it, but for some men concern about sexual performance ( especially with someone new), can be quite overwhelming sometimes

I guess he does feel overwhelmed. I want to be sensitive and don't want to cause him any more anxiety.