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Sex

Vibrator users

19 replies

lauraUK1000 · 16/09/2022 17:13

Another thread got me thinking about this. I had a vibrator when I was younger but then did not have one for a while until I got another at the start of Covid and we were not living together. Now we are and got married also.

I never expected to but with work from home giving me lots of opportunity I have got to the point where I am using my vibrator every day and almost feeling a bit embarrassed. My husband has said recently that our sex life is great so it seems that it is having a positive effect but I'm wondering if I should tell him about my vibrator use at all?

OP posts:
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Mxflamingnoravera · 16/09/2022 17:45

Why not? Why keep it secret? It might make your sex luff even better if he knows you're feeling horny.
Sex toys are almost as much fun shared by talking about them as they are in use. I'm my opinion obvs.

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Namechanged454 · 16/09/2022 19:15

I agree with PP. I don't know how common it is but me and my oh often tell each other when we've had solo sessions..even down to what we watched/thought about during. I love how open we are, we talk about all things sex...I'd tell him! I bet it gets him very excited 😍

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mags1862 · 16/09/2022 20:13

Yes tell him about it and invite him to use it with you , maybe ask him to buy a different one too .

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Fruititty · 17/09/2022 12:00

Yes you should tell him, especially as its having a positive effect for you both. Why not use it when he is in the shower and going to come back into the bedroom at any moment. Let him catch you in the act and see what his reaction is.

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User47484739478474 · 17/09/2022 14:31

My Dp has often got turned on knowing I've used it at home. As long as it's not effecting sex life, in your case you say it's not so I would tell him!

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Namechangeforthis9 · 18/09/2022 06:31

MyDH said he wanted to get one for us to use together. Whilst I was a little apprehensive at first, he bought it without saying anything and one night introduced it with me laying and enjoying him gradually trying it on different parts of my body culminating on using internally. It was an incredible orgasm that kept in going. Would certainly recommend using together

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JulieS1 · 19/09/2022 01:31

I always think of it as my time. With kids and busy time its difficult for me and hubby to get private time. I dont lie but dont tell him but I do look forward / enjoy the nights when he is away with work. It keeps my sex drive in check. Its not a substitute for sex, but helps keep needs in check. Lock down reminded me of how much I needed me time. Months with no privacy and everyone in the house!

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StarlightLady · 19/09/2022 09:19

Once in a while, l like to be held when using a vibey but no more than that; l find the needs for 1:1 sex and “me time” to be totally different. One is about sharing the other is pure self indulgence.

Good vibrations are generally part of my daily wake up routine and essential during a period.

I have 2 in the bedside drawer, a waterproof one in the bathroom and a small bullet vibey goes everywhere with me in my makeup bag.

Never let a man “drive” 😂! l don’t find it works if a man tries to use one on you, you need someone who fully understands how a woman works. Nor do l feel the desire or need to announce to anyone when they have been used.

Suffice to say that any “breakdown” requires prompt replacement.

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Fruititty · 20/09/2022 12:49

I agree StarlightLady. I have lost the charging wire to my favourite toy. Its going to be a long three days till its replacement arrives 😁

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StarlightLady · 20/09/2022 13:16

@Fruititty Always have a spare vibey in the drawer on individual welfare grounds. It’s common sense.

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Fruititty · 20/09/2022 14:44

I have a variety but there's always a favourite (I don't tell the others)

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Estherpologist · 21/09/2022 07:04

On one level, yeah, why not tell him. It might lead to a lot of fun and strengthen your relationship.
On the other, he might feel threatened by it, or worry it means you think he's not up to the job.
You're the best judge of which way ot will go. Have you ever discussed sex toys together? Do you want him to know? How does he react to things that challenge him? Can you introduce the subject gently and leave yourself room for damage limitation if it doesn't go to plan.
Good luck. ❤️

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StarlightLady · 21/09/2022 07:20

I’ve known men feel threatened by them. I have just explained to them that as much as l enjoy time with them, they do not vibrate no matter what they do.

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Samantha87 · 21/09/2022 09:11

Yes yes yes. Tell him. My bf loves the thought of me playing with myself. I tell him whenever I do and he comes home hard as nails.

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Raul57 · 21/09/2022 09:20

Hi
I'm a male we are bout in our early 60's.
We are from an Asain background
We've used vibs and dils but it was my preference.

Even as a man I'm embarrassed to tell my wife when I have sex with myself

Re my wife/OH she had never admitted to self sex possibly because of the way she was brought up but during the last 12 months, she pleasantly surprised me that she had used the vib when I was out and really enjoyed it.

Now I look forward to her telling me when we are making love and it turns me on even more.

Men often I think fantasies more than women and their OH telling them something like this for me anyway is 10/10.

When we make love, rarely these days, we often use a toy often I suggest and my OH agrees 99% of the time.

IMO, you can tell him and I think it would be good for your sex life ie both of you but a small chance he may take it negatively, especially if small down there.

Only you can decide but if you google, the majority of men have many sexy desires/etc/etc, lol


ps - reading through another couple of posts as i type, other ladies here sort of agree with me ie men often like this kind of news/stuff.

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Funberry · 22/09/2022 23:42

as a guy, I love the thought of a lady using a toy, a big turn on.

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birdinabasket · 23/09/2022 12:53

I’m aware that may get some criticism for this post. Could I please ask that you try to be kind as it’s taken a lot for me to build the courage to do this.

I have been married a while now and have children that I adore. I love my husband and would not want to do anything to hurt him. He’s kind, caring and the best dad I could wish for to our children.

The thing is, that love has changed over the years. Life, children, the demands of life and work I guess all impact that. Add to that the fact that as we have aged, we have become different people, either becoming more (or less?) physically responsive and self-aware, evolving in our beliefs and the awareness of the roots of those beliefs (and false beliefs) and feeling an increased separation in how we are able to relate with one another. When we were younger and until having children, lovemaking/sex was fun, exciting, adventurous and very physical. We’ve both changed over time and our appetites have changed. We no longer have the intimacy that we once had, and we sure as hell don’t have the adventure.

I have become more physical and voracious in my desire for sex. Not just the volume, but also the intensity, the variety.

I wish I knew why this was. Maybe getting older does that? I feel like I’m reaching my prime at a time my husband is losing sight of his. I have tried to talk to my husband about it many times and share with him my thoughts, desires and fantasies. Hoping against hope that he might have a revelation or injection of libido from my honest sharing, instead he dismisses me, laughs at me (not jeeringly but more patronisingly) and this makes me feel somehow shameful, alone and weird.

My first question is ‘Am I weird?’

I feel totally alone in this place. My friends, though they can identify with this experience make light of it as if that’s just the way it is. Is it?

‘Just the way it is’?
Do I need to just accept that and put a lid on it?

My second question is more of a controversial one.

Does anybody have someone that they can trust that has filled this gap for them?
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking whether it’s possible to have someone in my life who is in the same situation reversed, who is married and has no intention of doing anything to upset the balance in their life, who will not fall for me or place demands on me, and who can fulfil a physical and synergistic role in my life. Someone who I can have mind blowing (or at least satisfying) sex with in a way that helps me to get on and love my family, my husband, my life without feeling resentment?

Is this complete fantasy or is it possible? I’ll be honest. I’ve looked to see if that exists. I can see much evidence in other countries but not in the UK. Do we not do that kind of thing here or am I looking in the wrong places?

The internet is amass with absolute predatory scum who will jump on the first thing that moves. If I were to consider this, I’d want to know that I’m safe, that I can meet a genuinely kind and adventurous person that I can get on with, not feel uncomfortable in my mum bod and just have some fun, intimacy and great sex. I’m not interested in sleeping around, or having transitory or transactional sex. And I’m not going to join some dating or hook up app.

Does anybody identify? And I’d be interested to know your experiences, positive and negative and where you started.

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Samantha87 · 25/09/2022 16:26

birdinabasket · 23/09/2022 12:53

I’m aware that may get some criticism for this post. Could I please ask that you try to be kind as it’s taken a lot for me to build the courage to do this.

I have been married a while now and have children that I adore. I love my husband and would not want to do anything to hurt him. He’s kind, caring and the best dad I could wish for to our children.

The thing is, that love has changed over the years. Life, children, the demands of life and work I guess all impact that. Add to that the fact that as we have aged, we have become different people, either becoming more (or less?) physically responsive and self-aware, evolving in our beliefs and the awareness of the roots of those beliefs (and false beliefs) and feeling an increased separation in how we are able to relate with one another. When we were younger and until having children, lovemaking/sex was fun, exciting, adventurous and very physical. We’ve both changed over time and our appetites have changed. We no longer have the intimacy that we once had, and we sure as hell don’t have the adventure.

I have become more physical and voracious in my desire for sex. Not just the volume, but also the intensity, the variety.

I wish I knew why this was. Maybe getting older does that? I feel like I’m reaching my prime at a time my husband is losing sight of his. I have tried to talk to my husband about it many times and share with him my thoughts, desires and fantasies. Hoping against hope that he might have a revelation or injection of libido from my honest sharing, instead he dismisses me, laughs at me (not jeeringly but more patronisingly) and this makes me feel somehow shameful, alone and weird.

My first question is ‘Am I weird?’

I feel totally alone in this place. My friends, though they can identify with this experience make light of it as if that’s just the way it is. Is it?

‘Just the way it is’?
Do I need to just accept that and put a lid on it?

My second question is more of a controversial one.

Does anybody have someone that they can trust that has filled this gap for them?
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking whether it’s possible to have someone in my life who is in the same situation reversed, who is married and has no intention of doing anything to upset the balance in their life, who will not fall for me or place demands on me, and who can fulfil a physical and synergistic role in my life. Someone who I can have mind blowing (or at least satisfying) sex with in a way that helps me to get on and love my family, my husband, my life without feeling resentment?

Is this complete fantasy or is it possible? I’ll be honest. I’ve looked to see if that exists. I can see much evidence in other countries but not in the UK. Do we not do that kind of thing here or am I looking in the wrong places?

The internet is amass with absolute predatory scum who will jump on the first thing that moves. If I were to consider this, I’d want to know that I’m safe, that I can meet a genuinely kind and adventurous person that I can get on with, not feel uncomfortable in my mum bod and just have some fun, intimacy and great sex. I’m not interested in sleeping around, or having transitory or transactional sex. And I’m not going to join some dating or hook up app.

Does anybody identify? And I’d be interested to know your experiences, positive and negative and where you started.

I can relate to your frustration. I was with someone for 14 years with an awful sex life. I have a very very high sex drive. I have done since I was 16. Its constantly on my mind I need it twice a day usually. We had 2 children together and obviously they came 1st so sex is always going to take a back seat but my then bf lost interest. I put up with it for the kids, my vibrators kept me sane! I Eventually left him! (Alot more reasons than no sex) I joined tinder and found that I was a coiled spring waiting to be set free. I turned into abit of a slag tbh.....meeting randoms just for sex sometimes 2 in a day. Had some good sex and some rubbish sex. I'm a size 18 and insecure about my body but my constant need for sex over took any insecurities. My self worth was at an all time low due to my ex bf so I just wanted c**k and didn't care where from. Youre right though, there are alot of predetors online. I Met my current bf on there and he's AMAZING. An amazing person and great in bed. I have all the sex I want and more and I also have more sex toys than ever before that he's bought for me. Iv told him I'd have to find a play mate if he lost his sex drive and equally he should do the same and I'd be ok with it.

Good luck

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JamesBondOO7 · 25/09/2022 16:54

Sites like Fabswingers can help as many single or pretend singly guys are ready to pay for a hotel and even better a lot of younger men aged 21 to 30 and at times well hung are up for it with ladies double their age and more
NSA fun but as always be careful who you meet etc etc

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