Too loose | Mumsnet

Rosebel · 2022-09-12T02:22:38+00:00

A couple of days ago my DH said I was too loose for him to get any friction. I do tend to get very turned on during sex but I can always feel him. I've had 3 children so obviously not as tight as I was (although 2 were by c section so not sure it's relevant). Last night he wanted sex but I said no and why. He did apologise and said he said he still enjoys having sex. Is it worth doing pelvic floor exercises again, didn't really bother after last baby 2 years ago? Will it actually make me tighter? Or is that just how it is now?

Andypandy799 · 12/09/2022 14:42

What a horrible thing for him to say smh I would make him sleep on the couch for at least a week until he comes grovelling back

Hensintheskirting · 12/09/2022 14:52

Perhaps his penis has shrunk?

Oldtadger · 12/09/2022 14:54

Not sure it's a horrible thing to say unless he said it in a nasty/derogatory way.

Sex is for both parties and if there is an impediment to it being good/great then both parties should be aware of it. Then you can look at addressing it if possible.

As to finding a solution...... the OP is doing the right thing by exploring and searching. It's easy to find and apply lube but more difficult to do the opposite.

Oldtadger · 12/09/2022 14:56

Hensintheskirting · 12/09/2022 14:52

Perhaps his penis has shrunk?

You may well be right. Whilst the ruler has not been out for a number of years I am definitely a bit smaller than I was when I was 18 (now 59).

DidYeEye · 12/09/2022 22:53

I hope he was gentle in his delivery of this message?

Take away the need to please him and consider your pelvic floor health a priority for you after 3 kids. Do you leak wee at all (all the usual jokes that try and normalise it in TV ads, but if you're on a trampoline or laughing hard etc) then that's something you should address and the pleasant side product of that is better tone and 'tightness'.

You can look up pelvic floors exercise online, or apps (like squeezy app) or devices like the Elvi or kegal smart. Or visit a women's health physio.

cheshirebloke · 13/09/2022 00:08

I'm currently on the other side of this, and I absolutely haven't been able tell my DP - there's simply no way to explain without it upsetting her. The biggest sensation a man feels during sex is friction, and that's a product of tightness and lubrication. Most of the time I simply can't feel any sensation during sex - I can't even feel any difference between being inside her and not. The only way I can feel anything is when I thrust with a really oblique angle, which puts a bit more pressure on one contact point.

DP's pelvic floor is fine though (she's had physio and done exercises for other reasons). But am I right in thinking that pelvic floor tone only really affects the vaginal entrance? Everything feels pretty normal there, relatively tight, but when I put a couple of fingers inside her I've noticed that I can open them out as wide as I like, with no resistance - simply can't touch both sides at the same time. So there's not a chance that my penis will fill that space either.

There are some non surgical laser treatments that claim to be able to tighten the vagina, expect it's pretty expensive and who knows how effective.

DidYeEye · 14/09/2022 20:21

@cheshirebloke done correctly, exercises should improve tone within as well, and can improve urinary and fecal incontinence. It's more than just tensing and releasing essentially.

Aladywhohasnoname · 21/09/2022 11:11

Oh OP I am glad you have brought this up as it’s something I constantly worry about - as I am sure many women do.
Interesting to see replies from men too, as I suspect my husband is being polite. He always assures me that everything is fine and I can also feel him, but having had three children naturally, I know it doesn’t feel quite like it did pre babies.
I hope he was gentle to you when he mentioned it. I would rather have someone be upfront and tell my kindly, that way I can be proactive and try to make changes.
I have considered laser or surgery but like a PP said, it is expensive.

AubadeIsIt · 21/09/2022 15:09

cheshirebloke · 13/09/2022 00:08

I'm currently on the other side of this, and I absolutely haven't been able tell my DP - there's simply no way to explain without it upsetting her. The biggest sensation a man feels during sex is friction, and that's a product of tightness and lubrication. Most of the time I simply can't feel any sensation during sex - I can't even feel any difference between being inside her and not. The only way I can feel anything is when I thrust with a really oblique angle, which puts a bit more pressure on one contact point.

DP's pelvic floor is fine though (she's had physio and done exercises for other reasons). But am I right in thinking that pelvic floor tone only really affects the vaginal entrance? Everything feels pretty normal there, relatively tight, but when I put a couple of fingers inside her I've noticed that I can open them out as wide as I like, with no resistance - simply can't touch both sides at the same time. So there's not a chance that my penis will fill that space either.

There are some non surgical laser treatments that claim to be able to tighten the vagina, expect it's pretty expensive and who knows how effective.

Is there a pre- and post-baby factor here? Or are you just small?

cheshirebloke · 21/09/2022 16:04

AubadeIsIt · 21/09/2022 15:09

Is there a pre- and post-baby factor here? Or are you just small?

Show quote history

I don't know with my current DP - we only met after she'd had kids, so no pre baby experience with her. I have had a few other relationships with women who've also had kids (all natural births, no c sections), and they didn't feel loose/lacking sensation. If I was small then I'd have noticed the same thing with other partners. But yes, vaginas come in a range of sizes, just like penises I suppose.

As I said, I think it's more to do with the shape of DP's vagina - it opens up significantly inside, feels more balloon shape than tunnel shape if that makes sense.

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 21/09/2022 17:36

cheshirebloke · 13/09/2022 00:08

I'm currently on the other side of this, and I absolutely haven't been able tell my DP - there's simply no way to explain without it upsetting her. The biggest sensation a man feels during sex is friction, and that's a product of tightness and lubrication. Most of the time I simply can't feel any sensation during sex - I can't even feel any difference between being inside her and not. The only way I can feel anything is when I thrust with a really oblique angle, which puts a bit more pressure on one contact point.

DP's pelvic floor is fine though (she's had physio and done exercises for other reasons). But am I right in thinking that pelvic floor tone only really affects the vaginal entrance? Everything feels pretty normal there, relatively tight, but when I put a couple of fingers inside her I've noticed that I can open them out as wide as I like, with no resistance - simply can't touch both sides at the same time. So there's not a chance that my penis will fill that space either.

There are some non surgical laser treatments that claim to be able to tighten the vagina, expect it's pretty expensive and who knows how effective.

I have the opposite problem, my new(ish), partner seems to have a very small / narrow vaginal opening, I can just get a finger in, I’m pretty average in size but intercourse is a challenge, we use lots of foreplay & lube & I’ve still had a split frenulum and another skin tear , ( never had this with anyone else), it’s putting me off PIV sex abit, but she likes me to finish inside her.