Sex does nothing for me 😭😭

[blueberry2012]

Okay so I'm in my late 20s, only had one sexual partner my whole life (my dh) and I've never achieved an orgasm from him. At first it was painful, but after some time the pain eased away but still feel nothing, absolutely no pleasure at all. The only way I can achieve an orgasm is through masterbation (either just clitoral stimulation or combination of clitoral and fingering)

Im not asexual, I do have the desire for sex but unfortunately it often just leaves me feeling frustrated. I honestly feel jealous of women who actually enjoy sex.

I'm sure this is not normal. Anyone here had similar experiences?

if you can orgasm alone then you should be able to with DH. Is he giving up too quickly? Does he give you oral?
If you’re not bothered about sex and your DH isn’t either then it doesn’t matter.

I'm the same, been with DH for 8 years since I was 18. Sex is so boring for me I've never enjoyed it, its always about him and his needs and fantasies. I can't imagine having sex and thinking 'that was amazing' instead of 'well theres 10 minutes of my life I will never get back'. I think I would enjoy it if the person I was doing it with was interested in making it enjoyable for me, but I think those men are very few and far between, so may as well stay with DH and put up with it.

So frustrating

@blueberry2012 and @Vincethepince you both deserve a better experience. You need to sit down with your DH and ultimately educate them. It may be an easy conversation if they are open to learning and opening up about sex, intimacy and mutual satisfaction or it may be more tricky if they become defensive and convinced they are already "doing a good job" although it certain seems they are not. Good sex is all about open honest and non-confrontational communication. Be positive, reassure them that you love them but need to get both of you to a better place when it comes to sex. Neither of you are 30 yet so it is vital you do sort this out or it will eat away at the relationship which won't be good. I wish you both the best....the time to act though is now...

When you say you don't enjoy sex, it sounds like you mean PIV (penis in vagina) only, since you can orgasm from clitoral stimulation. That is the case for the vast majority of women. PIV can feel great but it doesn't lead to orgasm on its own. The vagina has relatively few nerve endings as otherwise childbirth would be unbearably painful - all the sensitivity is in the clitoris. A few women can orgasm from PIV only but that is usually because their anatomy allows for their clitoris to be stimulated just from vaginal penetration.

So really it is up to your DH to learn how to pleasure you. That is what all decent men want to do (and it is often a big turn on for them) although perhaps he is also relatively inexperienced and doesn't realise what is needed. Can you have an honest and frank conversation about it?

You don’t say if he gives you foreplay, for me this is the way I orgasm and sex is just not the same without it, if I have clit stimulation whilst having PIV then I can orgasm too but my DH won’t cum until he knows I’ve at least cum and orgasmed once. If he is inexperienced then guide him through your body and respond when he hits the right places, maybe even guiding his hand.

I’m the same, sex does nothing for me really. I usually do it because I have to and the last time I kind of enjoyed it was over a decade ago.

Oops I just realised that my notifications were turned off, and only now seeing the comments. Thanks to everyone who responded 💐💐 It's somewhat comforting to know that there are other women out there who don't enjoy sex.

@Sunnytwobridges @Vincethepince Well that's exactly how I feel. It feels like just another chore I have to do. I only do it to please dh and want to 'get it over with' as soon as possible.

Damn all those movies that lied to us 😂😭

He does do foreplay including fingering, clitoral stimulation, oral too but I feel maybe 1% of what of what I would if I'm using my own hands 😭, certainly not anywhere close to orgasm. The only thing that kind of works for me is anal paired with me touching myself (eventhough I don't get any pleasure from anal itself).

I feel bad but I often think if it would be different with someone else...

Sounds like you’d be better off leaving your DH so he can find someone who wants to have sex with him and you can find someone you actually want to do it with.
Not being snippy, it just sounds like from your last post, you don’t want things to improve. It’s not the only thing in a relationship, but it’s important for both parties to feel satisfied and wanted.

Do you love him?

If you don't like anal then why are you doing it? Why not just doggy and stimulate your own clit?

I feel bad but I often think if it would be different with someone else...

Yes. It would be.
I think you should consider whether you settled down to soon / too young and missed out on finding a partner you're sexually compatible with.
Because you're not sexually compatible with your DH - and he doesn't sound very interested in your pleasure.

I think if you'd have experienced really good sex, you wouldn't settle for this any longer. It is amazing. What are your options in this scenario... persevering with DH but being honest with him about your needs. Exploring an open relationship. Leaving and finding someone else. I don't know what else there is, but 10 years down the line you'll be pissed off with yourself if you do none of the above.

You need to find less selfish lovers

Last sentence you've written. You've got the nail on the head! I'm speaking from experience and I'm a lot older than you. Similar story.

This!

And this!

It sounds like you don't have any sexual chemistry / don't fancy your partner.

I imagine if you were single and had a new partner, you may well enjoy sex more. I came out of a long, sexually stale relationship in my late twenties and it was a revelation to sleep with new people, including one guy who was about twelve years older and just really knew what he was doing (and I fancied the pants off).

Life is too short for a sexless / bad sex relationship ( I say aged 35 having recently exited my second disastrous long term relationship ).

This? You need connection also.

It sounds to me that for starters you need a lot more oral. How long is he actually spending down there?

l was on e called names (by a man) for saying that l would not have sex with someone who would not go down on me. I rest my case! Women deserve better.

I'm confused.

Most women can't climax from penetrative sex.

Only the lucky few who's clitorises are very close to their vaginal opening.

Some occasionally talk about g spot orgasms or organs from another sensitive spot bear the cervix but I think the vast majority of female orgasns are clitoral.

He's obviously not going to be as tuned in to giving you a clitoral orgasm as you are yourself but he can learn with fingers, oral or vibrator etc.

Is he persevering with that?

I don't ever have orgasms from penetration, just clitoral stimulation... And trying to have a clitoral orgasm during penetration annoyingly doesn't work ... Somehow it makes everything feel vague and nerveless around the clitoris. I haven't tried with a vibrator though.

Penetration itself feels nice, from a bit of g spot contact at first but can be one a bit meh and boring after a bit

What about trying one of those cock ring clitoral vibrators (or getting him to try to learn to make you climax manually or orally).

Also, I would t be doing anal if you don't enjoy it (who does), it's not great for your faecal continence.

Sounds like there is no sexual chemistry. Do you actually fancy him?