Please help! Masturbation and boyfriend

[MaisieMoo02]

Hi

Okay, really looking for some help and advice please!

I am an extremely anxious person with quite low self esteem. My previous relationship was long term and quite mentally abusive but I have been going through counselling to sort my issues out as I have been bringing them into my new relationship.

The one issue I can’t get over though is my boyfriend masturbating. He doesn’t do it to porn (as far as I’m aware) and seems to do it in the shower most mornings. I will offer him a blowjob most mornings (he is more a morning person, I’m more of a nighttime!) most of the time he will take it but over the last couple of weeks, he’s said we don’t have time but then has gone in the shower and done it himself, I know it’s quicker doing it yourself but I do then feel a bit upset thinking I could have done it for him.

The last couple of weeks, we haven’t had sex as much as we used (maybe twice a week) as he’s got a stressful job but I know he’s masturbating (I heard him this morning in the shower!) but because of my anxiety, I am getting myself worked up daily thinking he’s not as attracted to me/not happy with our sex life.

I do know that masturbating is completely normal and I really don’t want it to bother me. I’m really just looking for some help and advice on how to get out of thinking like this as I know it isn’t healthy and I honestly hate the feeling 😔

Talk to him. Explain how it makes you feel. I recently had to write hubby a letter because I was so upset how his actions of masturbation was making me feel. We have to a compromise and are both happy with the new results. Good luck

To be fair, I'd probably be a little upset if my boyfriend was choosing masturbation over me. I don't mind if he does it while I'm out but if I'm in the house then I don't get why he'd need to (unless I've said I'm not in the mood of course). Also, if he's masturbating every single morning that's gonna decrease his want for sex with you surely cos that gets it out of his system? Id talk to him and tell him how you feel. Would he like it if you didn't want sex but were in the bathroom using toys daily? X

From the title, I thought you were asking for a hand!

I'd be a bit upset too. If id offered a bj and he turned it down for a shower wank.

Perhaps it's stress?

But if it continues more than a few weeks it's worth an honest conversation to figure out how to move forward.

Maybe he's worried that he's got a dose and doesn't want you to find out by catching it. Could he be avoiding you for a period for the antibiotics to work?
Sorry if that makes you more nervous about the situation, but can you rule it out?

To go against the grain, I don’t think you any say over his masturbation habits, those are personal to him.