This isn't just married sex, is it?

[Eggsontoasty]

We have 2 children (7 and 3). We have sex probably 1-2 times a month, always around ovulation time as that's when we both seem to want it.

The rest of the month, I can't go near him.

I feel a little dirty sometimes after having sex with him, like I've just had a one night stand with someone I don't fancy, and I'm worried I just don't find him physically attractive anymore. Particularly as I don't want it or him when I'm not ovulating. This isn't normal is it?

Sex is always the same routine, I try to spice it up a bit but he seems to want to just lie flat on his back and barely move during sex. I have to ask him to get on top of me which he admits he doesn't like doing due to his low self esteem about his weight. I find it really unsexy that he just lies on his back and barely moves during sex- other men have always kind of devoured me and taken control. He used to in the beginning but I don't think it came naturally to him. I was the first person he ever had sex with! He was 32 at the time 😬.

I used to think it was all quite sweet and that I'd teach him how to do certain things but he seems to have found his comfortable and is sticking to it.

I shouldn't be feeling the way I am should I? I also use my vibrator a lot more than I have sex with him.

It’s possible that it’s not down to you not being attracted to him-it’s that he’s not making you feel sexy at all.
Good sex is a two way street, and for us women we need emotional and mental stimulation-a man simply lying back and letting you do all the work is ok sometimes, if you’re the one taking control-but other times you need to be made to feel desired.
My husband and I went through a phase like this after several years together, sex became almost routine. I was bored and could have quite happily gone months at a time without it.

Then one day, out of the blue (a couple of days after a huge row about our crappy sex life) he grabbed me from behind, so passionately it was like a switch had been flicked on, and I suddenly remembered what it was like to be desired and made to feel sexy.

Dont get me wrong, we’re not suddenly having constant, mad passionate sex all the time, (impossible with teenagers in the house) but we both know what the other needs to enjoy sex after so many years together, and We’re both much more fulfilled now. Quality rather than quantity.

Also, ovulation is when your sex drive ramps up, so that’s why you’re more keen on the idea at that time-but he needs to work on making you feel sexy again

I think married sex can be anything you make, does really sound like neither of you are really enjoying it right now

The reverse of your last paragraph is also true. I can't imagine he feels particularly sexy if she's only even remotely attracted to him 1 week in 4. That's got to be a complete self esteem killer

It sounds like you both need to talk to a sex therapist. If neither of you are comfortable with sex and your sex life, that's corrosive for a relationship. Counselling is way cheaper than a divorce and even if it doesn't help this relationship it will help your next one.

My DH always wanted to go on the bottom when he was having problems ‘down there’ but he wouldn’t get help for it.