New sexual experiences

[DaisyDooxox]

Hi all.

I am 26 (F) and came out of an 8 year relationship in March. I met somebody new very quickly after. He is 28 and we are together officially.

The sex is amazing. He seems to have worked out very quickly what I like in bed. However there are a couple of issues I have which leave me questioning things.

Sex always seems to be on his terms. I think I have a higher sex drive than him, so will jump at the chance each time he wants it. However when I want it, he will laugh it off and make an excuse.

Dominance. He is very dominant in the bedroom which really turns me on. I like it, but am wary that again I let him control things.

Eye contact. When I am on top, he will look me deep in the eyes and thrust hard. Sometimes the look comes across angry - but I’m not sure if it is more passionate?

Camera. He very often likes to film us having sex. The first few times he asked, and then the last time he just whipped his phone out and filmed. I know he wouldn’t be posting these anywhere and that they are for his own benefit.

As I’ve said, the sex is amazing and he knows what makes me feel good. It is very different from the sex I had in my last relationship. It feels more risky and exciting.

am I overthinking things or is this relatively normal? I guess I am trying to work out whether this is love or lust.

You can’t figure out love Vs lust by analysing sex you have.
All of the issues/questions you are wondering about you should be talking to him about. If you trust him to be in a sexual relationship with him - you must be able to communicate. So that you both better understand each other, and so that resentments don’t creep in.

From what you have described - one issue I’d address sooner rather than later is it all being on his terms. Combined with him being dominant - this can be something that in the end will love you in some sort of misbalance of power.

Its all nice to like him being dominant. But what if one day you’d want him to be gentle and different. And he doesn’t want/can’t do it - how would he react?
Relationships that are more dominant/submissive are fine too - but it needs to be explicitly agrees with clear boundaries. Don’t let him get you fall into one.

You're letting him film you after dating for only 6 months?
Sounds like he's doing it with little or no consent from you either 😳

The filming is the issue with me, I wouldn’t want a guy who I’ve dated for approx 4 months to be in possession of such intimate videos of me, tell him to delete the videos and any further filming stops. Ensure he respects any boundaries you have, if he doesn’t, then bin him.

i would worry about the filming
does he always give you a copy ? That’s the absolute minimum so at least you have what he has
probably wise to delete but would you know if he kept a copy??

mmm the videos are potentially around forever and who can say for sure if they will surface and cause you future stress

be careful

Hi Daisy, my advice is to have an open discussion about sex - your needs and boundaries with your new partner. There are clearly things you like about the current situation and want to quite rightly have an equal say

good luck and enjoy doing what YOU want x

Yeah I'd wonder where these videos are going.

Seriously concerned about the filming, especially as it now seems to happen without explicit consent.

'I know he wouldn’t be posting these anywhere and that they are for his own benefit.' Er, really?