So bored

[sunnywednesday]

I am 28 with 3 children. I have only been in 2 serious, long term relationships and these are the only people I've slept with.

I have been with my current partner partner for 4 years. He's great, lovely, we really get on etc but before I got with him I told him how horrific the sex in my last relationship had been and he reassured me that he knew what he was doing.

Well 4 years down the line and I'm just sooo bored of it. Some times sex is good but most of the time I have to say "oh you've cum" because the sex was so pointless.

I have such a high sex drive and he told me at the start he did as well and its just not true. I would happily have it everyday, and though he said the same he's more a 2/3 times a week but I initiate it every time so if I don't start it he will go longer. I appreciate 2/3 times a week is a lot for some people but I crave it more.

I don't want to sing my own praises but he gets a blowjob every time, i do whatever positions he likes which is usually me on top so he has to give minimal effort so it's not as if I'm demanding or anything.

I can't imagine breaking up with him because of it but I notice myself dreaming about what it would be like to sleep with other people and actually feel satisfied. It's completely a fantasy but does anyone else feel the same?

Yep I get it. I tend to find myself fantasising and masturbating a lot.

Yes I've been there. I had only been with 2 people by the time I was married in my early 20's. Yes that was my choice, but as a grew older I became more at peace with my sexuality and sex-drive. It's very conflicting when you love someone but equally feel the way you feel, which you can't help.

From what you explain it sounds to me like there are 2 issues you're experiencing; it's not just the frequency but also the quality of the sex you're having with your DP.

Would you feel more ok at the thought of staying with this person forever if you were really satisfied the 2/3 times a week they're also up for it?

I totally understand your high sex drive, as I'm the same, but 2/3 really satisfying times a week would be better than more frequent, boring sex.

I guess it all comes down to how important the issue is to you and your partner. Have you told them you would love to get things to a more passionate level? What was their response?

IMO, as someone who places a lot of importance on sex/intimacy in a relationship, me and my DH did split up. It was for a multitude of reasons though, and we didn't have children together, so I felt I could make that big break from him.

I guess all you can do is keep talking to your partner about how you're feeling, see how willing they are to work on your sex life, and if they aren't, decide what you want from there. There's only so much relief masturbating can give, especially if you crave passionate sex with someone.

I'm in the same situation - married sex seems so dull. It has become a once a week "bonk" where he cums in 2 minutes and it is over. No oral, no doggy and no decent foreplay. I masturbate quite a lot but even that has got frustrating because he works from home a lot of the time and I need space and privacy to enjoy masturbation properly. I have to confess that I have stayed late at my work office and waited untll everyone had left, locked my office door and masturbated with my vibrator that I had concealed in my bag - feels quite exciting and naughty cumming in my office chair with feet on the desk. I also look forward to travelling with work and saying in a hotel - masturbation fest. One day, I will "pull" in the hotel bar and get the real thing - I keep on imagining that.

Thank god I'm not alone! I look at him and feel guilty for fantasising behind his back but I'm sooo bored of it!

I do often think that if I could completely get away with it, I would sleep with someone just to satisfy my need. I know that's awful on my poor partner and I'll never do it as I have far too much respect for him but it doesn't stop me from dreaming.

OP have you tried talking to your partner about what you want? No-one should be expected to read minds, especially as if you haven't said anything, he thinks what he is doing is the way you like it.

I'm not the OP but in the same boat. Oh yes, we have talked about it and he has tried but the fundamental issue is that he has a low sex drive and finds it difficult to relax properly. There have been times when I even wondered if I'm married to a closet gay who just needs to ejaculate once a week with my assistance instead of a male partner. I don't think he is gay. If we go on holiday and he properly relaxes he does get sexual but he ejaculates very very quickly (sometimes he is inside less than 30 seconds before it happens). He does not masturbate and finds it uncomfortable when I tell him that I masturbate. If I try using my vibrator when we have sex, he gets in a huff and goes to the spare room. So annoying when I want physical love and crave orgasms with the man I really do love.

@traceyzebdee I can relate to so much of what you're saying! It's so frustrating. After spending my whole first relationship in shit sex I was determined not to do it to myself again and he filled me full of so much hope but the reality is sooo different and now I feel like I'm in too deep to end the relationship over it.

Sometimes I hope he'll just fuck up in some way that I can say enough is enough because he'll never understand where I'm coming from, we've spoken about my wants and needs and he answers as if his are the same and it never changes. I just want some really really good sex.

if you have a high sex drive and your partner does not i think it slowly eats you up, my first wife had a low drive, we tried everything, things just did not get better in the end it felt like I was living with a sister or great friend
like you I wanted sex every day and twice a day at weekends
we ended up separating and this was the cause it was such a shame and hard to do because all other aspects of our life’s was great, we got on so well (still do) have a similar sense of humour etc
at the time I thought I was odd, felt depressed etc
as soon as I started dating it was like wow women love to have fun just like us !!
I had fun for a few years and met the current (and final) Mrs F
we have been together now 13 years sex started as at least daily and has now dropped slightly to around 5-6 times a week probably as we are now a bit older me 57 Mrs f 62 we both initiate equally which makes me really feel wanted, if someone is just not bothered you feel like making an approach is hassling them in the end you just give up and have a wank which is depressing
for me a satisfying sex life makes everything better, good days bad days holidays we feel totally connected

hopefully you can get things on track, my advice is to think hard about the effects on you in years to come

@Freddy12 thanks so much for your input! It's so nice to hear from both men and women.
Like your first wife, we do get on amazing but it really really gets me down sometimes.

Thanks so much for you encouraging words x

Damn, such a turn on. 😋

I was a male version of you some years back
i traveled a lot and was able to happily wank in hotels etc not what I wanted but the fortnightly bonk was not much use when you are horny every day and most of the day !
I think it is ultimately destructive I should have left years before I did
in the end the stress was killing me

good luck

@notlongtoo the problem is, I do do all that! I seduce him constantly, I'm not just saying it to be big headed but I look after myself for him, buy him little gifts to make him happy, cook him very good meals when he gets in from work, run a nice bath, massages, sexy underwear, date nights etc and non of it makes a difference. He's all talk but no action

It must be very frustrating having a very high sex drive. I can’t imagine what that must be like as I’m the exact opposite. I rarely feel in the mood. Once ever 3 months would do me.