sex when you want to be DH can't

[user1465822474]

Well this is probably a common problem. There's a ten year age gap between me and DH but he has lost all his confidence and viagra sometimes "lets him down". I can do the usual for him but well. it doesn't work. ..I've been celibate because of this for 8 years and although I know its maybe not gonna come across well, I have looked after my figure for DH, done everything I can to keep him happy (not reciprocated as he's now terrified of sex). All I've done is be gentle and understanding, not be critical of him in any way. Basically have turned myself into the door mat I haven't been before. The lack of sex has made me feel really rubbish about myself. I'm posting this because I feel really alone

I can understand your pain. My wife had a mastectomy 9 years ago and while I think she is beautiful she does not feel that she is at all sexy.
Our sex life has dwindled and although we talk about improving it (viagra for me would be good) we have sort of drifted into a place where we don't bother.

8 years, blimey that’s terrible, the feelings of inadequacy for both of you must be almost overwhelming, I can’t imagine that , how old is he ?
I can’t even think of what to suggest it sounds like the sexual side of him has almost switched off.
have you thought about being a bit more “firm”, no pun intended, with shared baths / showers, lots of skin to skin contact? , anything to get his sexual being switched on again?

8 years is a long time OP you've been gentle and kind and looked after yourself, not been critical of him... what has he done for you? Do you talk to him about it?

Go get some elsewhere if he's not at least trying. Your happiness matters. He doesn't seem to give a crap about your needs.

8 years celibate and you are still haven’t found someone likeminded???
Your H checked out of this part of your relationship. If you don’t want to divorce him - but still have sexual needs - it’s only fair to ‘outsource’.
There are many ways and places to do it safely and discretely.