Dp too quick in bed

[Swingfromthemountain]

NC as I don’t want anyone to know we’re having this problem
DP is only 30 but seems to show signs of erectile dysfunction
he can very rarely get an erection but when he does we’re lucky if it lasts more than a couple of minutes
sex is bad, I’ve never orgasmed or enjoyed it, never had foreplay he just gets stuck in (literally) and comes quicker than a dog playing catch
i used to tell him it’s ok we’ll try again later but he can only go once a day as his recovery time is poor
these days I lose patience and he can tell I’m angry that once again I haven’t enjoyed it or had an orgasm
he finally admitted he has a problem and got some blood tests done which all came back fine so his gp told him to try viagra which he hasn’t yet as he feels ashamed for needing it at his age
its got to the point where I hate sex and often cry because I know it’ll be crap and he only focuses on his orgasm then it’s over
ivr told him how I feel and what he could try for me to experience pleasure but it doesn’t seem to sink in, I have a very high sex drive and masturbating just isn’t enough for me
evrrything else in our relationship is perfect and I do love him but the bad sex feels like a deal breaker for me as I couldn’t spend the next 5,10, 30 years with him and not having decent sex

I’ve lost all my confidence so I feel really shy in bed and don’t know where to look or put my hands, I just want it over with because I know if I try to get into it then it’ll be over within 30 seconds
ive told him I don’t want us to have a sexual relationship anymore, I don’t want to end it with him but I don’t want to live like this anymore so I’m hoping it will make him get it sorted
I want children but how will that be possible when we can only manage fortnightly sex for 3 minutes I feel so depressed and I’ve stopped caring that it hurts his ego because he doesn’t care about my pleasure or feelings, what can I try as a final attempt to fix this?

I don't think there is anything you can do, tbh.

Only he can try and improve things.
And it may not work for him.

It's a shame that you're not compatible sexually. I think you should consider your options.
Possibly ....
A)stay and see if he can get better with the viagra and more attention paid to your needs
B) open relationship or involving other partners. Would he be open to you playing with someone else
C) leave and move on with your life, find someone you're more compatible with

With regards to wanting kids... option C is probably the sensible choice.

jeez, that sounds awful, tell him to put his feelings to one side and try the viagra and at least get a usable erection (may take more than one attempt), and get him to pay you some attention between the sheets.

Thanks for replying I’m considering ending it but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone. I have no way of meeting someone he was just by chance and I’d be scared of starting over with dating etc.

also off topic but would you view a man in a really bad light who let his partner go hungry because there wasn’t enough food for everyone and no money to buy more so she gave up her meal to share around between partner and children.

Agree with both replies so far. Only addition would be to engage either a relationship counsellor or a sex counsellor/therapist…maybe the professional can help you guys work through the issues. Although when I say you guys I mean him.

Really feel for you in this situation. Sorry I don’t have any comforting words.

In terms of your reply OP, yes that is very much in a bad light. Prioritise the kids by all means, but share the rest amongst you both.

He doesn't need blood tests to use his hands, mouth, toys, and to care about your well-being. He has issues, and not just physical. Look out for yourself

also off topic but would you view a man in a really bad light who let his partner go hungry because there wasn’t enough food for everyone and no money to buy more so she gave up her meal to share around between partner and children.

yes, if there not enough to go round the everyone has less not just one person

@Swingfromthemountain If he has no underlying medical conditions (did he get his testosterone checked?) It's possible he is unknowingly asexual. Do you know if he has had "working" sexual relationship with anyone else?

However, assuming he is not asexual - @AubadeIsIt is completely correct – what is all this no foreplay about?

Does he not understand he needs to get your motor running as well?
Maybe you should have a no PIV policy until he learns how to pleasure you…

You don’t say how old you are, but if you decide to move on, don’t be scared of dating.

Is the possibility of spending the rest of your life with a man that doesn’t appear to care about your pleasure really worth the concern that you won’t find someone else?

Yes, it’s a minefield, but people in their 60’s and 70’s are successfully dating again for the first time after much longer relationships, so you won’t spend the rest of your life alone.

if you want to stay and try, and he is so embarrassed, which at his age, I can kind of understand, you could always go to the chemist and buy Viagra for him.
Not as a long-term solution, but as a once off to see if they help.
Calais, which lasts longer in the bloodstream, should be available as a (probably private) prescription from his GP)

The problem is that viagra isn't going to make him less selfish in bed. There's nothing stopping him putting the effort into foreplay right now - but he's not.

I guess all you can do is try to get to the bottom of why he isn't putting any effort into you, is it lack of confidence? that he just isn't interested in doing anything sexual? Could he be asexual or gay? Is he just selfish/doesn't really care about you?

FFS do not have a family with this man. He's not right for you, get out ASAP and do not complicate matters with children.