Sex after childbirth - help!!

[beansprout55]

Hi all, hoping someone can offer some advice, or reassurance?!

I gave birth a little over 3 weeks ago, fairly straightforward, a few stitches needed which have healed up nicely (recently checked).

DH and I slowly (with plenty of lube) tried sex earlier. I didn't expect it to be good as things will feel different, and I expected a bit of discomfort given it's too early, but nevertheless we wanted to try after so long of no sex.

I did my pelvic floors every day before birth (even checked I was doing them right by a physio at the hospital) and have been doing them since I gave birth, but during sex I could barely feel anything at all! I tried to clench DH and I literally couldn't feel him when I did a kegal!!

Going to see physio again in 2 weeks time, but I don't think I can wait that long to find out, is this me now? Will I ever feel anything during sex again? I knew it would be bad but didn't realise I would feel nothing and not be able to clench around him even a bit!

Absolutely devastated that my sex life is over after being married only a year.

Wow, it's still so early! No way is your sex life over, please don't panic.

I had a 3rd degree tear, stitched for 2 hours in theatre, and although sex felt different initially (and for me was sore to some extent for almost a year)...3 years later it's honestly completely back to normal and has been normal for a long time! Dh can't feel any difference and it feels the same as it always did for me.

You're still very early in the healing process, keep doing your kegels and things will get back to normal in due course. Congratulations on your new baby

Really @snowflake29?? That's such a relief to hear. Do you know how long roughly it took before you weren't so so 'wide'? I can't imagine we'd be able to have sex again as things stand.

We got pregnant quite quickly after marriage so we didn't have much sex before it abruptly came to an end - so it's doubly sad! Hence the panic!!

Doesn't help reading horror stories on MN about things never being the same and always feeling loose down there. 😢 really hope that doesn't happen to me, but when we did it and I realised I have that now I started to think that I will have that always.

Don't they generally advise 6 weeks before you should try sex? 3 weeks is really early OP don't worry if things don't feel normal, jeez, your poor vagina has been through a lot and needs time to recover! There's plenty of time to get back to sex, don't panic.

Online seems to suggest 6 weeks but my MW and the NHS website said there's no general rule, just when you're ready and to expect discomfort and use lube etc etc...
I knew I wouldn't be ready to get back to normal but I guess I was curious about how things were, and just wanted to feel close to My husband as I miss him so much.
So it was a shock that I couldn't feel anything - do you really think I will tighten up a bit in a few more weeks? Even just a little bit?

Lots of cuddling only for a few months probably!

I had this issue and for me it's still a problem 15 years later, which is why I'm now having a vaginoplasty (private as NHS have refused to do anything) next month. Sorry if it's not what you want to hear, I remember asking the same question on here many years ago and being told it's in my head/just do kegels etc.

If you're really concerned then see a womens health physio who can give you some targeted exercises to do.

Tbh I felt more tight than wide, maybe to do with swelling and the stitches for me. We didn't have sex for months when pregnant and attempted it at 7 weeks after but it was agony. Another 3 weeks and we managed something but it was at least a year before I didn't feel any pain.

Everyone is different, but it takes a lot of women much longer to recover from childbirth. Your body has been through the wars!

Seeing a physio in two weeks time! Hope she can help!! 😥

I couldn't have sex for at least 4 months after birth.

Years later and it never goes fully back to how it was (for me and those I've spoken to) but it should get better than it is now.

We had sex 2.5 weeks after I gave birth an initially I couldn't feel a thing. Other half said it didn't feel any different but obviously I didn't believe him. I did a bit of research and found online a lazy said it took a year for her to get any feeling back at all down there because of all her body had been through. Made sense to me 🤷‍♀️ so I stopped worrying about it. Almost 11 months after birth now for us, and sex is great. I can definitely feel things!! I use small tampons so I guess that's reassured me also cos If it really was as 'wide' as id first thought then there's no way they'd stay in 🤣🤭 I have recently bought and Elvie trainer though, just to keep on top of things, cos I always forgot to do pelvic floors even after paying for the Squeezy app!

And*
Lady* not lazy!!

Sorry, it's way past my bedtime!!

@NoHeavenNoMore
Thank you!!! Just what I needed to hear! Hope 🥲

One of the girls in my baby group had issues so her physio got her to use the Kegal8 - which sorted out her prolapse too! I've just bought one!

Does sex feel almost the same again 11 months on? Do you remember when you started to feel things again?
My DH was very honest with me as I made him be. He said it was fine, he could feel the sides, it just felt much wider/less tight. I didn't feel him at all.
Is there still some closing up to do 3 weeks on? Or is it just kegals from now on?

Sorry - 100 questions to whoever can answer 🤣