I would say the problems in our sex life started quite early into our relationship, I have always had quite a high sex drive whereas my husband’s has been much lower. In the beginning I got hurt many times after dressing up sexy and being turned down. Needless to say I don’t bother with anything like that anymore, I don’t want my feelings hurt. Husband prefers short quickies when I am not in the mood or expecting it, for example just before going out (no thanks, I don’t want to mess my hair or smell of cum when out), in the kitchen, bathroom.. standing up.. generally in positions that don’t give me any satisfaction and so quickly I really don’t have time to even try to enjoy it.
I’ve accepted that we like different types of sex and so would allow him to have his joy for most of the time with asking for him to please me just once a month. Now it makes me feel like it’s such an effort for him to have sex the way I like it, that I just don’t bother having any sex with him anymore. After years of being together he knows how I like it, but never makes an effort to please me unless I specifically tell him to.
Those quickies are frankly quite annoying and there’s many reasons I don’t get enjoyment out of them. Him just going for it hard and fast without any play before hand, touching or anything is actually quite painful for me. I also want to feel sexy and beautiful in order to enjoy having sex, and to relax enough to have an orgasm but he likes it straight out the shower for example where I am definitely not feeling sexy with no make up, clothes and messy hair.
whenever I try to talk to him and tell him what I like during sex, he will just say he doesn’t like it. For example I tell him it turns me on if he talks dirty or says what he’s thinking for example if he’s turned on by something or likes my butt etc, but he will just not listen at all and even say something quite mean that will just make me feel I can’t speak to him about sex. He has never been comfortable speaking about sex, as if it’s some taboo you can’t mention.
I think the way he enjoys sex is like a quick porno and it just annoys me that he doesn’t even think that I would have needs as well and doesn’t try to give me an orgasm. I will much rather now just play with my toys and fantasize about hot men I have seen. I have started refusing sex with him, which I never used to do, just to try to get him to understand he would need to satisfy me as well. He hasn’t got the hint yet, instead he gets more turned on by it and wants to have quickies even more.
I’m wondering if there’s many people who have this problem as in porn that’s what you see, what’s happened to making the woman feel good?