Anal fun etiquette

[Joey69]

So a slightly odd question, I’m a man ( not 100% sure that’s important), have been seeing someone for about 8 months now, our time together is limited, so we tend to have sex several times over a weekend.
We have not explicitly talked about anything anal, but she has said the she doesn’t like anal intercourse, which I’m completely fine with.
During our last meeting, she was performing oral on me and started to play my arse, then inserted a finger ( which I normally quite like ),

BUT she didn’t check before, not a “how do you feel about “, or a “would you like”, question, she just went for it, also didn’t use lube, just a dry finger so was pretty uncomfortable.

so I suppose the question is about etiquette really, most people would at least check first? And it wouldn’t matter if was M/F F/M, F/F or M/M, (and use lube).

DW did the same to me, many years ago, altho did at least apply a little lube first. I enjoyed it and it let to more play.

But you're right, Ive asked before giving anal, and always respected the answer, whichever way it went.

She should have asked, absolutely, however I suppose when having sex, quite often you move to different activities without necessarily asking first. Being in a longer term marriage, we know what each other likes and dislikes, but still happy to try new things, but would normally talk about trying new things first.

Its easy to say that "being caught up in the moment" is an excuse, but if the situation was reversed, and you had done it to her, rightfully, you would be very much in the wrong.

Not an answer as such, sorry!

Nope. That's not good. Anal should be discussed before slipping in a finger! If anyone tried that with me, it would be a 'get the f out' situation...

In the cold light of day, I would absolutely agree, and I wouldn't just do that to someone else myself. At that time, we were in a very adventurous stage, and I guess we kind of got caught up in the moment. I could have said no if I had wanted to, but I was curious as to how it would feel, so went with it.

And, it wasnt a straight in with no warning. There was some build up, giving me a chance to say no, but there was no explicit asking from her, or refusal by me.

so....bloke here...I would always ask permission of a woman in advance, but....if its the other way round and we were in the middle of playing and she slipped me a finger Id be very happy. I am very comfortable with the idea that you give everything a try at least twice just to make sure, and would have probably had this conversation by the stage we were hands-on so at that point for me anything goes. Any hand boundaries would have been made clear.

Yeah that’s pretty much always previously been the case for me, my previous partner liked fingers, buttplugs. & occasionally anal intercourse, there was always a check before hand and sometimes she would ask , and went both ways she would check with me before slipping in a finger.

Even Doctors are more polite (and use lube ) when you get a prostate check !

I'm guessing she was trying to spice things up or has had a previous partner who liked it so thought she would try it for you. She would have also expected you to say no or stop her if it wasn't for you. Tell her you was surprised and see what she says and take it from there and also mention lube for next time.

This takes me back many years pre-marriage to when I was seeing a particular woman for a little while. She did exactly this to me. It doesn't do anything for me as it happens, but I think she did it because she was assuming it did, maybe because it had with a previous partner or she'd read about it somewhere. I think her genuine motivation was to give me pleasure. But she didn't ask.

It was a bit of an uncomfortable distraction for a few moments and then we moved on. She asked me about it afterwards saying she assumed most/all men enjoyed this and when I said I didn't particularly she apologised and clearly felt a bit embarrassed and awkward. I said not to worry about it, it wasn't an issue. I think it was a case of well-meaning mistaken assumption.

My wife and I have full anal sex every so often but when I ask her beforehand (as with any other form of sex) I make no assumptions that the answer will be yes as it will be especially dependant upon how she's feeling about anal on any particular occasion or mood. Using plenty of lube goes without saying.

Whilst in the throes of consensual sexual passion asking permission to touch every single body part as you go along is clearly not practical and no doubt would be a total passion killer but there is something maybe particularly personal about the anus which does need an ask first.