To what extent should sex fantasies be shared?

[LancashireLad]

For a number of years I had an occasional fantasy of watching my wife having sex with another man. For some reason it was a huge turn on imagining watching her enjoying herself, orgasming etc and giving pleasure to another man. Really odd too because it is something I would never, ever want to do in reality in a million years.

I realise that's not an unusual fantasy for some men. And I know that the mystery of many sex fantasies is that they are often something which in real life you would never contemplate.

As it happens this particular scenario doesn't do anything for me anymore - I seem to have gone the distance with it, it has faded completely in the erotic impact it had and I'm pleased about that to be honest. I am fundamentally monogamous and rate my exclusive relationship with my wife as something extremely precious. So there are no more slightly confused thoughts for me on the odd occasion at bedtime!

That's by the by really and just by way of background to my question, which is to what extent is it healthy/helpful to share a fantasy with a partner? I did from time to time, with a bit of hesitation, share this particular fantasy with my wife and occasionally she found the idea very arousing and we would go on to have the most intense orgasmic sex.

On other occasions, and more often than not, she would be totally turned off by the idea and I felt that it would have been better to have kept my thoughts to myself.

The dilemma for me at that time was between wanting to be open and honest in moments of intimacy with my wife and keeping schtum about something which I found very arousing but didn't always do anything for her and which she sometimes found a positive turn off.

Should we always keep the lid on sex fantasies, sometimes or never? And what would we prefer our partners to do with theirs?

My husband knows about my fetish and now and again will indulge me. I have a few fantasies but they revolve around specific people and he knows this and doesn't like it understandably. So I try to keep them to myself.

It may feel dishonest not to share your fantasy with a partner, but it's hard to compete with an object of desire that's bigger, smaller or more adept than them.

@MrsHarrison87 Your example is very thought provoking, I think we should indulge harmless fetishes for those we care about, but I think you're doing the right thing.

I think is is a rather precarious thing. Can work really well and partner feeling the honesty but the other side feeling threatened by it.

I don't really know if watching their wife is a fairly normal fantasy for men, ...my DH does seem to like things when we fantasise around that. For example we were playing one night and he used a vibrator on me (which I really enjoy) and started sucking on him. He was getting increasingly aroused and letting go when he blurted out it was like watching me have two cocks together. Being somewhat turned on I played along with it and it had the most explosive effect on him.

Occasionally the similar fantasy comes up if he is really aroused and turned on and seems to develop each time. I would worry about him developing to do in reality, but also worried I might actually enjoy it, either him watching or both of them joining in (a friend confided that years ago she had such a scenario and it was amazing). I am of the view it is very risky and don't want to have a point of no turning back

Whether it’s a common fantasy or not I don’t know. But it’s definitely one my wife and I have. It’s a very similar thing to you @Marieg1990.

I am conscious that I suggested it first (along time ago) so I do sometimes worry that I bring it up a lot. My DW loves to play with her toys and gets me to insert them. It’s at this point that the dirty talk often moves into the two cocks territory and then about me watching her play with it.

It gets us both v aroused but we’ve never spoken about it outside of sex! I’m certainly worried that it would cause more trouble than it’s worth.

And as @LancashireLad said, I’m not sure I’d want to do it in reality.