A few years ago I was 27, in a relationship in which I was seeing less of my partner and suffering from low self esteem.
I started a friendship with a much older guy at work not directly on my team. He was crazy good looking and we liked so many of the same things. I really enjoyed seeing him and we even met up a few times as friends. There was always this undercurrent of flirty banter but honestly, nothing you'd likely think was a betrayal. We'd text a lot too and while there was nothing sinister in the messages, the amount (every day) would probably not be nice to see for my partner.
My job was very boring and I'd long all day for this guy to come see me. It got me so down sometimes and I even told my partner. I think he was quite confused that i'd told him about my crush when nothing had actually happened with this guy but I committed to getting over it and moving forward.
My partner and I had a great few months together and then I was pregnant and a month later, furloughed from work. It was honestly quite a nice time, nesting and quality time with my partner. When I had my son and I got back to work, I was promoted to a much busier role and there was barely time anymore to think about anything outside my job and family. It was nice to see my old crush and while there was a glimmer of the old feelings, it was completely manageable.
Fast forward to now, my son is nearly 2 and last night I had a vivid dream about kissing the old crush. I was so desperately sad when I woke up and realised it hadn't happened. I'm struggling to get it out of my head this morning. I know now he's not even someone I'd want to be in a relationship with. I just miss that sexual chemistry. If someone else came to me with this problem I'd probably urge them to forget all about it but sometimes when something is enjoyable to think about, that feels hard.
What would you do?