Mismatched sex styles?

[Anonforthis1234]

Recently started a new relationship. Everything is amazing, in the main. We get on. We make each other laugh. We fancy each other. We're catching feelings. There's no obvious red flags. Except...

...there seems to be, for want of a better term, a mismatch in our approach to sex.

It's not that we don't want to rip each other's clothes off (we do). Its not that either one of us is lazy (we're not). Its not even that one of us has a particular desire for a particular sex act or kink that the other doesn't.

It's more that my partner appears to be very direct about sex: basically, after the kissing and fondling she likes to focus on genital stimulation - often quite forceful. She's not too bothered about me stimulating her breasts or anywhere else. It just seems to end up quite machine-like, with me or her firmly rubbing her clitoris and/or G spot till she orgasms. Even oral sex, she prefers I jab away at her clit with my tongue like a jackhammer.

Its very much "no frills". But it ends up feeling, to me, like we're simply using each other as masturbation aids, not two people making love. I much prefer teasing and exploring and stimulating each other. Sex that's much more sensual.

Has anyone encountered similar before? Or can anyone empathise with my partner and perhaps offer advice from their point-of-view? I'm hoping maybe its because its early days and things might improve as our intimacy deepens. As everything else is so wonderful it'd be a shame for this to get in the way.

Have you ever had a situation like this before?

Sounds a tricky one

Maybe suggest you do a tie and tease on her.. then maybe you can show the benefits of taking things slow and it puts you control of the pacing and how you pleasure her in ways she's not used to?

Or offer a massage, this can also be a slow burner for leading into foreplay

Just throwing those ideas out there!

Isn’t it a good thing she’s communicating with you, what she likes and what gets her off. You say you kiss and fondle before, maybe she likes to move onto having an orgasm before sex, once she’s had an orgasm, can you go back to touching etc before moving on to sex.

Not really - though I can probably count the number of sexual partners I’ve had on one hand admittedly! All, at the very least, used to have sensitive breasts and necks. I wouldn’t say she doesn’t enjoy me touching/kissing these areas, just they don’t really do anything particularly special for her either - anymore than I was kissing/stroking her hand, foot or knee.

Thanks! That might be an idea. Having talked (indirectly) about it, I think part of it is she was previously in a sexless long term relationship - so she’s very used to masturbating rather than foreplay with another person.

What is it that you want? Slower, more teasing?
Tell her

@Kitten2 So, we’ve had a bit of a conversation and got to know each other a bit more now, so did what you suggest.

She’s explained she likes to be dominated more - classic powerful woman in her daily life who likes to “submit” in the boudoir. This conflicts a bit with me because I’ve always leaned a little on the submissive side myself.

Basically she likes it rough. Not necessarily from a beefcake, alpha type though. So I’m left considering what I actually do like, because there is an element of me where my submissive fantasies never really lived up to what I imagined, so maybe I’m actually a closet Dom? 😂So I’m willing to rediscover my preferences.

But on the face of it I just don’t think I naturally give her what she desires - which is someone who just goes to town on her, push up against a wall, doggy, etc. I don’t even look the part. She disagrees, says I turn her on and just need confidence building. In all honesty I just feel confused and it’s affecting my performance. A real shame as otherwise we’re really compatible and falling in love.

Your gf sounds a lot like me, I’ve always desired this, not all the time but have never been with a guy who can play the part, so it exists in my fantasies now.

Can I just ask - is the man’s physique part of it for you? Like I said, I’m kind of reappraising and questioning what I’m into myself so could be open to it with her. But I’m quite slim, and have always had a bit of a body image issue because of it (I started going to the gym but at the end of the day my genes mean I’m never going to look like the average rugby player!) so the idea of me being dominant - especially as she’s quite athletic herself - just seems absurd. I can get it into it, but part of my brain goes “who do you think you’re kidding”?

I feel there’s probably guys out there with more “Dom friendly” physiques but without the “alpha” attitude that might hit the spot for her more naturally.

I think physique does play a role, I’m very slim, so ideally for me I would prefer someone bulkier than me in a dom role, someone who looks a bit over-powering, a lot of it is about power-play. Saying this, I’m sure there are plenty of slim doms out there, so don’t change your natural physique to play this part. I think a lot of it comes down to confidence and personality.

Yes it's more about confidence and personality. I am a dominant guy and women that I have been with love me to be rough and firm with them which suits both parties.

Is it my physique? Possibly. But it has more to do with confidence and attitude than anything else.

You can't pretend to be something you are not though and whilst you may hit the minimum bar of performance, ultimately it is not satisfying in the longer term.