No orgasms

[OrgasmsQuestion]

So here goes.
I am mid 30’s, I’ve had just over 10 sexual partners, one long term, who is my current DP and a few relationships which have been just under a year and ONS.
So far, the men I’ve had sex with have never given me an orgasm. Is this unusual?
Most of this is because they’ve shown very little attention to my clitoris and foreplay has been fairly minimal and I didn’t speak up, my fault I know but I have tried to direct guys in the past but still it has never happened, they don’t seem to get the technique or pressure right and the direction from me means I can’t fully relax and just enjoy myself.
I can orgasm by myself and using my vibrator, so I don’t think I have any physical issues.
It all just feels a bit deflating….😩

I don't think it's that unusual. I have had a lot of sexual partners and only a handful of them have been able to give me orgasms. I've been with my husband 6 years and I have consistent orgasms with him but that took time. With others in the past, a lot of them were one off encounters or casual sex. With some of them, either if the sexual chemistry was there, I really fancied them and they were skilled and passionate in bed, then I would cum. Sometimes it takes time to get to know the other partner's body and what they like, also the confidence to open up.

Thanks for answering. I’ve always tried to direct longer term partners but it just doesn’t happen. Casual I can cope with but knowing this may never happen, makes me feel deflated and that I’m missing so much. Maybe it’s me that’s the issue but I can orgasm by myself.

There comes a point where you will have to be direct. Do these men neither notice nor care that you are not getting off? What are you trying - do they do oral or use their hands at all?

A larger penis really helps in my experience.
I find it hard to relax enough to cum from oral and finding a guy who is skilled at fingering isn't easy.

Although I can only cum from missionary so still learning myself

I would communicate with your partner. Do you fake an orgasm? If you do, stop and if you sto don't fake it and he's not asking if you've come, then you need to find a nicer partner.

You have to tell him what you want him to do in order to help you orgasm and if he doesn't listen, tell him again. "That was lovely but I haven't come and I want to - let's try this...". Most women do not orgasm through PIV sex alone - it's not weird, it's not unusual - it's most women.

Use a little vibrator, use your own fingers, show him how to use his - but communication is key. If he doesn't know, he can't do anything about it 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't think it is unusual. Fir a long time I couldn't even come eith my vibrator🙄my first partner was selfish in bed. My second partner,53 and only had 2,was very generous,yet still I could not come without my vibrator. It wasn't an issue. Sex was very enjoyable. Therecwas loads of foreplay but still no orgasm without my vibrator. We used it together. Win win. Dialogue is the most important thing here.

Some men are keen to ask what turns you on and works for you, many aren’t. My bf is the most open guy I’ve had sex with and keeps saying he needs me to tell him what works for me. I mean he’s already worked out I like oral sex, and he likes giving it so I’m in heaven. He did say you need to bring your toys with you next time so think I will! I think a lot of the time I’ve got to get home and so I don’t full relax (be able to stay overnight soon) and then I feel I can’t cum. Or I get over stimulated and don’t cum, he does try so hard bless. It’s early days for us and I know we will get there. Be more open about what you want, it’s not easy though if you’re not used to being asked!

Also I still really enjoy it even when I don’t come but he seems to think I don’t unless I cum despite me saying otherwise

Get your other half to massage your G-spot - plenty of advice on this forum on how to do that. Coupled with direct clitoral stimulation using mouth fingers or tongue, you should get there. Trust me, I spent years learning how to do it!

You need a sexual partner who is interested if you’ve had an orgasm and if not is prepared to put the extra work in, whether that’s before with foreplay or after via stimulation.

My tip - start with rear entry spooning, which will allow YOU to use your favourite technique on your clitoris while being penetrated, and bring yourself to orgasm that way, and when it’s clear that you are enjoying that position, ask your partner to reach round and do the stroking! Take his free hand, lick the pad of his middle finger and move it where you want it!! Very erotic for him, and it’s easier to explain and show what you want (it comes down to place, pressure, speed doesn’t it!) when you’re not eyeballing each other! Good luck!!