Sex only in the day

[Ladymarmolade]

My partner prefers sex either in the morning or afternoon, I would like us to have sex at night maybe just now and again, I think it would be nice to fall asleep after.
He likes a drink but not every night even on the nights he's not drinking he won't
I'm feeling resentful about it, I have brought it up on the past and he's said I'll take that on board but I still get rejected at night .
It's selfish right?

Does he work? What time does he get up in the morning? Is he possibly just generally too tired by night? I don't live with my partner and only get 1 chance a week to be intimate and that's in the morning, on my current routine of being up at 5am everyday with only around 4 hours sleep I have to say even though he gets me going in the evening when we get 5 minutes alone I don't think I could follow through with everything as I'm exhausted by night

He should compromise and be willing at least once every so often though as I assume even if he is working and tired he's not doing it 7 days a week xx

How old is he ?
men testosterone levels peak in the morning, so he may feel more ‘sexy’ in the morning mid afternoon, then go into an evening dip,.

Yeah he mostly works from home, not long days either, he's late 50's.
A compromise would be nice, you know even if it's just every so often

If he is late 50s you might need to mix things up to have to have evening / night sex, go out for an evening meal, overnight stay away etc,
im mid 50s and find that an evening in front of the telly is a killer and I’m just asleep about 10 pm whereas a night out keeps me awake.

I am in the same boat. We have talked about it but nothing changes. There is no spontaneity at all and I’m getting bored. Always morning/ afternoon same time same place. I am currently avoiding his advances ( by being busy on here) as I feel resentful.

@BigButtons I hope my partner never gets bothered by the lack of spontaneity, as a Type 1 diabetic with blood glucose that can drop like goodness knows what he never gets spontaneity and isn't likely to again

Why don't you just say no to it during the day, the way he says no at night? I'm sure he'll come round if he doesn't have other options.

Your situation is completely different. My partner has become lazier and less bothered to make an effort as the years have gone by. There is no compromise and he hasn’t got any health issue to take into consideration.

@BigButtons can you not be spontaneous?

I have tried in the past. Would nearly always be turned down so now I don’t bother.

I have thought about with holding but it doesn't seem right.
I've brought it up on several occasions how much I'd like this to happen it seems my feelings aren't important.
He literally gets into bed and falls straight asleep even though I might make advances he just pretends it's not happening.
Maybe he is tired or pissed but I'm sick of the daytime routine.

@Ladymarmolade I had the ‘talk’ again with dp. He had noticed that I avoided the usual morning routines. I explained again that we were having sex when he wanted and that there should be at least some compromise .
so we had sex last night. It will undoubtedly go back to mornings again though unless I push the issue.

I have seen with holding sex recommended on this forum quite a lot, personally I think this is bad idea as you are almost turning sex into a bargaining weapon.
but could you use it as a negotiation position and agree to sex but evenings once a week?

Not Having sex when you don’t want it or if you are feeling resentful about the dynamics going on when approached for sex is not withholding it.
He has no incentive to change if you carry on with the status quo.

Big buttons....I do get resentful.
I said two nights ago can we have sex tonight, he said yeah course but then had too much to drink. I know it would be disastrous and he just went straight to sleep.
I feel like my feelings aren't been considered but having said that I think this is the least of my problems....
I am resentful tonight because I found out he's been giving money to his son again, I know it's not my money it's just I hate the secrecy around it and I get why he hides it from me because he knows I don't like his enabling behavior, after all his son is 37 with a decent job. He gives it because they are used to getting what they want and it's that only thing they understand....cash.
So I'm resentful and hardly felt like sex anyway because I'm upset he conceals this from me makes me wonder what else he's hiding.

@Ladymarmolade ah yes the drink thing. That sounds familiar.
it does sound like there are other issues going on for you.
have you thoughts about what you will do?

I don't honestly know, I'm at an age where I just want to be loved and I do love him but I hate him being a pushover and being used it's not attractive. It eats away at me and I feel I'm always second best.