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Original poster

Sleep sex/masturbation fantasy

21 replies

hellohiheyho · 02/06/2022 23:13

My husband has recently told me about a fantasy/kink he has where I wake him up by trying to have sex with him. We've been together for years and I've never had a clue about this so it's taken me by surprise and I'm not sure how I feel about it. At first it started off with him wanting me to masturbate him in his sleep to the point of climax which I have done a few times even though I felt uncomfortable about it (there's something about a completely unresponsive body that makes me feel weird about it) but now he'd like me to fully try to wake him up up by having sex with him.
I understand this is a kink and I don't think it's weird but I also don't feel that comfortable with it. Tbh sex has always been a bit of an issue with us (me not particularly wanting it as much as him) so I'm not sure if it's just that. He's not really pressuring me but I do also feel bad about not wanting to do it because he says things like he feels like a freak etc and that it's on his mind a lot. Even talking about it turns him on.
I just feel a bit lost. Is this something I should do even if I'm not fully comfortable with it?

OP posts:

bedtimeisthebest · 03/06/2022 07:12

One of the first times I spent the night with my FWB she woke me up by giving me BJ.

As soon as I woke she stopped which added to the naughtiness of it.

Sparkybloke · 03/06/2022 07:29

As with all things sex related....if you don't like it or if you don't feel completely comfortable with it there is your answer....don't do it. And even if there are times you do want it but there are times you don't your partner must respect your wishes...
An ex gf hated oral sex....we didn't indulge. My OH loves it. We indulge often...but we ask one another first...the answer is always yes😜
Talk to your partner but no means no and you don't need to give any other explanations if its something you don't like...it's that simple!

Original poster

hellohiheyho · 03/06/2022 10:12

He knows I don't feel comfortable with it but he still mentions it in a sort of hopeful way that makes me feel guilty. So then I end up feeling like I have to do it otherwise I'm being unreasonable or something.

OP posts:

Jimmum1978 · 04/06/2022 08:19

My late husband would often wake me up with his head between my thighs. It was very enjoyable and I would pretend still to be sleeping even though fully awake

HoneyRose87 · 04/06/2022 10:57

hellohiheyho · 03/06/2022 10:12

There’s your answer, if you don’t feel comfortable, don’t do it. No woman should be pressurised into doing a sex act they don’t want to do.

sarahmum1978 · 04/06/2022 12:07

I love giving oral and love the feeling of being in control

ImprovingHusband · 13/06/2022 14:16

Hmm. I’ve woken my wife up a few times with rubbing her all over and ending up using my hand to bring her to orgasm. We both enjoy that, the spontaneity of it is part of the pleasure.

I would love to be woken up by her although as I’m the early bird in our marriage my expectations are low!

I hear the argument about not being pressured and wholeheartedly agree as this should steer folk away from the sort of manipulation associated with forms of abuse. It is tricky though because there is a place for making a healthy decision to do something which might not be our favourite thing, but we choose to do it out of love for our other half. I would default to ‘no’ for anything illegal, demeaning of me or my wife, or painful. But there are things I would choose to do for her pleasure more than my own.

WhenDovesFly · 13/06/2022 14:30

It's natural to feel uncomfortable about this because having sex with someone who is asleep means you do not have their consent at that particular moment (despite the fact they've mentioned previously they'd like it to happen). It could be considered sexual assault on the sleeping person. If you do go ahead with his fantasy, make it quite clear that you do not give consent for him to ever wake you in such a manner.

Namechangeforhere · 14/06/2022 14:22

DW and I did this a few years ago. I often work until the early hours and she is usually early to bed anyway. We discussed it at length before and she texted me while I was at work before she went to bed to confirm she will still happy for me to do it.

It sounded really sexy in the build up, but at the time, it actually made me feel uncomfortable to the point that I was going to stop, however she started to wake up and wanted me to carry on. I was much happier once she was awake and able to confirm it was ok. I only used my hands while she was asleep, I don't think I could have done anything else until she woke up.

We discussed it afterwards, and I do not feel that i could do it again to her, simply because it felt so wrong. I would have been up for being on the receiving end, but due to the way it made me feel doing it to her, she decided she didn't want to, which was fine.

husbandnet · 08/08/2022 18:11

This is an indication that he wants to feel like you have sexual desires too.

Saturdaymorningsaregreat · 09/08/2022 09:10

For a lot of years this is something I'd really have loved my wife to have done to me - especially at a time when I was regularly waking up with "morning wood"! I don't think I'd have described it as a kink. Just the idea of being brought to wakefulness in such a blissful way seemed wonderful to me.

I suggested a few times to her how lovely I would find this but she's never taken it up. Although like a pp I'm most definitely the "early bird" in our relationship and she generally slumbers blissfully on while I'm up and about which has always made it unlikely anyway.

But I suspect also, like you, it's something she just wouldn't want naturally to do. Just not her thing. I hear what you are saying about your differing levels of sex drive and I think it's the same with us. Which a few years along in our marriage now I realise is no worries. We're all different and some very nice things you end up doing and some things you don't. The problem comes if it becomes an "issue" with hurt feelings, reluctance, guilt, etc spoiling an otherwise good relationship.

Having said all that on this particular question I think I'd feel very reticent doing the same to my wife if she was asleep, even if she explicitly asked for it. As others have mentioned there is something fundamental about the question of specific, conscious consent rather than a more "general" consent I think.

bombemma · 10/08/2022 08:34

Aw this is actually something we do children being out dependent, couldn't think of a better way to wake up

Umwelt · 11/08/2022 20:31

Hilarious. Pleased to hear I'm not alone. But, all partners were happy to try and curious as to what would happen. You do need to be really comfortable with someone to try this tho. Personal opinion, I wouldn't even consider this with someone I'm not fully involved with...

chocolateonmyface · 11/08/2022 20:35

HoneyRose87 · 04/06/2022 10:57

There’s your answer, if you don’t feel comfortable, don’t do it. No woman should be pressurised into doing a sex act they don’t want to do.

Show quote history

No one should be pressurised, not just women.

Sunnytwobridges · 26/08/2022 18:44

My ex used to say he wanted me to do this. But it's just not "me" to do something like this prob cause I don't desire sex like that to initiate. So it never crosses my mind and if I did do it would feel awkward to me and not be a pleasant experience at all. I'd probably laugh. LOL

DesertOrchi · 26/08/2022 22:12

I wish I had someone to do this to me

justabagman · 26/08/2022 22:40

DesertOrchi · 26/08/2022 22:12

I wish I had someone to do this to me

yes , I'd second that .

even reading about it sounds very exciting

where do you find someone ?

Opentooffers · 27/08/2022 02:30

Hmm, it's an interesting one. As a kink per se, I wouldn't have an issue with it, because he's already expressed a wish and desire for it, so given consent in advance. However, it could be a strategy to get you to have more sex with him, given that otherwise you are not that keen. There are different ways of interpreting that depending if you put a positive or negative spin on it.
The positive would be that you get to chose the timing and the night, and hopefully pic a moment when up for it, without pressure from him - and pressure turns most people off.
The negative side is if you are never in the mood, so only do it because you feel the weight of advanced pressure. In which case, look at why you are not interested, are there valid reasons because there are crap things going on within your relationship.? Do you not fancy him that way anymore or any man? Is there a medical or hormonal reason that a GP could help with?

Estherpologist · 27/08/2022 07:51

IMHO this is is no way kinky. But we all define that based on our very individual perception of normal sex.

I'm not for a moment suggesting anyone should be pressured into doing things, but it is worth considering the benefit to you and the relationship that comes from your partner's sense of fulfilment. And visa versa. And that's not just about sex. You might want to go to the theatre, your OH doesn't, but it strengthens the relationship if you do it together. If you never get to go to the theatre, or go alone or with someone else, it weakens the relationship.
www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/talking-apes/202105/the-role-gratitude-in-sexual-communal-strength

Samantha87 · 02/09/2022 13:09

My bf often wakes me up by going down on me or even with his dick in me. I love it. I also asked him to wank over my boobs when I'm asleep and film it. Its naughty and horny.

Maryagness19 · 28/03/2023 21:06

My hubs just seems to want sex all the time just recently I don’t know what has changed. He haven’t wanted it for that long it feels strange.I am confused going from 0 to everyday is worrying me has he had someone on the side and they have broken up or is he seeing someone now and just wants sex cos he more turned on has anyone come across this before

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