So wrong but so right!

[Ohthereagain]

This may be a question for the men of Mumsnet but may be other women have experienced similar. Many years ago I met a guy, we had a relationship for 9 months, he taught me so many things and introduced me to things we both found enjoyable and sexually we clicked, I’ve never experienced that since him, when we broke up, I felt lost and sometimes I still think about him, not often but the memory is still there. The problem was he was shut down emotionally, as soon as sex was over, he didn’t like affection, he never showed emotion, spoke about his feelings, told me he loved me etc. I don’t think it was because he didn’t want to be with me, when I ended the relationship, he told me he’d never felt this way about a woman before but was emotionless, I tried to change him because the lack of emotion was too much for me but realised I couldn’t which is why I had to end things. I felt he was so right in many ways, we laughed, had great sex, the connection was unreal, but it was so wrong in many ways.
Why do you think he was like this? I’ve always wondered and wonder whether he did change.

He was possibly on the autistic spectrum. I believe I am (still waiting for tests...), as I struggle with empathy, and picking up signals.

Despite having been married for a loooong time (20+ years - now divorced) I'm not sure I've ever experienced romantic love, and I also struggle to express and talk about my feelings - although forums like this help, as it's anonymous.

I know these things about myself, and am getting much better at talking about them, but only after a fair bit of counselling.

My current FWB is aware of all this, and has helped me be more open & honest about things - but just the fact that we are FWB will tell you that I'm still struggling with the concept of romantic love. I'm quite happy with the fact that we do (fairly) normal "coupley" things (we even went on holiday together), but the relationship revolves around sex (and we're both quite happy about it! )

However, I do enjoy hugs & cuddles, touching, stroking, kissing etc before and after sex, so I'd say I'm possibly in a better position than your xp.

Before I get flamed, she is just as happy with the relationship as it is as I am.

Thank you for your honest reply, I am not sure if he was on the autistic spectrum, he had very good social skills etc, he was generally very outgoing, more so than me but maybe I’m not being broad-minded enough to realise there are lots of different spectrums.
It just seemed that there was that part that was missing, I often wonder if I should have pushed it further but i felt I had to respect that part of him, I think he knew it was an issue and maybe he did seek help, or maybe not. Either way it doesn’t matter now because that’s in the past and we both have different lives now.
I am glad the counselling helped and you recognise this and that your FWB has helped you to be more open.

@Ohthereagain II'm great in social circles - very outgoing, easy going, can chat to most people, lots of people like me etc - none of that means I can empathise with people, or can show affection.

For instance, did he ever show affection for anyone else? - I’ve become a hugger, but I wasn’t

Maybe you’re right, there may have been a lot more to it, when his Mum had a diagnosis of an incurable disease, he didn’t react, he seemed non-emotive whilst talking about it. He rarely hugged me, we’d be more affectionate during sex but aside from that there was nothing. Saying that, the sex we had was always great, we had so much chemistry. Maybe he recognised this as he got older and was able to change, I guess I’ll never know.