Partner’s desires or am I boring?

[Yellowcat29]

We are both in our 50’s, when we met I had come out of a sexless marriage.
Things were good at the beginning but now he implies that I’m sexually boring...he wants to try threesomes and for me to go with other men whilst he watches. He also tells me that this is what most men want and I should also get excited about going with a woman. I can’t think of anything worse.
I’ve never done any of this nor do I have any desire to but he brings it up every 5 minutes. If I go to the shop or meet my friends I must be looking for someone he thinks and it excites him. All woman go out looking for a bit of d* I’m told. He’s vocal about it during sex too.
He was married for a long time prior to his divorce, his wife left for someone else.
I know he watches porn (we don’t live together). Are his desires normal and have I lived in a cave for years? Or, as I suspect, have I set my bar too low?

JFC! What a pig.

Fine for him to bring it up once. However, you have presumably said that’s not your thing, so it’s awful for him to be pestering you to do these things, guilt tripping you and making out you are boring to try and coerce you into agreeing.

LTB!

He also tells me that this is what most men want and I should also get excited about going with a woman. I can’t think of anything worse.

I’m a man in my 50’s and I don’t want any of this either, I would absolutely not want to see my partner with another man while I watch

I'm sorry but there is something very wrong with your DH. Has he always been like this? If not, I'm concerned he's having some sort of medical problem

@dumdumduuuummmmm I’m wondering what kind of medical problem you might mean? He’s only been like this for the past year I would say, we’ve only been together for 3.

I'm a man and I'd hate to see my wife with anyone else.

I love her, she loves me. Neither of us loves anyone else so why would either of us shag anyone else?

He is a wanker
you have made it clear it is not for you yet he pesters you, all the time it seems
to say what most women would want sex with another woman! How the hell would he know?
i would hate the thought of my wife being fucked by someone else while I watched I think most couples would see things along these lines and for it to happen both would need to be totally on board

he is trying to push you into things that you have no interest in and go against how you feel
i think a very direct conversation at the very least (if others areas are good, which would be surprising as he does not respect you at all)
or save yourself the hassle and bin him sooner than later

I'd echo the other posters - each to their own but my wife and I are definitely enough company for each other in bed. I get that people's fantasies differ but neither my wife nor I have any desire to involve anyone else.

He's trying hard to normalise what is niche, in the hope you'd go along with it. If anyone suggested this to me, they'd be an instant ex as clearly not on the same page and would be an total turn off.
So yea, your bar is too low and he's a sleaze.

Good god. Yet again I'm appalled at my gender.
Men do not want to watch their partners with other men.
The whole thought horrifies me.
And this shite that women go out looking for "dick"?
Appalling excuse of a man.

Thank you all, I’ve been reassured by you all that, as suspected, he’s a sleaze.
I definitely need to raise my bar higher and find someone who treats me as I’d like to be treated. How he went from being ok for the first couple of years to like this beats me though.

@Yellowcat29 "he implies that I’m sexually boring...he wants to try threesomes and for me to go with other men whilst he watches" and "I should also get excited about going with a woman. I can’t think of anything worse"

His desires / fantasies aren't necessarily abnormal - a lot of people, both men and women, are into this sort of thing, and if you are, go for it, but if you aren't then stick to your guns - no-one that cares for you will ever want you to / make you do something you aren't comfortable with.

It sounds like either a) he has been watching a lot of porn in the last year, or b) he has discovered swinging, where this sort of thing is reasonably normal, and he wants you to be part of that lifestyle. (I wonder why his xw left...)

You've made it quite clear to him that you aren't interested, and that your sex life is just fine as it is, thank you very much, but he doesn't seem to be listening.

I'd give him an ultimatum. Either he stops going on about threesomes etc, or he finds someone else.

I agree with @AverageGuy I think he's discovered swinging or has cuckold fantasies. Fine if that's your thing too, but no way should he be going on about it like this. It'd chip away at my self-esteem personally, and I'd chuck this one back.

Popping on for an update. Against everyone’s advice (I know) I didn’t dump him and kept things going for a couple of months. I stupidly said I would give his desires some thought but the more I thought about it, the more he went on about wanting to see me with another man, wanting to find another couple to share our relationship etc and how if I just let go I’d enjoy it, how he wished I was more adventurous etc and how he would prefer an alternative lifestyle as he’s getting older. Every time he phoned or messaged that’s all I would hear.
I didn’t do it...the thought sickened me. It was eating up my every thought and I started to realise how he couldn’t actually love me or respect me or understand that no means no.
So for the past few days I’ve been unwell and sleeping when I can during the day. He’s phoned me, excited as he hopes I’m in bed with someone else. So today I’ve ended it. I’m so sad but there will be someone out there who loves me for me and treats me with the love and respect that I actually think I deserve.

You have absolutely done the right thing. You deserve better than that pig of a man who was trying to coerce you into practices that you aren't into. Believe me, i've never met a man who would want to do any of those things with his partner!

I hope you find somebody soon who loves , respects and treats you like the wonderful woman you sound.

big hugs , have a lovely BH weekend x

How kind of you to say that, thank you x

Did you tell him why he was dumped and what was his reaction?

Well done by the way

I just messaged him and told him that I wish he’d had the decency to be honest at the beginning of our relationship and that monogamy and my values are important to me. Not quite as politely as that though. I never gave a chance for him to respond as I then blocked him. 😇

I didn't see this when you originally posted but I am SO glad to read the update!