How to support husband with ED

[BeQuietAndDrive]

Yesterday my husband broke down and told me he has been having problems getting erect and been masking it with Viagra. I had no idea. He's only 40 and said he has been feeling suicidal over it. It's been for a month.

I feel terrible for him he has been suffering with this alone. I'm also scared because I know it can be linked to serious health problems. He's in generally good health and a healthy weight, doesn't smoke.

He feels completely emasculated. Sex is a big part of him and us. He says he now feels unattractive having told me. Nothing has changed for me, I still fancy him. He's trying to get an appointment with our shit useless GP but how do I support him in the meantime? He is extremely low.

So much of this is mental - I have been there. First rule out anything medical - thats GP - bloods, BP, heart etc. Then see if you can get to talk it through. For men our penises are our whole worlds - thats kinda odd but that is it - they are a very visual part of our world. In my experience Cialis is better than Viagra - less side effects and less regular taking of it. I came through the other side of this and was fine - I dont need Cialis or Viaga now but at the time it was a pretty damaging blow to my confidence. Ask if you have any more Q's.

All you can do really until he is seen medically is to provide reassurance that it changes nothing, make him feel as loved as you can. I can't imagine how he feels, but hopefully you can get an appointment soon.

I agree with PP that all you can really do is support him, yes ED can be a forerunner for heart and circulatory issues, but he if fit with a good diet, no smoker etc that should be okay
Chronic ED tends to come on slowly not in a month, so could be a performance issue or stress etc.
the other thing you could look at is a blood test from Numan, might be quicker than waiting for a DRs appointment.
The more difficult thing to consider is your relationship, if a man cannot get an erection is erodes self worth and plays on your mind, so try to look to build strength in other parts of your relationship.

He should also get his testosterone levels checked. 40 would be young for hypogonadism but not unheard of. My DH was diagnosed with it at 46.

I know he desires me, I'm not worried about that. @ThisisMax how long did it last for? Yes, his sexuality is a huge part of him and my biggest worry is for his mental health.

I hope we manage to get through to the doctor's tomorrow! I have a home BP machine I got to monitor during pregnancy and his blood pressure was normal.

@MissConductUS does hypogonadism not mean infertility?

Hi, it lasted about two months but then I realised most of the stress was self inflicted. As I aged my erections became less firm, still fine but I got obsessed with the loss of hardness and confidence disappeared from then. So it takes only a small thing to change. Now its all fine again and I accept my body changes as I age and sex is fine again. Cialis was useful as I saw it as an asset not a problem.

@BeQuietAndDrive , it can refer to either low testosterone or low sperm count, or both, as low sperm count can be related to low testosterone.

www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/male-hypogonadism/symptoms-causes/syc-20354881

Can pure exhaustion cause it? He's a SAHD and I went back to work full time 5 weeks ago, it's been exhausting for us both.

@BeQuietAndDrive Yes, stress & exhaustion can cause ED, and I bet this is the cause. Although there are some physical reasons for ED, there are lots of others (psychological) too that can be overwhelming.
See this link: www.nhs.uk/conditions/erection-problems-erectile-dysfunction/

I'm sorry that you're both struggling with this. I imagine your support is a huge reassurance for him. Whilst you're waiting to get a Dr's appointment, is it worth trying Viagra or Cialis over the counter? It might help DH & allow him to see that it's a temporary thing.

Absolutely It can, once you have had a failure it gets in your head as a self fulfilling prophecy and it’s hard to get past (no pun intended), sex is probably at the bottom of his list of things to think about, just give it some time and support, he might want to speak to someone over the suicidal thoughts