Hi
I’m 51, been with my now DH 3 years, he’s 57. He’s always been quite shy/inhibited around sex but I (naively) thought it would get better with time.
He suffers from ED on and off although this has never been fronted (he’ll just say oh too much to drink tonight/too tired) and then it’s ok the next time. And because it doesn’t happen every time it never seems to be a big enough issue to bring up.
But sex is only and always in the missionary position, it’s good when it happens but for me it’s like eating the same thing every day. I have tried to bring stuff up like “why don’t we try it this way” but any forays into different positions (e.g from behind or me on top) seem to result in losing his erection. He says “we’ll do it like that the next time” but never does. He likes when I perform oral sex on him (although cannot go all the way) but doesn’t return the favour, although he’ll use his fingers (well) He’s only gone down on me maybe three times, all at my instigation, and it’s clear he doesn’t like it. I have no evidence he doesn’t like women’s bodies per say but the thought has crossed my mind.
Incredibly difficult to start a conversation as I worry we’ll lose what we do have sexually if I start bringing this up now at our stage of relationship.There’s so much (mild) stuff that I’d like to do but even dressing up in nice underwear seems to be of no interest. I have no expectations or desires that go beyond the bedroom basics but it’s almost like he has no desires beyond the extremely straightforward and basics of penetrative sex. He’s never expressed a preference for anything at all in bed- never talks dirty, never really explores my body or asks for me to do anything to him beyond the very basic. It’s all very clean, almost clinical. He’s very affectionate in other ways and after sex. No idea about what sex was like within his previous relationships. No idea/evidence that he watches porn or what he’s into. Nada. He’s pretty avoidant in terms of difficult talks and I don’t have much insight into his inner world with regards to this. Any insights welcome. I am aware I need to address this, just not sure how.