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To not bother with this counselling?

5 replies

whatifitdid · 19/05/2022 20:00

I’m 31, I’ve never been in a relationship or had sex . Very complex feelings around sex and my body (past trauma) . I’ve been referred for psychosexual therapy with an NHS specially trained doctor, offered a face to face appointment in a fortnight - I had a telephone appt three weeks ago after a 9 month wait in which she recommended we meet face to face .

I’m unsure if it’s worth going . My life is very very messy at the moment, long standing issues that are a big part of the reason why I’m not having sex or dating . They’re not likely to resolve any time soon unfortunately.

I’ve got a diagnosis of vaginismus, and some difficulty around achieving orgasm (ie I can get there but it takes forever and just muscle release, no real pleasure or anything) . I’m on highest dose of anti depressants which I suspect is probably also having an effect .

I suspect the doctor is going to just tell me to ‘sort myself’ more often - on the phone she said something about trying to do it more for enjoyment’s sake as opposed to ‘feeling better’ . God knows what that means, probably trying to slow down or something . She said something on the phone about buying a vibrator but living situation (walls are thin!) means I’m less than comfortable with that .

I’m not sure if it’s worth me going to the appt, I think the doctor was thinking along the same lines as said was I sure now was/is the right time to be exploring this, and now thinking about it I’m not actually sure it is .

OP posts:
bleachedgusset · 20/05/2022 08:15

I would go anyway. The waiting times are huge and you might just hear something from the therapist that helps. They'll be interested in what's happening in your life as a whole, not just the sex stuff.

Good luck 🤞🏼

EndersGame · 20/05/2022 22:35

Yes you should go. You have admitted that life is messy at the moment so some counselling would be beneficial. If the counsellor does just say "sort yourself out" they are not very good at their job as they should be taking a whole history and looking holistically. GO.

Jumpking · 20/05/2022 22:56

Honestly? It sounds like you've given up before you've even tried.

If you're asking if you should go, then it doesn't sound to me like you're invested or interested in walking towards a solution for your issues.

ItWillBeOkHonestly · 21/05/2022 08:23

Therapy is an act of kindness to yourself and with the complex history you mention, why put it off? You might find that therapy will unlock/help other areas of your life too.

Isitsixoclockalready · 21/05/2022 10:16

If there's any part of you that feels there is a risk of feeling that you have 'missed out' in years to come by not addressing it then I would seriously consider it.

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