Allowing your partner to experience their fantasy….

[PaddlingLikeADuck]

What would you do if you knew your partner wanted to sexually experience something, just once before they die, in order to fulfil a fantasy they’ve always had, but it’s not something you’re interested in yourself and you know you will never want to be involved with it.

Could you feel ok about saying no and preventing your partner from experiencing their fantasy in the knowledge they will never get to do it because of you?

Or if you knew their fantasy had no bearing on your relationship or the way they felt about you, would you give them a free pass to just once, go and do it with another person so you know you aren’t responsible for them never experiencing something that they really, really want to do?

Depends what it is tbh
If its something I really wouldn't want to do then it would remain a fantasy for them

No I wouldn't give them a free pass to go and fulfil their fantasy with someone else

No. There's literally loads of things I've never done in life because I am in a committed relationship with DP.

I have always wanted to spend a year living abroad. He doesn't and can't leave family here. So I'm not going. Why is it different.

Not a free pass, no and I wouldn't expect one either. When you make a commitment to someone then you accept that there are certain things that you won't get to experience because of that commitment.

Yes I absolutely would.

Fantasies should include both partners or else it just becomes cheating imo. Plus there is no way if they did it once that would ever be enough.

I agree, it does depend on the fantasy and whether it's unreasonable.

If you want help in a more constructive way it might be helpful to share an idea of what it is.

If it's too close to the bone then no worries and good luck!

I guess it depends on what it is ?
we did most of ours before we got together so happy as things are

If he wants to do something that much, I'm not sure he'd be happy with doing it just once...

We all die and most of us don't know when it is, so by that logic, if you would let them shag someone else before death, you may as well let them do it now. So no I wouldn't.

It’s actually me.

I often wonder what it would be like to be intimate with another women. I think and fantasise about it a lot.

My husband is aware and I did discuss the idea of a threesome but he said it’s not something he’s interested in.

I guess I just feel sad that I’m never going to be able to try something that I’m so curious about and something that I would love to experience.

Both parties must be in agreement and be something both are comfortable with. Acting out each other’s is good for the relationship

I don't have an issue with this because DP and I are in an open relationship. We recognise that there may be needs and desires that the other cannot meet, so we "outsource" those experiences. But, there are always very clear discussions about boundaries and insecurities before either of us has a date with another person.

This is a useful discussion about permission and consent..

I think you need to talk to your DH about how you're feeling. But, if he's adverse to a threesome, it's doubtful he'll agree to you meeting another woman on your own.

You could check out SkirtClub or Killing Kittens chat groups where you'll get lots of advice from others in similar situations.

There's a thread on here "Finding a like-minded woman" have a little read :-)

You both need to discuss it and be sure you can both cope with the feelings afterwards.
My husband wanted me to have a 3some with him and a friend.
I thought long and hard about it and after a while I agreed to a 3some but only with someone we didnt know.
Hubby set it up through an adult dating site and fortunately we both enjoyed the experience and have now progressed to attending swingers clubs and extending our boundaries.
That initial experience has certainly enhanced our marriage and led to things I would never have dreamt about a few years ago

I have accepted it won’t happen.

I did raise the issue again with him a few nights ago and he said he finds the idea of people being attracted to someone of the same sex “really odd”. That goes for men and women.

So yes, I know the fantasy is something I’m going to have to let go of, but I feel very sad about it.

Never say never