How many sexual partners is too many?

[Ajay96]

Hi, I'm looking for personal opinions and/or experiences here, no judgements made.
How many sexual partners is too much? And would u judge someone with a high number, especially if they were a potential partner?
A recent conversation with a friend sparked this debate. As a 31 year old single mum, professional careers, bought house etc, who lost her virginity at 16, had a 10 year relationship with ex (completely faithful), however also had many one night stands during my single years. This happened mainly out of avoidance of commitment etc, therefore in total I have slept with around 45 people, including many adventurous experiences along the way. I'm not ashamed of this, as these moments good or bad, were my choice, where I learned many different things. I'm pretty open about my past etc, however I could tell my friend was shocked and although played it down was judging my character for this. I've looked online but numbers were extremely low for average amounts so was curious and wanted to ask real woman x

Professinal female here, early 40s in age and, I suspect, a higher number of bed friends than you OP. Nobody told me i had to keep a visitors book. I started early, none of this "lost virginity" nonsense, nothing was "lost" in my view it's sexist language. I am not saying you are personally being sexist though.

I've enjoyed both genders ( later discovery in my 30s) and I would say that the right number of partners is exactly the right number of friendships you have epxeprienced with consent.

The important thing is that you share sex with someone as opposed to let someone have sex, lots of women and girls do. Enjoy the 46th. And don't let anyone tell you it's wrong. They would not say it to a man.

Professinal - Professional. But I can't type. 😀

Lol I love your attitude to the topic. I wrote my log retrospectively out of curiosity, didn't realise was that long. Although there's a few I would've changed, they were all my own choice so I fully accept them, with no regrets. They were lessons I learned from, so helped shape who I am today. X

Hope u don't mind me asking, but as a professional due to feel that people would judge you more if they knew your sexual history? Compared to some one in less skilled/paid job etc? I'm only asking as I do feel people job my personal life more because of my profession, acting like I'm not supposed to let my hair down at home because what I do for work.

There's no number that's "too many". It's up to you to decide what you're happy with in your life.
As far as I'm concerned, life is short, so if you want to have sex, then do! Who do you owe it to to hold back? Why should anyone judge?

I'm 53 now and been monogamous for 33 years, but I had my fun before then. It makes me feel angry now at some of the shame and regret that the culture of the time (mid to late 80's) made me feel: you weren't supposed to have sex unless in a relationship with someone you had feelings for; it was just... wrong. And girls in particular would be regarded as loose, easy, cheap, dirty, etc. for deviating from this. I could enjoy a ONS in the heat of a drunken evening, but would be racked with guilt later. I'm annoyed now that enjoyable experiences were spoilt like that.

I think we've moved on since then and most reasonable people would think that it's perfectly fine to have sex whenever you want!

No number is too many. I'm glad you've had lots of enjoyable sex. Many women would love to say the same.

I understand the "professional" aspect. When I split from ex and went online to find partners, I seriously considered my job in that. But soon concluded if anyone judges, it's on them, not me.

I agree with PP...sex in early 90s wasn't very different. I remember my friends laughing that I had to do the "walk of shame" the next morning after a ONS.

You keep on enjoying yourself OP and be safe.

Numbers are irrelevant and no one should judge you due to a number. If you are happy thats all that matters

My 'magic number' is somewhere between 40-50... I've not really been keeping count.

I guess there's a very tenuous argument that somebody who is intelligent and self-aware might make better decisions about their sexual behaviour and, in my experience, professional women are often the most self-assured of sluts. They know what they want and aren't frightened to go out and get it.

I couldn't give two hoots if people judge me for the number of sexual partners I've had... they're not the kind of people I'd want in my life anyway. This is not the 1950s. I enjoy sex and I'll fuck whoever I like. 😀

I've no idea tbh. Mine is 50+. Men face no shame due to numbers of partners this double standard really needs to die.

Context and faithfulness is what I think matters.

My number is in the late 30s now. Yes some people definitely judge so... I don't tell people. I know why I had sex with every one of those fine people and in all honesty I don't think I would change a thing - some of those experiences are among my happiest memories, some aren't.

I know a friend who i think has probably had a pretty adventurous sex life, but I only know that after knowing her for a couple of decades. She's never told me any details or numbers, it's more in other remarks and in her very non judgemental personality. I like that I don't know.

Is there such a thing as too few ? I have had 3 partners including my wife. One was just once, the next a handful of times. Then been together in the same relationship for 20 years. I am so curious what it could have been / could be like with others. I think it’s too few for someone in their mid to late 40s. Almost like something passed me by.

Not really brrr. In the liveliest part of my sex life I had less sex than an ordinary married couple would do, because the logistics of arranging it were much more challenging.

What really struck me about having casual sex in my 50s was how much better at it we all were compared to our early 20s, because of the experience we'd gained in long relationships.

Sounds like me

Mid 90s, my first time was a ONS age 18. Second time was boyfriend I'd been with a few months. Only DTD once.

Then my now XH. 22 years together.

Divorced mid 40s, so same as you. I never felt I was missing out on not having had more partners Having said that, my count has gone up considerably now given the circumstances.

I enjoyed the different experiences with different men. Some men far better than others. Now really enjoying being with the same man for the last 7 months... Knowledge has developed of what the other really likes.

ONS/FWB have the immediate thrill of someone new/sole focus on pleasure. Long term has the thrill that you know exactly what buttons to press to get each other going, and you get to develop that deeper closeness that goes beyond just sex. Forgot how much I enjoyed that bit too.

According to my own suggestion One sexual partner is enough, because of keeping your body and mind health very well. Wants to seek more sexual partner is makes so much trouble in your own financial and physical.

No there is no “too many” or “too few” I have no idea how many but I have had lots of wonderful experiences with different people. I’m with someone now so have only been with them in recent years but should we finish in the future I will definitely be having some casual fun again - I’d never judge anyone