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Original poster

Another sex life thread

26 replies

MummaL32 · 31/03/2022 11:38

Trying not to
Compare.. to other couples but I have been wondering how often do you all have sex in a settled/ marriage / relationship?

Do you wish it was more or are you happy with what you have?

Currently I feel as if my married sex life has become completely nonexistent and no matter what I do or say it doesn't improve

Sorry for ranting currently pretty fed up!

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 31/03/2022 11:41

Once a week usually - a weekend morning

Original poster
MummaL32 · 31/03/2022 11:49

@dementedpixie

Is that enough for you?

Not only had our sex life gone down the pan but in the last month I've discovered DH has watched porn so I'm struggling to understand if he's not getting it enough why isn't he trying more then go to that when he knows I want it more ! Ours has gone from 1/2 times a day to 1/2 times a month if I'm lucky!

I've lost my shit this morning sadly and not proud of myself but finding this out and feeling totally rejected which might sound silly but didn't feel silly in the moment Hmm

OP posts:
CuriousD · 31/03/2022 11:54

Do you both initiate? Or do you always wait for him to initiate?

Original poster
MummaL32 · 31/03/2022 12:03

I feel like it's always me Altho he has a few times it used to be a simple touch would lead to it , I've tried everything talking / dressing up / spontaneous / photos / texts even ended up in tears one might as it's bothered me so much and he says sorry I've been a shit husband I'll change but the next day nothing ever does

Now I've found the porn history I just lost it we are now not speaking as I feel like I've done everything possible to get it sorted and make it better and then find that just wound me up

OP posts:
Violet869 · 31/03/2022 12:32

I would not be happy if he was watching porn whilst putting very little effort into our sex life. So I can understand how you feel.
I would say I want sex more but we average 2-3 times per week.

FawnDrenched · 31/03/2022 12:39

It seems that it is easier for him to watch porn. He only has to satisfy himself, a bit of a clean up and then get on with the day. It may have become habitual for him to do this and to unlearn that behaviour will take commitment, cooperation and communication. Is that possible?

Original poster
MummaL32 · 31/03/2022 12:44

I truly believe that this is a
New thing with the porn , like within the last two months but it's been about 6 months plus things have been rubbish,
He claims he still wants sec with me but is too tired when we go bed he's made me feel so crap to be honest , we have a very loving married he's the most supportive person I've ever met but somethings gone amiss, I have talked till blue in the face for months it's not worked , nothing changes , 2-3 times a week id
Be happy with
Perhaps he's not as attractive to me anymore or has lost interest I do know I can not live in a sexless marriage and I have told him that weather that be right or wrong,

OP posts:
MrsGHarrison87 · 31/03/2022 13:17

We do it most nights and I'm happy with that. I think masturbation is healthy and normal alongside sex ( whether it's to porn or not is another matter) but if that is nonexistent then there's obviously a reason that things have gone stale as it's not his sex drive that's been affected but the way it relates to you. I'd be upset and angry like you if my husband did this and had not communicated with me his feelings. I think you need an open discussion and you both need to be honest.

dementedpixie · 31/03/2022 13:28

Dh gets up at 5.30am so evening sex is not happening! I'm quite happy with once a week tbh. We have been together for nearly 30 years

Jackofallsorts · 31/03/2022 13:56

The issue here isn't just the lack of sex. He's out of the intimate relationship. OP, if he witnessed you cry and shout over this and still hasn't amended his ways or come to a compromise, it's not going to change now.
Many people watch porn and masterbate but still maintain a healthy sex life with their partner.

I say this over and over again - each party had an equal responsibility to the relationship. No one gets to check out of intimacy or that responsibility (where there is no other problem in the background). Yes there is compromise and yes there is give and take, but watching your partner break down over something so fundamental and basically ignoring it, is something else.

He won't change.

Original poster
MummaL32 · 31/03/2022 14:34

Yes I think your right

Somethings defiantly changed with what seems like his lack of wanting me

I have tried to have an open discussion I have been patient and I have been reasonable and tried to look at every expiration for it , I found out about the porn last week, but I choose to ask him if he'd master bated as we wasn't having sex to which he denied and said he hadn't
But it's been bugging me ever since to the point we get into bed at night and I lay there for hours going over things in my head and today I just snapped he still denied it when I first asked untill I pinged him over the internet history screen shot I had had waiting on my
Phone to show to when he came clean! He hasn't spoken to me since
It's almost now like it's my fault we have fallen out and I'm getting the silent treatment or whatever or perhaps he knows I am so angry so just staying out the way,
Trouble is I have a really good marriage ex for this part of it but I can't continue to pretend I'm happy as a daisy when I ain't I can only
Push it down for so long before it rears it head again and I end up exploding with emotions, I've told him today it feels like he's mentally betrayed me (which sounds dramatic but it's how I feel) as he knows full well if he was feeling in the mood I would happily sort that out

What's a joke looking back is him getting rid of my toys I had before him saying I no longer need them and yet now he's doing this !

I realise some of this might sound really pathetic but it doesn't currently feel small or pathetic to me

OP posts:
19Bears · 31/03/2022 23:02

Zero times in 11 years. I honestly always feel shocked to hear that people actually do have sex for real!!!!

DHtrying · 01/04/2022 07:36

Once or twice a week, only in the morning, only at the weekend.

We're just too tired in the week so normally drift up to bed, shattered at different times anyway, and weekday mornings are trying to get two kids up and ready for school before work, so just not on the agenda.

Would like more, but its so dull, predictable and repetitive, I'd only like more if it was better, not more of the same, so masturbation is the quick and easy fix mid-week.

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 01/04/2022 17:50

1 to 2 times a day sounds like a lot (too me anyhow).
When I was in a steady relationship, 1 / 2 a week was about right, ( I see you were talking about 2/3 times a week).

Again, personally, I don’t think anyone masturbating is an issue, but putting that ahead of being initiate with a partner who wants sex (who you seem to ), is an issue.

Also agree with a PP, it sounds more of a relationship issue then a sex issue, as you are putting a lot of emphasis on sex ( which he may or may not actually want to have)

ThisisMax · 01/04/2022 21:10

I think you have to seperate the porn bit from the sex bit. Most men use porn but its very different from sex.
So Id concentrate on finding out what the issues are with sex- you wont find that out if you are shouting him down about porn use. Its also fine to have your own personal sex life and sexual fantasies that are yours privately.

IfNotNowWhen287 · 01/04/2022 22:42

@19Bears

Zero times in 11 years. I honestly always feel shocked to hear that people actually do have sex for real!!!!
Are you seriously happy, are you really old or both just not got any sex drive?
PaddlingLikeADuck · 02/04/2022 20:46

Been together 12 years, married for 9 and have two children aged 8 and 5.

We have it 1-2 times a week.

My husband would probably like it 7 days a week but he knows it’s never going to happen Grin

anewlife22 · 03/04/2022 09:15

I left my husband for this reason last year and let me tell you I've had more sex and GOOD sex than I've ever had in my whole life. Like wow. And now talking to someone who is desperate to see me next week and can I tell you yes it is worth it.

ChloBows1 · 03/04/2022 11:58

Well if he didn’t want to have sex with me and wanted to replace real life sex with his hand and porn, I’d find someone who did want to have sex with me.

Freddy12 · 04/04/2022 11:15

for us most days so 5-7 times a week
we have been together now 13 years, married 10 and has remained at this level which is lovely as we both really enjoy sex and the connection it brings
I was previously married and sex was a couple of times a month, this ultimately killed our marriage

Mammaoftwo08 · 05/04/2022 13:58

Well it's been over 2 months here now...seriously getting worse and I can't deal with the lack of sex any more 😕

Original poster
MummaL32 · 05/04/2022 20:17

Did have a lengthily discussion about it to which he said he had no idea how that could of made me feel and felt dreadful and hasn't really thought about it at the time just thought we was in a bit of a dry spell,

Since Friday I have to say he's made massive effort I am hoping it remains and we are able to get things back on track,

@Mammaoftwo08 have you tried discussing if?

OP posts:
Shunter350 · 06/04/2022 00:00

@anewlife22

I left my husband for this reason last year and let me tell you I've had more sex and GOOD sex than I've ever had in my whole life. Like wow. And now talking to someone who is desperate to see me next week and can I tell you yes it is worth it.
I don't disbelieve you @anewlife22 but it flummoxed me.. The women I chat too just don't mention sex or intimacy at all. I certainly don't mention it as I feel it would be seen as another "typical man" thing. I'm always warm and friendly, absolutely nothing that can be construed as vaguely sex related. My OLD profile is all about trust, warmth, respect etc. The whole thing is a mystery to me.
Mammaoftwo08 · 09/04/2022 21:35

@MummaL32 yes I've tried discussing it but he just says we haven't got a problem then just says it's normal and all couples go through these things. Which isn't really helpful

Original poster
MummaL32 · 09/04/2022 23:50

@Mammaoftwo08
Yep that reply sounds really familiar to me too,

I actually got to breaking point over this felt so unwanted and couldn't bare it

I felt so unwanted and far away from him
Even tho we are in the same bed every night
I don't know if it was the crying / screaming or the fact I ended up saying I can't live in a sexless marriage but a page had turned somewhere

Have you told him how it makes you feel rather then the lack of it x

OP posts:

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