What makes people more sexual than others!

[SummerDaysss]

Just as the title says….
I have a group of friends 30’s to early 40’s, many of them seem to be uninterested in sex, most admit to rarely having sex with their husbands, or doing it out of duty.
I still very much enjoy sex and always have, I don’t admit to this because I feel like the odd one out.

I like the @Estherpologist's list of things innate to a person but also @Hrpuffnstuff1's point about connection between people. Both make up sexuality. I also read something recently about innate and responsive desire. The former concerns the amount of desire a person will have anyway. The latter is their ability to respond, ie, if someone tries to turn them on. Predictably, men on average have a much higher amount of innate sexuality. It's probably genetic as well as socialised.

I do believe there is a desire to say that women have as much innate desire as men, and it's just that society shames this out of women. No doubt that is true to a degree. But speaking as a man who spent a long time trying to suppress his own sex drive I can attest to how impossible that was and as I get older I'm more convinced that some women are right to accept that sex for them is just not all that and this is OK, ie, that is in fact their natural way of being. This could include @SummerDaysss's friends.

I personally think far too many people focus on the act of sex, the mechanics, rather than the connection

But sex is an act. The connection is just what makes it good sex rather than just sex.

The importance of connection, as I see it, is that it leads to more sex, and if you feel disconnected from your partner it leads to less, ie, beansonpizza's situation.

As an aside, but it is illustrative of the Mumsnet attitude, this board is regarded as full of pervs and trolls. Whereas I find that it's generally nicer, and interlopers from other parts of MN are more of a problem.

@Catullus5

I personally think far too many people focus on the act of sex, the mechanics, rather than the connection

But sex is an act. The connection is just what makes it good sex rather than just sex.

The importance of connection, as I see it, is that it leads to more sex, and if you feel disconnected from your partner it leads to less, ie, beansonpizza's situation.

As an aside, but it is illustrative of the Mumsnet attitude, this board is regarded as full of pervs and trolls. Whereas I find that it's generally nicer, and interlopers from other parts of MN are more of a problem.

Good point re "pervs and trolls". There's no doubt there is an element of that but I think the general opinion of most MN'ers is that sex isn't important and only "pervs" want to discuss the subject. Which sums up a lot of relationships in my opinion, which is why it should be discussed surely!

After my 25 years of life and some incompatible partners I've learnt the two most important things to a good sex life and it's very simple ...

1. SELF CONFIDENCE
2. A partner who is open and unguarded and understands that your pleasure is just as important !!!!!!

With the wrong partners and the wrong self-doubting insecure mindset and low self esteem, I was very "low libido" ..No wonder!

Now I'm grinning ear to ear most of the time iyswim