I just don't really 'get' sex...

[jackieh1987]

That's it.
Never have I understood all of the fuss.
First time was with a boyfriend, he was lovely, and attentive.
Never had a really bad experience, had a few indifferent or awkward one-nighters, slept with a fair few people.
Just...I can easily never have sex or masturbate.
Orgasms are just a thing that happens at the end of a thing.

I have no emotional connection to sex, it is just so dull.
I have experimented with a couple of women when I was younger, and exactly the same.

None of my closest friends really understand, but |I can't be the only one can I?

You have no emotional connection to it, but do you have a physical connection to it ? Like you would feel eating a nice meal or doing anything physical that gets your endorphins going ? Or do you simply not enjoy it at all ? For me , it's the closeness, the touch , the journey and it's far more emotional than physical.

Could it be that you are asexual or have a really low sex drive? One of my friends doesn't really like sex and says she's never really fancied anyone that much, sex is just something she does because it's expected. Sex for me is about feeling connected to my husband and sexual release but I need the release of orgasm either through sex or masturbation as a basic need, just like needing to eat and sleep.

If I could get away with never having sex again I would. Its not painful or uncomfortable …I just don’t want to do it. I have zero interest and would rather not bother. I dread it ( I’m married). It’s not a medical thing…I just don’t ‘get it’ either.

Well, there's nothing 'wrong' with you if you just don't get sex - it's just you being you, and that's fine.

It is unusual though to not be bothered at all about sex; after all, none of us would be here if it were not for someone's desire for sex. It is programmed into most of us to like the physical and/or emotional parts of a good sexual relationship.

I am now in my mid-sixties and, while the frequency of feeling horny is not what it used to be, I still have my moments. I cannot see sex not being a part of my life unless I am totally physically incapable of it.

I think that you just need to accept that me being me is normal (for me), and you being you is also OK. If sex doesn't float your boat, then you need to find something else that does.

@Claragirl
It is why I stopped dating, I love a good meal, cinema, walk etc, but I have a few male friends for that.
The sex? I don't dread it, I just would really rather not...

@MrsGHarrison87 and @Cougarr
I can feel emotions - I just never feel that sex is all that.
I wonder if being a late starter (17) has something to do with it.
By 15 I had already done MDMA which is infinitely better than an orgasm turned out to be!
I don't enjoy being tactile or close to people.

@xpc316e
Exactly. I don't feel 'not normal', I was just interested if anyone else felt like this.

Everyone is built differently and if they are not bothered by the Idea of it and/or are not tactile then you can't force yourself to be. I do think that people should be honest about it before embarking on a long term relationship - I get sometimes that it's something that might not be the case at the start of a relationship but I'd say that honesty should still be there and the other person equally should have their feelings respected if that is a red line for them. I've seen people say that it's selfish of a person in a long term relationship to split over a lack of sex but to me that's showing a lack of understanding of the person's feelings just as much as it would be to expect the person who doesn't want sex to carry on having it.

asexual?

Have a look at the AVEN web site OP. It may have some answers to your questions.

Not sure about asexual, it seems a bit specific.
It just seems that everything I 'feel' is just something I have learned.

I don't think what the OP describes needs a label. Labels are restricting anyway.

I can think of people I've known who are like her. Also plenty on this website. But it's not a very fashionable way to be right now.

17 isn't a late starter for having sex. I was 10 years older than that, really felt like I missed out but had lots of hang ups due to my strict parents.

Society drives us towards norms and labels, but we all should just do what's right for us. If it's something that concerns you, speak with a sex therapist who will probably have ways to help you unlock a new way of thinking of or approaching the subject. If it's just not for you then that's ok.

As a couple we are probably the same. We’ve had sex once in 3 years, and nothing for the past year.
If asked do we miss it, it’s probably not really. Feels like our relationship is better without it

I got married when I was 25 and frankly sex was never important but we must have done it a few times because we had two children.
We divorced and I had a few flings and sex was ok but nothing special and then I went on a second date with one person. We were both 55 so not young. She stayed the night with me and bells rang, we both discovered how good sex is with the right person. Twenty years later we are married and still say how meeting each other transformed our lives.