Staying safe without condoms- how ?

[Cougarr]

How can this be achieved ? Am I missing something ?

From what I understand , men can routinely check for gonorrhoea and chlamydia but how do you make sure they haven't got HPV if there is no testing for HPV ( and no cure either , so you won't know if they have it, they have no way of knowing for sure ; and if you get it you cannot cure it ) also , herpes isn't tested for in males unless they have an outbreak as far as I know ; and some men are never symptomatic but carry it so that's another one they can give you without knowing .

Can you stay safe , without condoms, presuming you are both in an exclusive relationship ? I assumed both parties would test exhaustively but didn't realise there was no testing for HPV/ HSV in males but happy to be corrected .

Asking about oral and vagina sex ( PIV) with one partner who is prepared to test and remain exclusive.

Most people who have sex get HPV at some point. It can go away on its own without any ill effects. As for other STIs, just test when you meet a new partner and if you trust them you're safe in the knowledge you won't have catch anything.

• caught

@MrsGHarrison87 i don't understand the whole 'most people have HPV' thing - doesn't it cause warts and , worse, cancer?? How do they know most people have it if it isn't even tested ? We can both test but again he could give me either HPV or HSV as they dont test for it .

My potential partner has had many many partners in the past , (but has used condoms unless he was in a relationship) which makes me more wary . Could stick with condoms but I hate them and giving oral sex with them would not be fun

I had it years ago after it was picked up from abnormal cells from a smear test. Never had warts and the last few smear tests I've had were negative for HPV so I don't have it anymore.

HSV can be tested via blood but it has to be requested specifically and probably not via nhs tests unless there are symptoms. It's not just males that are not tested for HSV it's not part of routine testing for either sex if no symptoms are evident.
I'd get a private test and specify all the tests you want done if you want to be sure.

There are many strains of HPV, most aren’t harmful. Only two strains carry the cancer risk, and even those contracting those strains won’t necessarily develop cancer. That’s how most people contract it and do not go on to develop cancer.

I would always use condoms with a casual partner, even if they insisted they’d remain exclusive. In a long-term relationship, where we’d both been tested and I was on contraception, I would not use condoms.

@SparklingStars10

I would always use condoms with a casual partner, even if they insisted they’d remain exclusive. In a long-term relationship, where we’d both been tested and I was on contraception, I would not use condoms.

What about during oral ? This is the bit I'm struggling with . do you just not give oral in that situation ?

Condoms or not, you can never eliminate risk, but you can reduce. Condoms don't protect well against hpv anyway as skin contact is enough. HPV has been tested for all smears in the UK from around 2019, so in the future there will be more evidence of its prevelance, but it is assumed that most sexually active people will get it at some point. Yes it can cause cancer, but that is rare and mostly immune systems get rid of it after a couple of years. Even if it does cause altered cells, as long as a woman has regular smears, this will be picked up on in early stages ( can take 10years, its a slow development). Treatment is simple and effective for altered cells. Being monogamous reduces risk, but you can't eliminate it, you can virtually eliminate any chance of dying from anything you might pick up though, so it's not all doom and gloom.
Actually, I find the most abhorrent aspect of cheating, is the willingness to expose a partner to potential STI's. That's what I'd be most annoyed at and find unforgivable, thus turning any cheater into someone I would never want to have sex with again anyway.