Your top tips please!

[builtonwardrobe]

DP is very conservative when it comes to sex. Foreplay (a bit, mainly fingering) then missionary. He loses his erection readily if things get changed up too much, which has taught me not to do too much. If I hop on top, or go down on him, he loses it. This makes him and me feel awful so I no longer do anything.

I've decided I need to change this. I'm going to carry on, and ignore his 'condition'. He'll either get hard again or he won't but I need to try to break the cycle.

The problem is - I've lost my confidence and I'm not sure how any more. I'm looking for basic tips. Imagine I'm just starting out (despite being 51!). Been together 4 years and it's not physical (he's been checked), it's psychological (plus age related I expect). I don't know what I'm looking for really. Tips and encouragement I think

Why the heck would someone want to watch us take a piss?????? Is that really most men?

Go tantric. Men of a certain age cannot be expected to be erect all the time. But they should be erect at the right time!!

My fellow loves to watch me pee when out for a country walk so guess some do .

I don’t think most men like to watch women pee.

Can you focus on oral sex to make each other orgasm and then work on the penetration part. Otherwise it seems you have to forgo your orgasm in order for him to cum. That will get somewhat frustrating for you.

Thanks for the replies. Pretty sure he's not interested in me seeing but it's a good suggestion!

The chemistry between us is pretty good, so I like the idea of flashing him etc. Lingerie made him lose his erection due to the pressure/expectation.

Re oral sex - he doesn't do it to me, and loses his erection if I do it to him. Pretty humiliating. But I miss it, so maybe I should carry on anyway? It seems a bit pointless. Will he still be enjoying it? It makes him feel inadequate so he's not able to enjoy it I think. He does always make sure I cum by the way, either with his fingers or a toy.

Try some over the counter / postal viagra, might give him a physical boost to keep a better erection for longer and you the confidence to do more if you know he will stay erect

Would he consider Viagra or Cialis/Tadalafil? He could speak to the GP to ask for it but it's also available online/via the chemist. It might be worth trying as I imagine the more times he struggles to get an erection, the more chances he has of it happening again. It is very seldom due to not finding the partner attractive etc. I do think that Chatton him about it might help to reassure you both, otherwise it's easy to answer know what the other is thinking & we could be wrong.
The ED might have a medical cause (eg, diabetes) so a GP visit might be useful. I hope things improve for you both.

Jeez....predicted text

It seems the erectile dysfunction is more serious than is likely to be improved/cured by tricks and tips that we offer here.
I hope you can improve your love life and become more satisfied by your man.

@MagicDragonsPuff
You seem shocked. Have you read the Thread on Anal it was active recently.
No Way would I let anybody do that to me!!
We each have our favourites. What are yours and your redlines?

From a man's POV I would say he may have relatively low confidence when it comes to sex.

I would say talking and teasing based on his likes and yours might be some positive first steps then go from there.

I get you want more exciting sex in your life and tbh your DH might feel the same but unless you increase your two way communication and expect to explore things gradually you might end up opening the bedside drawer more and investing in plenty of batteries.

Good luck!

@MagicDragonsPuff

Why the heck would someone want to watch us take a piss?????? Is that really most men?

😂

Do they??

@Rieslinger yes he is definitely lacking confidence. Thank you for the make POV. Any more advice? I don't want to make it worse for him!

Male*

You both really must stop thinking of his loosing his erection as humiliating. Think of an erection like eyesight. Some people are born with perfect vision and keep it their entire long life. Some people always struggle. Most notice some decline as they move through their middle years. For many men erections become slower to arrive and quicker to depart as they move through middle age. Eventually it can become an issue. Do try viagra (or a genuine alternative), it really helps for many.

I’m surprised pee fetishes came up as it’s a bit niche, but watching isn’t an unusual turn-on in men. Maybe go more mainstream. You could get a vibrator for couple play? Some men find the idea intimidating but if it’s reserved for together time it shouldn’t be. After all it is a sensation no human can provide. Mutual masturbation could be fun, maybe sit opposite each other and watch? Or there is an entertaining board game called Monogamy that very well might suit you. You could try watching porn together. That can be difficult as most is utterly horrid, but there are a few tasteful options. Nine Songs was an art house feature-length film from some years back in which the characters had a lot of unsimulated sex (I recently spotted a copy at a charity shop!). Schnick Schnack Schnuck is more obscure but recent, watchable and amusing while highly pornographic too. Or try a searching on Pornhub for “Tantric” or “Sensual”.

Lastly, there are apps aimed at intimate communicating for couples. I think “Spicer” was the one I’d heard of, but there might be others.

It's all about trust and communication, some say the key sex organ for women is their mind and from my experience it's the same for men too(well this one anyway!).

If he feels that you are both on this journey and he feels that he matters too in the bedroom then you may have a truer path that may well take you somewhere unexpected and fun.

I'm not saying it should be all about your DP btw it's a partnership.

Good luck

I would keep sucking and slurping for oral even if he loses his election look him straight in his eyes as seductive as possible lick your lips and tell him you want to keep on sucking. He may 'bounce ' back up its difficult because he may be uncomfortable by being ashamed or whatever but if ge realises you don't care he may relax or you could let him watch you pee ?

I think the pee one gas to be squirting surely ?

When you start having sex, what gets him hard in the first place? Could you integrate more of that into sex?

What would you like out of sex? Has he said why he's not into giving oral? Has he said that he feels humiliated by receiving oral? Could the setup change that?

I'm massively, massively into dirty talk but I know from long and sad experience that quite a few men aren't. I particularly like talking about sex that segues into dirty talk during sex. Would he go for that? What about sexting? No pressure, no expectations, just filth!

You both really must stop thinking of his loosing his erection as humiliating. Think of an erection like eyesight. Some people are born with perfect vision and keep it their entire long life. Some people always struggle. Most notice some decline as they move through their middle years. For many men erections become slower to arrive and quicker to depart as they move through middle age. Eventually it can become an issue. Do try viagra (or a genuine alternative), it really helps for many.

Great analogy, as a younger man, I didn’t need glasses to read, but in middle age I do now.
I suspect that soon I might need something with Sildenafil in it to help with blood flow

Sildenafil acts by blocking phosphodiesterase 5 (PDE5), an enzyme that promotes breakdown of cGMP, which regulates blood flow in the penis. It requires sexual arousal, however, to work.

So this is an area that has been a bit of a nuisance for me over the last few months. As a bloke its quite frightening as it is pretty hard to enjoy sex when the old chap is looking like the last chicken in the shop!
Things that impact on my ability to maintain an erection include level of sensation, sometimes with DW on top the internal tension disappears.
Is it better in the morning/daytime OP? I find the later it is the more unreliable the erection. Mine will return after a bit and I'm trying to not get put off by the break in the rhythm of things as that increases stress and worry about it.

The other thing is alcohol intake, I find that this seriously inhibits my ability to maintain an erection.
Do you talk about it or is it an elephant in the room? my experience is that the more relaxed you can be about it the easier it is to manage, from what you say he sounds attentive to your needs which suggests he is able to think positively around the issue.
hope it improves for you both.