No pleasure when I orgasm

[username2139383]

Female, early thirties .

I’m too mortified to ask anyone in r/l for ages .

I get little or no pleasure when I come .

I’m not sexually active with another person but when I orgasm via masturbation, I get nothing - just get the release/muscle spasm but it doesn’t feel good .

I’m a bit scared of sex if that makes sense, upbringing and bad experiences .

I’ve tried using a vibrator but found that too intense and again, very limited ‘niceness’ - it was too fast and then it was almost painful so had to stop .

I’m not sure if it’s something I’m doing or not doing . I’m a bit wary of asking - but I’d love to be able to actually enjoy myself iyswim !!

I feel the same re some toys. Too intense and focus on muscle spasm. Wondering if it's gentler with a man. It's been a while.

My orgasms are better the longer they take, and generally better when my bf does the honours.

Try just taking a very long time? If the toy is too intense, take it away from the exact spot, or use it over clothes. Stop and start a lot. A really complicated fantasy helps me take longer too.

I get the occasional orgasm like this, either over quickly or it's mild in comparison to other orgasms. I find I have better orgasms if I hold off, keep removing the vibrator off the clit as it starts to become too intense and let it build up slowly. I always orgasm more intense if I'm more turned on to begin with, so fantasise, look at pics, videos, whatever it is you use.

I wonder if you are stopping too soon as the climax kicks in? Try to continue longer.

Give a smaller multi-speed vibey (perhaps Durex Bullet) a whirl and don’t go in with so much oomph. Some of the others are too powerful.

That makes sense re stopping too soon . When I get to the point of coming it’s almost painful/too sensitive to keep going . Maybe going over clothes and going more slowly then . I tend to rush and hold myself very tight (to point of cramp) so maybe slowing down and trying to relax into it .

My vibrator’s a fairly old Ann summers thing (moregasm ears) but to be honest it doesn’t do a great deal for me - maybe time to go shopping, see if I can find something a bit more gentle !

This sounds more psychological to me. It's almost like your body is subconsciously rejecting pleasure this way. I have had orgasms like this when I'm worked up or upset, so I think I know the kind you mean. Not nice.

How significant do you think these "bad experiences" were? I think that needs unravelling.