Initiating sex - long term relationship

[Pisces89]

Generally interested for those in a long term relationship? Usually with us I lay on my side to sleep facing away from him... once or twice a week DP will move close to me and rub his bits on my backside to let me know he's 'ready'

Romantic right? What about everyone else? Just curious

My exDH used to do this and in the last few years we were married did not try to initiate sex any other way. I absolutely hated it and never took him up on the "invitation". To me it was tantamount to him saying "my physical needs are all that matters". However I had the ick for him pretty badly by then, other people may have less of a reaction if they are still into their partner.

I usually initiate by getting naked! I normally wear pajamas so if I get into bed naked then my DH knows it's on. Or when we're snuggling on the sofa / having a cuddle in bed I would just start kissing him and it would go from there.

I would like it if he initiated more though - something to talk to him about.

With us it usually progress from us cuddling and kissing in bed. Usually I will lie in his arms with no top on, him stroking my back then he will start touching my boobs and it goes from there.

Thanks all. Some ideas for us... we'll start on the sofa and see how it progresses will have to peel his attention away from the footie!

I could have written this. With kids around the house there isn't much sofa opportunity. But with the "bits" in the back...yes I get that too. so romantic

@sampan and a yes from us is a simple roll over on our back or a pull down of the knickers to 'get on with it' 😂🤦🏻‍♀️ usually when he keeps prodding and there is no reaction he'll give up ...

I would suggest in long term relationships that if you have the time and space in terms of privacy (maybe not easy, if you have children about?) that you try to avoid sex becoming “something you sometimes do” when you go to bed at night. It can become almost robotic. Passion can be lost. Quality sex needs passion.

Instead try and make time during the day on days off or early evening. That way you avoid one bit of a body almost gliding into another with lack of focus.

I think it’s quite difficult to keep sex going in a LTR, once you are over the. Honeymoon period, as life gets n the way, daily becomes weekly becomes monthly and before you know it, six months has passed and neither person wants to be the one to try 1st

i usually send flirty txts during the day to build up the tension.maybe suggest something to wear underneath clothes for dinner.subtle touching ..

One of us just says ‘fancy a shag?’ My God, when I say yes, DH is naked in about 2 seconds!!

Sex here has def become a ‘needs met’ thing sadly. Don’t even get a hard on being pushed into my back anymore!

Been together 13 years, there’s no passion. If I try to be spontaneous with a sexy outfit DH feels pressured and can’t get/ keep hard.
He never initiates it, it sometimes will happen spontaneously in the middle of the night which is good but I don’t always want to have my nights broken just to get some sex. He’s said before by the time we get to bed he’s too tired to move (yet he’ll watch programmes on his iPad for 2 hours )

Sex downstairs is a no-go because of dog / kids coming down. We both WFH so you’d think we could do it anytime during the day but the times I’ve hinted at it he doesn’t take it up and claims he’s too ‘busy’

Sorry this has become a bit of an outlet for me to offload, I’m only 31 but just feel he just can’t be bothered to make the effort, like the novelty is completely gone.
I just ‘sort myself’ out mostly these days.

@MintyFreshBreath

One of us just says ‘fancy a shag?’ My God, when I say yes, DH is naked in about 2 seconds!!

I'm afraid this is rather common once you start cohabiting together and the honeymoon period has worn off. And the domestic drudgery wears you down. The best sex I've ever had was with a man who I was in a 'situanship' with; we mainly saw each other at the weekends and during the week we would build up the anticipation via texting, pics. This went on for almost two years and I remember the sex vividly. It was incredible. I'm now in a relationship with someone else, it's more secure, stable and loving; we don't live together and I'd like to keep it that way as I'm terrified living together would spiral into the domestic drudgery I've experienced in previous relationships killing libido slowly, plus I like my independence.

@desperatehousewife21

Sex here has def become a ‘needs met’ thing sadly. Don’t even get a hard on being pushed into my back anymore!

Been together 13 years, there’s no passion. If I try to be spontaneous with a sexy outfit DH feels pressured and can’t get/ keep hard.
He never initiates it, it sometimes will happen spontaneously in the middle of the night which is good but I don’t always want to have my nights broken just to get some sex. He’s said before by the time we get to bed he’s too tired to move (yet he’ll watch programmes on his iPad for 2 hours )

Sex downstairs is a no-go because of dog / kids coming down. We both WFH so you’d think we could do it anytime during the day but the times I’ve hinted at it he doesn’t take it up and claims he’s too ‘busy’

Sorry this has become a bit of an outlet for me to offload, I’m only 31 but just feel he just can’t be bothered to make the effort, like the novelty is completely gone.
I just ‘sort myself’ out mostly these days.

You're only 31!!! Get out, get out, get out! I was reading this thinking you were mid-fifties...