How many (middle aged) dates?

[Estherpologist]

What is a normal number of dates before having sex for middle aged divorcees?

There is no such thing as normal when it comes to sex. Go with what feels right to you both. Why does it matter what anyone else thinks?

Amazing sexual chemistry = in the car park :)

I don't think there's any different rules for middle aged divorcees as there would be for anyone else of any age!

@Mysticguru

Amazing sexual chemistry = in the car park :)

This.

He had a camper van and we got really carried away on our first date. He then came back to mine for the night. Amazing fun.

Wow! I was thinking maybe 4 dates would fit between slut and frigid. I guess I was wrong. 😀

If it feels right - there is no wrong or right!

(46 y/o single divorcee)

I agree with the posts above but as a contrast, I held off until date 6 with my new BF. It was a big step for me post- divorce and I wasn't comfortable DTD until we both knew we wanted the relationship to be exclusive.

Nothing to do with sex drive or being a "slut" or "frigid" though 🤔, it's about how comfortable you feel with the other person and taking that step in your relationship. That is a very personal decision and you should feel confident in whatever decision you make. If the other person is a good person they will respect that.

@Minecraft8888 FWIW my slut/frigid comment was meant as humour. Something I frequently forget doesn't work on the Internet.

It's a serious question for me. I haven't dated for 20 years, and have endured a sexless marriage for about half of that. So I know I'm going to have conflicting emotions if I actually start dating again. I know it's all about what feels right, and I'm enough of a grown up to judge that myself, I'm just interested to know what is statistically average in a world of OLD profiles.

I agree it's weird dating again after 25 years of being with the same person. The rules have changed so much since I last did this in the 90s.

My first time after my ex, I just wanted to crack on. I love sex. So we had 2 dates before I went to his house on the third.

My sister told me is cry the first time I DTD with something new. I really didn't! I reveled in feeling desired again. But be warned that you may.

The car park guy was the 3rd I saw after ex. By that point I was absolutely loving my new life. He was great, I felt safe, we'd chatted lots prior to meeting. We initially just sat in his van to chat more after the restaurant kicked us out. Things happened.

Ended up in a fwb arrangement with him for about 6 months. Amazing sex! I ended things with him last summer as I'm now with a guy who is much more on my wavelength and there's definitely long term in both our minds. The sex isn't anywhere near as good though ☹️

Separated just before turning 38 and now 41 & divorced. Anywhere between first and about sixth date has been my experience. Usually around the third date.

Only exception being current partner as she doesn't have previous experience of a intimate relationship. About 10 dates with her but not quite there yet although we have tried on latest date. She's also in 40s

@Jumpking
My sister told me is cry the first time I DTD with something new.
After so long, I can see this being possible. And it worry's me that I won't even want to DTD. Because I DO want to. I REALLY FUCKING WANT TO! ATM I don't even know if I could kiss someone, or feel emotionally comfrotable with them enough to want to shag them.

Then again, even typing the word "shag" seems to almost make me smile. So maybe that's a good sign.

Just go with your intuition. If you've got the fanny gallops, then gallop :)

I would say just do it when it feels right for you & him. Try not to judge yourself or the situation by thinking is this too early or am I waiting too long - don't overthink it. I do think dating & sex has changed over the last decade or two. Women aren't & should never be judged because they want & enjoy sex and if that happens on the first date, then great. Enjoy your new found freedom and if it feels right, do it and enjoy every flipping minute!

The simple fact that typing the word shag makes you smile, means you should go and enjoy it 😁

@Mysticguru If you've got the fanny gallops, then gallop
Fanny gallops? 😂😂😂😂😂😂 This may be my new favorite phrase?
@Whatliesbeneath707 The simple fact that typing the word shag makes you smile, means you should go and enjoy it
😁😁😁😁😁😁

When your clitty tells you it’s time. It can be the first date.

Estherpologist
Just need to get back on the horse !
And you will know what’s right
I had sex on first date
And then second date with next fellow
And once you get back into the swing you’ll know

The nice thing at our age is there are no rules

Estherpologist
Why not go casual ? I’m 48 and get a lot of younger men who want to try an older
Woman ?
Sexy photo , change profile to ‘fun’ and crack on

If you want sex it’s not that hard to get it

3.2

I really appreciate your questioning Esterpologist… it resonated with me. No easy answer but trust yourself to know that’s right.
My situation…. After my partner died, I was really heartbroken, lonely and desperately sad. I longed to be held, hugged and kissed and to be loved. Due to illness the last years of our marriage were sexless, but equally I was exhausted looking after two children and my dying partner.
It took me a long time to get to a place to be ready to be with someone new. My heart had been well and truly broken but I knew I was still recovering and emotionally vulnerable. I felt desperate at times and felt that I could’nt trust my institution and/or feelings but I KNEW I had to take care of my heart.
I dated a few people before wanting to get to know one person more intimately…. but it was about 8th date before we slept together - naked with touching kissing and caressing but no sex. I needed to take it slow to manage my mind and feelings. Trust yourself and be open but most importantly remain in control. Sex followed and it was fabulous but I needed small steps … for my own well-being. I’m glad I did.
After this relationship (8 months) more dating (after a 1 year gap to emotionally process what happened and to understand what went wrong) before a 2nd relationship. This was fun-filled mostly because I was in a much better place emotionally and because we were both in the same with regards to what we were looking for.
Sorry for the long reply but I heard that you were struggling with this. Your frigid/slut comment prompted me to reply…. as this indicated that a judgement by others was a slight concern/consideration (albeit humorous) but fundamentally it really is all about YOU.
Be gentle on yourself and be patient…. I’m sure you will get there and I’m sure you will enjoy yourself….. and as others have pointed out I’m sure you will revel in a new sexually confident self in months to come…. with a smile on your face
(please DM if you want to chat further)