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Fetlife after split

2 replies

princeismagic · 22/02/2022 04:42

This is probably more for the relationships board, or even AIBU, but I figured people here might be a bit more understanding of the issue.

My partner of 5 years broke up with me last month. I'm very upset but getting on with things. We're talking a little as there are some practical things we need to sort out and generally being sensitive to each other.

We've played around on the kink scene a bit and have linked profiles on Fetlife, but are not very active on there at all. I had a notification of a message on there tonight (like I say I'm not active on there, but occasionally get messages from random guys), so logged in to read it. In my activity feed I can see my ex has in the last day took me off his profile as his partner (ok, that hurts, but fair enough I guess) and is going to be attending a couple of events in the next month (ditto). However, he's still using a photo of us as a couple as his profile picture (with our faces blanked out) and all of his photos (6 of them) are still pictures of things we did together (photos of him, I'm not in them, but it's my rope work etc). The captions on those photos have also been changed, so whereas before it was 'tied up by my goddess' etc, now it's just 'tied up' and so on.

I'm hurt by him not telling me he's taken me off his profile when he knows I'm going to see that at some point. But what has really, really hurt and upset me is the juxtaposition of that with keeping up these photos of what were intimate, special and trust filled moments between us. By leaving them there he's basically now utilising those pictures as tools to draw in new partners. I've messaged him asking him to not do that and to take those photos down, explaining that I find it really upsetting and disrespectful. This was a 2am moment, so I've not heard back from him yet.

I guess I'm just after some perspective as I know I'm coming from a place of hurt right now. There is one photo of us together (the profile picture) which I think I'm well within my rights to say get rid. The other photos are photos of him that I took, so not showing me in any way, but they feel so personal as they capture such a special part of our relationship and I hate them being used to attract attention now that he's single. I don't know if I'm being over sensitive about that though.

OP posts:
PinotPony · 22/02/2022 08:34

Sorry to hear that you're going through this. Break ups suck.

I don't think you're being overly sensitive. Even though the photos are of him being tied, it's your rope work. It's personal to you, it had / has an emotional meaning to you. It's pretty shitty of him to just remove the reference to you and use the images to market himself as a newly available rope bottom.

Do you think he'll remove them? If not, I think you might be able to report the images to Fetlife and they might take them down..?

littleburn · 22/02/2022 10:57

Oh thank you for taking the time to reply x
I'm not sure what he'll do to be honest. He has a very passive aggressive side to him and I think this is coming out a lot now. I imagine I could get fetlife to remove the photo with me in, but the others are of him, so they're not violating my privacy in any way so I'm probably dependent on him doing the decent thing.

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