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New guy concerns. Fire play/play

13 replies

AssignedBlobbyAtBirth · 21/02/2022 23:56

I wasn't sure if this belong in relationships or here
Met a new guy after being in a very long relationship then single for several years
All seemed good. He talks a lot about trust which worried me a little. He has now told me he loves play and fire play
I had to Google fire play and it is making me think BDSM. Any thoughts? I'm not sure we are compatible if that's not what I am into

OP posts:
PerditaPerdita · 22/02/2022 00:12

Sounds alarming. Personally I'd run a mile!!
The talk of 'trust' is a red flag ... he's grooming you. 😯

IfIHadAHeart · 22/02/2022 00:14

Fire play? What on Earth is it?

AssignedBlobbyAtBirth · 22/02/2022 00:18

The trust talk worried me
I thought I must be the only one who hadn't heard of it. It's putting flammable liquid on the skin and lighting it. It doesn't should that sexual to me

OP posts:
IfIHadAHeart · 22/02/2022 00:30

Sounds like a guaranteed trip to A&E to me, brings new meaning to the phrase “playing with fire” I suppose. Does he want to do it to you or you to him? Not that it would matter, would be a no from me 😂

PerditaPerdita · 22/02/2022 01:03

@AssignedBlobbyAtBirth

The trust talk worried me I thought I must be the only one who hadn't heard of it. It's putting flammable liquid on the skin and lighting it. It doesn't should that sexual to me
Omg.

Are you really seriously considering it? In which case you're already groomed 🤦‍♀️

AssignedBlobbyAtBirth · 22/02/2022 05:01

No. I'm not considering it at all. Not a chance
Tbf he hasn't asked me. Just said it was something he loves

OP posts:
PinotPony · 22/02/2022 08:23

Yes, fire play is a form of BDSM. I've never done it but I guess it's akin to wax play which I quite enjoy. You don't actually burn the skin but the wax (or fire) creates a warm tingly sensation. It shouldn't be painful, although the skin may be irritated afterwards.

I think many people assume that people who engage in this kind of stuff are abusive and controlling. Yes, there's some dicks out there who watched Fifty Shades and have no clue what they're doing but most people in the BDSM community have a proper understanding of "Risk Aware Consensual Kink". Both parties need to give informed consent having discussed it at length and fully understood the risks.

The fact that your guy is talking to you about trust is the opposite of a red flag for me. It shows that he understands that you're certainly not going to blindly follow his lead without really trusting him. You'd quite literally be putting your life in his hands. And I note that he hasn't actually asked you to do it, just said it's something he likes...

If the idea doesn't float your boat, then just say so. Your body. Your choice. His reaction will tell you all you need to know. If he tries to push you to do something you've declined, walk away.

If you wanted to find out more about it, then you absolutely need to do your own homework. This looks like an informative article... freethoughtblogs.com/atg/2016/05/10/fun-things-to-try-in-kink-fire-play/

If it were me, I'd be asking a million questions about his experience to make sure he knew what he was doing. I'd also want to go and watch someone else do it first so I could see firsthand what was involved. I'd insist on having a third person, a spotter, present.

Tread carefully and keep yourself safe.

Rocaille · 24/02/2022 23:41

You'd quite literally be putting your life in his hands.

It's not worth putting your one precious life at risk, least of all for some creepy fetishist. I'd be looking to dump him, pronto.

Maze76 · 25/02/2022 00:42

With the amount of chemicals in my hair.. not a chance!

rwalker · 25/02/2022 07:31

I think many of us are "into things" we watch but that where it stays watching it.

As with anything there is absolutely zero issue with him asking if anything it's good they are that open .
But if it's not for you it's how they respond when you say no .

Lady0racle · 26/02/2022 21:57

I dabble in BSDM but wouldn’t touch fire play with a barge pole. There is no way to do it safely and this risk or injury and permanent scarring very real.

If he wants someone into that then he needs to source his dates on fetlife.

There are plenty of guys out there who aren’t turned on by stuff that could hurt you. Find one of those instead and give this guy a hard pass.

saleorbouy · 27/02/2022 07:41

Brings a whole new meaning to the word "Bush fire!" Grin

xpc316e · 27/02/2022 09:16

PinotPony is, as usual, right on the money with her calm, sensible advice.

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