Asking for help masturbating

[NeilP1975]

My wife and I don't have sex as much as we used to. However, she is probably the one who initiates anything sexual far more than I do. I masturbate usually every day. But rather than wait until she's out, or sneak one in when's she's busy, in now thinking that maybe I should be more open about it. She's brought up the fact that she's aware I do it.
Does anyone else here have experience of this?

So you rarely initiate sex and she initiates sex most of the time but you masturbate every day and you want her to help you masturbate? What about her pleasure? Why don’t you want to have sex with your DW? Poor woman.

This would be a massive turn-off in any relationship for me.

Mb every day is healthy amd fine if in addition to a good sexual relationship .
In isolation though it's purely selfish . Seems to me your only interested in you and your own self pleasure.

I don't think it's selfish. Everyone is entitled to touch their own body in private. It's only selfish if you're being lazy initiating sex and expecting her to be accomdating to your needs while you're not thinking about hers. I probably masturbate more than my husband does, sometimes I need that privacy, sometimes it's shared between both of us.

I do try and initiate things between us however more often than not she isn't up for it. Hey sex drive has diminished since she started going through the menopause. I'd rather she were pleasured before myself.
It's not about me being selfish. It's about not hiding and trying to be more inclusive. Even when she's not been up for don't anything, she's said that she still enjoys playing with me.
So my original question was, is this a similar situation any of you? And how do I approach it? I think I might feel a bit silly just walking up to her and saying "Can I have a wank please".

Have you tried mutual masturbation with your partner? We enjoy this time to time. Dim the lights, bit of mood music....

Does she have any other symptoms?

My DW is in her forties and suffered with night sweats, fuzzy head, joint pain, awful sleep all the usual stuff for a couple of years which really knocked her confidence to boot.

She eventually went to get her hormone levels checked and yep she's in peri-menopause, (patches are the way forward btw) then once she was in the rhythm of doing that (6 months or so) she tried Testosterone.

DW is back!!!!!

No sweats, joints waaaayy less painful, head is back to pre-peri levels, sleeps like a baby.

I would suggest if she has any other symptoms that maybe she looks to get her hormone levels checked?

Just so you know I wanted a not tired, less sore, less brain foggy, less hot sweating DW back and we got her woohoo!!

The change in libido however was the best Christmas present I have EVER had.

Since you are both adults and married it shouldn’t be an issue but I think it will be. I am in a similar situation to you with the exception that sex is so infrequent it’s non existent. It’s a long story and I don’t want to give too many details on your thread.

Some time ago I asked my wife quite openly if I could go down on her again, she hasn’t allowed that for at least 12 years. She said “yes” however since asking I still haven’t been allowed, or anything else. So fast forward to a recent morning we cuddled in bed, it was really nice to be close to her, so I asked if she wouldn’t mind if I pleasured myself. After a few moments she said she now felt worse because I had to resort to that. She then got up and went downstairs basically to leave the situation. There are many ways it could have gone but me being left alone was the way it went.

I am sure many would see it as a que to lend a hand or an initiation but some may see it as insult or a as a dig.

@NeilP1975

That wasn’t what you said in your opening post though. You said you don’t have sex as much as you did do and then went on to say she initiates anything sexual far more than you do. Your second post is different from your first post.

[quote HoneyRose87]@NeilP1975

That wasn’t what you said in your opening post though. You said you don’t have sex as much as you did do and then went on to say she initiates anything sexual far more than you do. Your second post is different from your first post.[/quote]
My thoughts too. So which is it OP?

[quote HoneyRose87]@NeilP1975

That wasn’t what you said in your opening post though. You said you don’t have sex as much as you did do and then went on to say she initiates anything sexual far more than you do. Your second post is different from your first post.[/quote]
You made an assumption about the OP, accused him of being selfish and a 'turn off' and he clarified the situation. I think that's your answer right there.

@Catullus5

😂 How was it an assumption, it was based on the information he shared. If you read both of his posts they’re two completely different situations. How is it so hard for you to understand that. Based on the information he shared on the first post, yes he is selfish and yes it would be a turn-off.

@Catullus5

Oh and if you read my initial post, I didn’t actually accuse him of being ‘selfish’, they were questions.

If this is real, grow up OP. As a pp said, your 2 posts are entirely different. I think you’re some sick cheap thrill seeker here …

[quote HoneyRose87]@Catullus5

Oh and if you read my initial post, I didn’t actually accuse him of being ‘selfish’, they were questions.[/quote]
Yeah, you posed a couple of rhetorical questions. Now you're denying the clear implication of them. I'm really not sure why as it's basically your entire point.

A more charitable explanation is that being in a LTR he has a reasonable understanding of how much sex his wife wants and that rather than ask daily (rather than just sometimes) he sorts himself out and now wonders if that's appropriate. An explanation that is entirely consistent with both posts.

I see now he's been accused of being a Herbert too. But I think it's better to give people the benefit of the doubt, and recognise there is doubt.

OP, you didn't say whether your wife minded this. If she does, my advice to you is that as long as you're not making your wife go without on a regular basis, then this is none of her business (although you will, I'm sure, phrase this a nicer way). If she doesn't mind, then I don't see what the problem is.

@Catullus5

Responses are based on the initial OP, if he had used his 2nd posts as a post opener, then my response would be different. Both posts are completely different. And yes, if a man rarely initiated anything sexual and asked me to help him masturbate, it would be selfish and a massive turn-off for me, is that ok?

[quote HoneyRose87]@Catullus5

Responses are based on the initial OP, if he had used his 2nd posts as a post opener, then my response would be different. Both posts are completely different. And yes, if a man rarely initiated anything sexual and asked me to help him masturbate, it would be selfish and a massive turn-off for me, is that ok?[/quote]
Well, we must agree to disagree I think. As for your own question, you do you.

Not sure why you’re defending the OP tbh catullus5 … he sounds like a selfish, weird arsehole 🤷🏻‍♀️

Lots of people who post here really don’t like sex in its various forms, do they?

Suspiciously American.

@Namechangehereandnow

I imagine @Catullus5 and @j712adrian are both men and were triggered by my response about the male poster being selfish and a turn-off. It seems we should accept a man who rarely initiates anything sexual, who wanks every day and wants his wife to help.
@j712adrian - It’s not about accepting various forms of sex, it was the rarely initiating anything sexual with his wife.

@Namechangehereandnow

hmmm, sounds suspiciously like sex as “the lord gives every act of love life for procreation” to me

[quote j712adrian]@Namechangehereandnow

hmmm, sounds suspiciously like sex as “the lord gives every act of love life for procreation” to me[/quote]
I literally have no clue what you’re getting at or meaning?

Back to the original question...

OP, if your wife knows that you masturbate, why do you think you need to be more transparent about it? It's certainly nothing to be secretive or ashamed about but I'm not sure there's any need to tell her or ask her permission when you want to knock one out.

You say that she still enjoys playing with you even when she's not up for doing anything. Are you suggesting you'd like her to do this more often, rather than masturbating on your own when she's not about.?

If so, then you could certainly tell her that you really enjoy that and ask if it is something she'd be open to doing more often. You could have a very honest conversation about your respective sex drives and what you'd both like.

My concern with your post, however, is whether your wife truly enjoys wanking you off. Are you sure she's not just saying that to keep you happy? I would think most women would have to be at least vaguely horny to want to play with a cock. If her sex drive has diminished to the point where she doesn't usually want intercourse or for you to make her cum, I'd be astounded if she's getting much pleasure from giving you a hand job.

I think that honest conversation about desires and wants absolutely must include her views on what she considers to be pleasurable for her.

We are at that time life where sex does not happen very often. I have a much higher sex drive then my oh and masturbate on a regular basis. I always tell her what I am doing and up to her to watch, help or join in. Often very horny in bed at night or morning wood. She is happy for me just to play and relieve the pressure. If home alone I might have a good w**k session and edge for as long as possible before exploding

My dp will just pleasure himself next to me in the night if I'm asleep . He wouldn't wake me up because of the ridiculous work life balance I currently have .
Sometime I wake up amd it's incredibly horny watching or listening for a few minutes before letting on I'm awake . Then I will either touch myself quite openly (which sends him over the edge ) or straddle him or touch his balls .
Main thing is we respect that sometimes only one of us wants a quick orgasm neither of us have to go amd hide in the loo basically .

I interpreted the op as that he wanted sex daily but he knows his wife doesn't want it anywhere near that often. So rather than try to initiate daily (which would get him accused of being a sex pest), he patiently waits for his wife to be ready. There's nothing worse for both parties than one of them trying to initiate and getting turned down.

The op is masturbating to satisfy his own needs without hassling his wife for sex.

However, I get the impression that OP's wide isn't the least bit interested in helping him masturbate. I suspect she told him she's aware because she's subtley trying to tell him to stop it. She doesn't want regular sex with him yet she's also repulsed that he masturbates.