Hate my husbands touch

[Machighlands27]

This is a long one but please bare with me!
So me and my husband have been together 10 years married 6. We have a DD who’s 5 and has a moderate LD that’s under investigation/diagnosis.

When me and hubby got together we were at it like rabbits, then when we got pregnant (planned) I noticed my libido starting to dwindle. To the point I think we had sex twice when I was pregnant.
I had a difficult and traumatic labour/birth. It took me almost 8 months to feel I could physically have sex. But mentally I don’t feel like I ever recovered.
I also only recently admitted and started to come to terms with being assaulted a few months after we got together and only told him (and so far only one other person) that it happened and haven’t felt able to go into details with anyone yet.
Since DD was born we’ve had sex less and less. Now only once every few months. I feel pressured to do it every time, even though I know he’s not doing it intentionally. His sad wee face makes me ‘grit my teeth and get on with it’.
I have a long history of mental health problems such as anxiety and depression. And am a larger person due to comfort eating and PCOS. I have always hated my body so have never felt comfortable being seen naked.
The last year or so though has been the worst. I find myself cringing when he touches me, I hate being in bed with him incase he tries anything. He now has some issues ‘rising to the occasion’ and I can’t help but feel responsible :(. He’s recently been telling me he is really depressed with the lack of intimacy and keeps buying adult toys to try and liven up the bedroom. But if I sit and think, I honestly don’t want sex anymore, with anyone. I don’t want to be touched at all. I’d happily never have sex ever again. But obviously that’s not how I’m going to keep my marriage together :( I love him so much and wouldn’t want to be with anyone else.

Any advice? Or are we just in desperate need of expensive couples therapy that we can’t afford :(

There is no easy answer but I would speak to your doctor as a first point. I'm not sure counselling except re the assault would help.

You already recognise the threat this is to your marriage. Whilst no decent bloke would just walk out, ultimately any partner is likely to at some point. You need to talk to him and explain what you have posted here. Good luck

I have tried speaking to him but sadly he just doesn’t seem to understand that someone can just simply not want sex :( I am not sure I can get counselling where I live as the mental health services are so strained and almost non existent :( but I think you’re right, I should at least ask the doctor what’s available. Thankyou x

I genuinely think you should talk to your DH and tell him the truth as the more you “grit your teeth” the more you’ll end up resenting him.

My DW hates doing certain things and I can tell. But she won’t admit it - no chance. So I have to put up with her putting all her energy in to avoiding every time ( oral btw)

I think you owe your DH a full explanation and have it all in the open.

Having a non sexual marriage isn’t always the deal breaker people think it is. But lying too him and concealing your feelings will only grow the resentment. For both of you.

Best of luck !

@BlokeTarget "Having a non sexual marriage isn’t always the deal breaker people think it is."

Sorry but nearly always it is. Not straight away but gradually there is little to discern you from being friends versus a couple who are intimate and the feelings of closeness that brings.

@BlokeTarget

I genuinely think you should talk to your DH and tell him the truth as the more you “grit your teeth” the more you’ll end up resenting him.

My DW hates doing certain things and I can tell. But she won’t admit it - no chance. So I have to put up with her putting all her energy in to avoiding every time ( oral btw)

I think you owe your DH a full explanation and have it all in the open.

Having a non sexual marriage isn’t always the deal breaker people think it is. But lying too him and concealing your feelings will only grow the resentment. For both of you.

Best of luck !

I don’t agree that a non sexual marriage isn’t a deal breaker, for me it’s a difference between lovers and friends but I realise not everyone sees things the same way as me.

That’s not a marriage imo.

Not to gloss over your difficult experiences (and counselling might help if available) but - are you on the pill? I only ask this because I learned too late that I lost almost 20 years of my sex life to low libido caused by oral contraception. I couldn't imagine wanting any touch, just as you described. Antidepressants can have some effects too.

[quote Sunflowergirl1]@BlokeTarget "Having a non sexual marriage isn’t always the deal breaker people think it is."

Sorry but nearly always it is. Not straight away but gradually there is little to discern you from being friends versus a couple who are intimate and the feelings of closeness that brings. [/quote]
I suspect I’m In that situation . And either I haven’t recognised it or am to apathetic to do anything about it now as it’s been 20 odd years

[quote Sunflowergirl1]@BlokeTarget "Having a non sexual marriage isn’t always the deal breaker people think it is."

Sorry but nearly always it is. Not straight away but gradually there is little to discern you from being friends versus a couple who are intimate and the feelings of closeness that brings. [/quote]
I totally agree with this.