Privacy violated - sexual desire killed

[hevenly123]

Years ago when my dd was about 13 she found my box of sex toys (at the time I had thought they were well hidden being stashed in a box at the back of my cupboard under other boxes). I frantically searched for them and found them in a cupboard in her room. I was so upset/ashamed/confused with what to do that I ended up throwing them away. I was always embarrassed I had them in the first place.We didn’t discuss it.The issue I have though is I found the incident so traumatic that I haven’t been able to get turned on or have an orgasm ever since (6 yrs!) I’m so desperate to get my sex drive back but nothing seems to help.

Your DD was in the wrong. You had them in a private place and she obviously went rooting for them. You're an adult, entitled to sexual pleasure. The fact you've let it affect you this much for 6 years is bizarre. Get over it.

I agree, she was in the wrong and it is bizarre how I’ve allowed it to have such an affect. But fact is is that it has! I’ve always had feelings of shame and embarrassment around sexual pleasure and I want to know how to “get over it “ or if anyone else has had a similar experience

I found my mother’s sex toy at this age. It was traumatic for me and I’ve never used a sex toy as a result! Tbf to her it’s quite normal when you’re 13 to look through your mother’s things. You will both be humiliated and confused/scarred by this. I feel for you though - I’m not sure what to suggest unfortunately just wanted to present the other side of this.

She's not really in the wrong is she. That's a bit harsh. Kids look in their parents cupboards .. not for a second did she expect this situation to occur. Neither of you are at fault.

Some sex therapy would be a good thing?

Not that odd to go rooting through parents stuff, what is unusual, is on finding it, then obviously moving it and putting it in her room. I'm sure most would carefully replace the items so nobody would be any the wiser.
You've managed to use the toys you like despite feeling shame about it, which is half way there, next would be a simple question - why did you remove my toys? Own it, there never has been anything wrong with using them, she's 13, so old enough to know what they are. The poster who claims to have been scarred by such finds - really, that just shows you have issues too, probably stemming from lack of openness in talking about sexual matters, something all parents should do with their DC, exactly to avoid hangups such as these. Don't pass your shame onto your DD, see this as an opportunity to discuss things, so she is not left with the hangups you and some others seem to have. You'll be doing her a favour in the long run if you can have a matter of fact chat about it.

Btw, now she's 19, she should be well capable of talking about it - remember when...? Then hopefully laugh about it.

It may not be an identical situation but l once inadvertently left a waterproof vibey on the bath side when some friends came to stay. We just laughed it off.

While l understand it’s a different situation with a daughter, l certainly wouldn’t let it impact on me like this. I need my regular buzz to much.

The poster who claims to have been scarred by such finds

How rude. I’m not “claiming” to be scarred. I have never owned or bought a sex toy because it really did disturb me to find it snd I think purchasing a sex toy would just remind me of my mother! My mother had very odd and overt sexual behaviour without ever discussing it with me, if that makes sense, so it’s not JUST the toy I found but certainly it adds to it.

It’s not going to be a “laugh it off” thing for your daughter. She found them and hid them years ago. It’s like she didn’t want you to use them - were you also having loud sex or something? I don’t think I would bring it up now to be honest.