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Original poster

I think he's knowingly given my herpes

22 replies

needreassurance · 21/01/2022 00:26

Hi everyone, I've stupidly had unprotected sex with my new partner of about 6 weeks. About three times. Then I find some aciclovir hidden away in his bedroom and now I've got a few dark spots down there and have had flu like symptoms all day. I was first exposed just less than two weeks ago and I found the spots today. After finding his medicine I asked him has he ever been treated for anything and he said no. Had agreed to tests including herpes that have been ordered online and arrived but he hasn't said anything. Ge hasn't done them yet. He wore a condom last couple of times at my insistence but clearly didn't want to. He is a totally amazing bloke and I'm really into him. I don't know what to do, he's lied

OP posts:

FortunesFave · 21/01/2022 04:30

Is it possible the medication belonged to a previous partner of his? Where was it hidden?

changedname1979 · 21/01/2022 05:12

I’m not 100% sure but is aciclovir not used also for stuff other than herpes?

LemonPeonies · 21/01/2022 09:36

I'm a nurse and administer Aciclovir to elderly patients for many different things, it doesn't mean he has herpes. Once you've done the tests you'll know for sure.

xpc316e · 21/01/2022 09:42

Have you actually asked him why he has Aciclovir? If not, why not? You say that you asked him 'whether he'd ever been treated for anything' - and that is not the same as asking directly 'Why do you have Aciclovir?' I cannot understand how you get to the stage of sleeping with someone, but are not happy to ask about a partner's sexual health.

A few dark spots down there does not sound like Genital Herpes to me, so you need to explore further.

Inthesameboatatmo · 21/01/2022 12:08

You need to ask him who's the medication is and what is was given for. I'm no expert but from what I've read on here you would've had a massive agonising out break by now if you had have been infected. Dark spots could be anything and flu kicked symptoms could be covid.

Inthesameboatatmo · 21/01/2022 12:08

Flu like*

Original poster

needreassurance · 21/01/2022 14:32

Well it turns out I'm positive for Covid and the clinic said blood blisters or in grown hairs....but still the aciclovir is his. Was in a washbag not particularly hidden. Was a suppressant dose i think. I don't think it's used for anything other than shingles or herpes and he hasn't got shingles. I can't bring it up with him as he will know I snooped. The test for herpes isn't very conclusive I read and what do I do if he refuses it? I feel like a bit of an idiot I've put myself at risk like this

OP posts:

PinotPony · 21/01/2022 16:54

Aciclovir is used to treat viral infections or as a prophylactic. So it can be used for chickenpox, shingles, herpes and cold sores.

I have aciclovir in my wash bag in case I get a cold sore when I'm away from home... they always appear on holiday!

I think you're jumping the gun to think he has herpes. Just ask him casually if he ever gets cold sores.

Original poster

needreassurance · 21/01/2022 17:51

You wouldn't use 400mg of aciclovir twice a day for a week for a cold sore

OP posts:

berrylands · 21/01/2022 18:57

@PinotPony
Cold sores ARE herpes

Inthesameboatatmo · 21/01/2022 19:30

Yes op you could. I've had that prescribed for a nasty cold sore that wouldn't heal. My neighbour has it prescribed for shingles all the time .
You really are adamant he's got herpes aren't you . Nothing anyone says in here will change your veow point it seems.

Lady089 · 21/01/2022 19:44

I don’t understand people who are willing to risk their sexual health whilst avoiding the very important sexual health discussion. I would also see it as a red flag if he’s not keen on wearing a condom in a very new relationship.

MissNothing1991 · 21/01/2022 20:55

I would really be considering whether or not to continue with your relationship. You clearly have a grim opinion of him, despite having unprotected sex within 6 weeks. And if I was him, I'd be highly unimpressed you were finding things 'hidden away' in my bedroom. He is entitled to privacy.

PinotPony · 21/01/2022 22:05

[quote berrylands]@PinotPony
Cold sores ARE herpes[/quote]
Yes, I'm well aware that they are both the herpes simplex virus. But the OP is suggesting that her partner must have genital herpes because he owns some aciclovir. I'm simply explaining why that might not be the case.

Dustyplumber · 22/01/2022 15:10

Herpes is only transmissible if the person has active blisters/ flare ups.
1/5 of population have latent form that will NEVER flare into an episode.

altmember · 22/01/2022 23:20

It's also not that transmissible. This research paper claims male to female transmission rate of 28.5 per 1000 sex acts : www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4725379

So (assuming he really does have it) that gives you a less than 10% chance of having contracted it so far. And you'll probably notice if you do break out in symptoms.

A blood test could indicate past infection, but wouldn't differentiate between genital or oral, or type 1 or 2. So cold sores would give a positive result too.

Eesha · 23/01/2022 10:38

I think you need to have an open conversation with him Op. If you are snooping around or he's giving you vague answers, then you aren't starting off on the same page. I had an ex who was iffy about tests etc and actually I should have known then that he wasn't right for me. My current partner has herpes and told me very early on, before any physical contact. He wanted me to make an informed decision and once I did, he spoke to the doctor and started taking the medication. It's always a risk but I have several friends who are doctors specialising in sexual health and they gave me some great advice. Generally they were impressed he actually told me as many don't share this.

Boopeedoop · 26/01/2022 15:32

@needreassurance

You wouldn't use 400mg of aciclovir twice a day for a week for a cold sore

I get them in my eyes nose and mouth. So yes, tablets can be given.

You need a really Frank discussion with him about your worries.

PinotPony · 26/01/2022 20:27

@needreassurance

You wouldn't use 400mg of aciclovir twice a day for a week for a cold sore

I do! And sometimes when I haven't even got a cold sore but am feeling run down and want to ensure I don't get a cold sore before an important event like a holiday or wedding.

cosmicbabe · 29/01/2022 14:08

Why were you looking through his way bag

mrsrat · 30/01/2022 09:57

You can't test for herpes unless you have an outbreak

notajokejustafact · 05/02/2022 13:57

I would ask him. I have genital herpes. I caught it from a long term partner over ten years ago. It was at the end of our relationship and in retrospect I now realise that he had it throughout our relationship but couldn't admit it.
I have always been open with sexual partners and have been with my current partner for many years without transmitting it.
I would ask him. If he can be honest with you, if he does have it, you can make sure you avoid sex if he suspects an outbreak. It would have been helpful if my ex had been honest instead of telling me he had shingles on his cock once 🙄think he was in a bit of denial.

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