Husband and sex AIBU?

[itsfreeeeeeezing1234]

Hey all please give me your honest opinions. Happily married to my husband of 9 years. We have a gorgeous 18m old son together and a puppy- it's a bit of a mad house. He works full time I work part time. Pretty nice life:
The thing is, my husband has the HIGHEST sex drive and I can't keep up with it. If he had it his way we would have sex twice a day every day. At the moment it's about once every three days. I'm always exhausted from the day, rushing around to keep the house and things in order and by the time bedtime comes I'm DONE😩 he's beginning to be a bit rude with it now and say "it's like ice age came early" and is accusing me of not finding him attractive which isn't the case at all- he's very handsome and sexy and I do find him very attractive. Is once every three days bad? Am I being unfair and I should be intimate with him more? It's like he's holding onto the past when we were young and free, not tired and no commitments. We used to have sex all the time: Thankyou x

18mo are exhausting. Have you tried talking with him about the way to make household chores more bearable? Do you have a cleaner? Not even so that you have more sec - but just so you are less tired?
Alternatively, if you can’t afford a cleaner - is he doing his fair share?

@Josuk it hasn't got anything to do with the chores really.

Firstly communication, communication, communication. Secondly it sounds like he is living like you are both in the 70's when his Mum stayed at home and his Dad went to work and that's how the jobs of the marriage were divvied up.

So you need to speak and FFS if I had sex with my DW more than once a week I would be a very, very happy DH.

If together you can share the chores then he would be a bit more tired and you less so and hopefully you'll meet in between where he has less spare energy and you more...perhaps?

Also does your son have any chores? Not right for everyone but just a thought especially as teenage boys are amazing at producing washing, washing up, in fact mess in general (from my experience that is).

Good luck!!

@itsfreeeeeeezing1234

Hmm. You said you were ‘exhausted by the end if the day from keeping the house and things in order’. And that had a direct effect on your libido.
One of the ways of changing it is outsourcing some of what makes you tired, or getting your H to do more.

And my more general comment that it may make you feel better overall. Doesn’t even have to lead to change in frequency of sex.

@Rieslinger

Firstly communication, communication, communication. Secondly it sounds like he is living like you are both in the 70's when his Mum stayed at home and his Dad went to work and that's how the jobs of the marriage were divvied up.

So you need to speak and FFS if I had sex with my DW more than once a week I would be a very, very happy DH.

If together you can share the chores then he would be a bit more tired and you less so and hopefully you'll meet in between where he has less spare energy and you more...perhaps?

Also does your son have any chores? Not right for everyone but just a thought especially as teenage boys are amazing at producing washing, washing up, in fact mess in general (from my experience that is).

Good luck!!

She has an 18 month old not 18 year old

Thank you everyone. It's really not to do with the housework etc as he does do his fair share. It's literally just me being exhausted from work and the frequency of sex !

Hire a cleaner a couple of hours a week if possible. For the house, not the DH obviously!

I think sex every 3 days is loads, with a baby.

My partner and I are much less frequent.

Sometimes I give him a hand job instead, when I'm exhausted and don't want any action myself. Not enjoyable but it reduces the tension.

This resonates with me, when we were first together we both had very high sex drives and went at it all the time. Over the years time and availability became more of a problem for me. To alleviate things I started encouraging DH to keep going when we did find time to have sex, he could/can usually go three times without stopping. Then another two after a 10 minute break. So having found the time to have sex an extra 20 minutes usually finishes him off for a few days and he definitely wouldn’t be back for more for at least 3 or 4 days.

Three times a week really sounds a lot to me, in particular after 9 years of marriage and with a young child. Agree with posters who said it is NOT about chores. Even if you have a spare 30 minutes in your evening you may not necessarily want to have sex. Shouldn't it be about quality not quantity? The mood needs to be right, the desire needs to build up.