Control

[Getbehindme]

Hello!

During discussions with my FWB about what we like and want, he's told me he ultimately really likes to be controlled. As he's done with me (exploring and understanding my wants), I'd like to explore this with him - but this is a whole new arena for me.

Where do I start? I know talking to him is a good start but I want to demonstrate to him that I've thought about it and come up with ways for us both to enjoy it within the boundaries of our sexual relationship, but I've been the more passive one in sexual relationships in the past so I'm struggling to know where to begin and I know that this is related to my own confidence, which is growing and I'm loving! I'm happy to set boundaries etc so this is about exploring for me too.

Thanks!

Woop! This sounds exciting!

I'd tie him up (physical control) blindfold (vision control) and then focus on sensory stuff - light touches, strokes, maybe spanking... think about things you own that you can use to add to the experience. All that he experiences, you control. You can even dictate how he feels about this..."this will feel soft, this will feel good," and so on.

Ooooh you’ll enjoy this. Taking control makes you feel like a goddess. Tie him up & make him beg!

Thank you! It's definitely got me thinking and I'm looking forward to it! The possibilities are endless... 😄

I could give you more ideas if it’s not TMI It’s such an enormous feeling of confidence & power to have a man totally under your control. Anyway, good luck & be gentle with him!

Oh yes please, but feel free to PM if you prefer.

Any kind of BDSM including control and restraints should start with a discussion about boundaries. Hard limits and soft limits. And safewords obviously... can't go far wrong with Red/Amber/Green.

I find it's helpful to ask how my partner wants to feel, rather than just what they want to do. There's many types of domination... does he want to feel that he's relinquished control..?... that he's humiliated...? sensory deprivation..? ...pain...?

Once you've got some broad ideas of what floats his boat, you can improvise play around that. Just make sure you check in with him as you go... "All ok? Are we still green?"

Have fun!

Following with interest as I've also got a new man who has mentioned he would like to be controlled. Haven't done anything yet but I'm more than open to the idea but haven't got a clue where to start ,my confidence is growing but not as quickly as I would like. I'm going to have to fake till I make it I think.

@Inthesameboatatmo, there were a couple of threads about this a few years ago:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1411082-Domination-advice

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sex/2452900-Boyfriend-likes-me-to-be-dominant-Im-quite-new-to-this

The first one might be best for a beginner

I should have said, don’t tie someone up without a lot of research into how to do it safely. You can mock-restrain someone by looping something loosely round their wrists, but not drawing a knot, or using tissue or crepe-paper streamers which can be easily broken

@Daftliz. Thank you I will take a look

@Inthesameboatatmo

There is another excellent thread here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sex/3421004-a-mans-request

Good luck

Hi, the comments about confidence here really chime with my own experience. Seeing the reaction you get is amazing! Would recommend safe experimenting to anyone that wants a confidence-booster

I was where you are OP. Previously always more sub, now in a switch / gentle femdom situation. And I love it!

It doesn’t just have to be in bed either. We’re not 24/7 TPE or anything like that, but he has willingly - and excitedly - given over control of some things outside the bedroom too, so for example I can tell him that I want him to go commando under his jeans one day, or control when he trims his pubic hair, or message him at work and ask for a naughty pic the next time he goes to the loo or whatever. The first few times I was a little hesitant and backed off from asking for too much but I quickly learned he absolutely loves it when I’m in charge, and he calls me his Goddess which makes me feel incredible!

You’ll learn together how comfortable you both are with you taking a Mistress (capital M) role. And don’t forget that if you have different needs, it’s important they’re met too. My man is wonderful about switching when I need it.

Enjoy and have fun!