Hating stuff he loves

[mightbealittlebitmad]

So my 15 year (8 year marriage) is suffering because I have a very low sex drive and his seems to be crazy high. He would happily do it several times a day, asks for it what feels like constantly, gets moody when I say no even if we've done it that day and now potentially because I won't do a blow job to completion it might be a deal-breaker for him. However I'm in the wrong for calling the shots and leaving the decision to him. I suggested a sex therapist but he said they will just side with me.

He's under the impression I should comprise because he loves it and it's not fair. I hate it, have tried it several times and still hate it. I am not a fan of oral on me but he is mad for it and is frustrated that I feel nothing.

I feel like since my drive has dipped his has gone the other way. He's feeling rejected, getting moody because of it and as a result I'm feeling more and more turned off.

I can't help not liking something, I've given it a fair shot and now I'm saying no.

I made a thread last year about the issue plus anal in that he was miserable because I didn't do them. He's recently been talking to a female friend about this who happens to enjoy these things so I think it's making him compare us and he feels like I should like it too.

He is very highly sexed, when I say no he says he can't sleep unless he gets off so he does himself next to me but will often touch me at the same time which makes me feel really weird.

We have been having troubles recently and decided to split it up because of our differing sex drives but that same night he groped me whilst getting himself off so he could sleep. We are very up and down about the potential break up because that's the only issue we have but it's turning into something huge and creating a massive wedge and a whole load of tension.

Can a therapist fix things like this? Am I being unfair for not doing something I hate because he likes it? I spoke to a female friend who has an almost identical relationship in terms of time and kids and she also lacks interest but her husband has never done anything like the above and she thinks it's not on which to be honest it's not.

I'm just so stuck, the prospect of leaving is daunting, I can't imagine him not being around but at the same time I would love to not have to feel like I need to have sex or be all lovey dovey otherwise the other person feels neglected, gets moody and things become tense.

He sounds like a sex pest

@dementedpixie

He sounds like a sex pest

I would agree and that's how I feel he is being.

I do understand his feelings of rejection and I try to make him feel wanted in other ways like cooking etc but he's seems to be all about the physical side. I'm not one for being tactile, never have been, everyone who knows me knows this but he's started realising I'm not one for touchyness and it's making him feel unwanted. He says he's always touching me which is true but it gets annoying, I feel very touched out, especially having small kids who are constantly clambering on me and touching me.

I don't feel he used to be like this, it started back in 2020 because after lockdown I was having massive wobbles about our marriage so that is what has led to him feeling rejected and unwanted but it seems to have all been transferred into sex.

He misses the several times a day period 15 years ago but it's completely unrealistic to be all over each other all the time. He would quite happily sneak off to have sex whilst the kids are awake and up and it just feels wrong. They are only 4 and 6 so have no idea but I feel like we should have some control to be able to wait!

He sounds horrible. I would call it abuse rather than just a sex pest. Groping you while he wanks! Not taking no for an answer. Horrible.

Leave him. He will never change and living like this is just vile.

He is abusing you within your marriage, that is never ok. Please tell him this and if he continues coercing you into sex or sexually abusing you, you will leave.

We are in the process of him moving out but he's still trying it on. I've told him if we have a hope of making this work he has to start at the beginning and we don't have any sex until we've worked through the issues but I know he thinks it's unfair to make him go for an unknown period of time. Anyway the things I refuse to do may end up being a deal-breaker for him and he is already considering ending the marriage on that basis so if that's the case then so be it.

This is never going to work, he fancies you and wants sex and you don't. Both valid individual feelings but one's that don't correlate into a happy marriage.
If there is no dialogue to find a compromise without pressure on either of you then neither of you are going to be satisfied with the status quo.
Better you free each other of the misery and find partners who match you respective drives.
Why subject each other to a relationship that leaves you, unsatisfied, unhappy and at loggerheads. If there's no way to change then it won't change or improve with time, only become more resentful and toxic.

There is nothing valid or justified about him bullying you into sex or sulking because you won't do anal or swallow after oral.
He gropes you while he's wanking next to you after you've said no?
He sounds repellent.
He's like a dog humping a cushion. No wonder you don't want to shag him.

Does he do anything round the house or with the DC? His discussing your sex life with some female 'friend' is disloyal as fuck.

You'll probably find your libido comes back after the humping dog has left. When it does you'll be able to enjoy it with someone who has a glimmer of respect for you and won't bully you into acts you don't enjoy.

Urgh. No wonder you're turned off. The idea of a man grabbing my ?boob while he's wanking next to me after I've said no is just unpleasant. And sulking because he's not getting sex twice a day is ridiculous.

I'd agree I wouldn't label yourself as 'having a low sex drive' - you are feeling invaded and used. Nobody feels horny in those circumstances.