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Original poster

No sex so far during pregnancy - is it just me?

12 replies

Laura3190 · 28/12/2021 14:51

Hey everyone, hoping for some reassurance that I’m not the only one feeling this way!

I’m almost 18 weeks pregnant, first baby but I had a miscarriage a year and a half ago. The miscarriage happened to coincide with the day after we had sex, I know the two things are highly likely to be totally unrelated - it wasn’t rough sex or anything like that just normal, I didn’t particularly enjoy it though because I was so sensitive down there being newly pregnant that it was uncomfortable, and the next day I had some bleeding which continued to a miscarriage.

So now fast forward and I’m 18 weeks pregnant - we haven’t had sex yet since finding out I was pregnant because I have this mental barrier. I’ve also had severe food poisoning and been so tired that it just hasn’t been something I’ve even remotely wanted BUT I am starting to feel guilty as I appreciate my partner will still have needs and I’m worried we will lose any form of intimacy if I continue this way throughout the whole pregnancy! It took so long to get pregnant that I just want to hold on with everything I can and I’m just so nervous to have sex because I’d panic about a repeat happening with the bleeding etc…

Am I being totally irrational? Has anyone else not wanted sex during pregnancy? Hoping I’m not alone with this. I know I probably need to suck it up and try it at least once to see how it feels and trust that nothing bad will happen!!

Thanks everyone Smile

OP posts:
3Parker · 28/12/2021 20:33

I was worried too of having more miscarriages. We only had PIV about twice but I would give BJs and I was happy to give them.

LadyExpecting93 · 28/12/2021 21:44

I'm 12 weeks and my Sex drive has gone. Feel bad for DP and hoping it will pick up 😂

LadyExpecting93 · 28/12/2021 21:45

Also I would have slight spotting after sex first few weeks so that's one reason we stopped.

HelloBambinos · 28/12/2021 23:32

31 weeks here with our 3rd, last pregnancy was a miscarriage with retained products, emergency surgery and sepsis so I understand your hesitation. I happen to have a rather increased sex drive atm, especially in the last month or so. I haven't had any issues and as a midwife I guess I feel more comfortable knowing I don't meet any risk factors for sex causing issues and issue and how the last miscarriage didn't have any relation to whether we had sex or not. However, everyone is different and every pregnancy is different. Bottom line is that you need to do what you feel comfortable with otherwise you won't enjoy it anyway.

EllaVaNight · 29/12/2021 11:07

We had many losses and a stillbirth so I totally understand the mental block.

What helped for us was a very candid chat with the midwife and doing things other than PIV sex. In fact, piv was too uncomfortable for me in the last couple of months anyway. We found plenty of other things to do!

I suggested to my partner about me giving him bjs but he didn't feel comfortable receiving but not giving so that's when we spoke to the midwife and explored other things. It was easier for us as we didn't always do piv anyway.

MylittleLovebug · 31/12/2021 17:26

We had some sex until I was showing, it weirdly put me off and I didn't feel like it dh was fine about it

blameless · 31/12/2021 21:04

Following a miscarriage, I was both relieved and anxious, fifteen months later, when we found out that my wife was pregnant again.
I didn't dare touch her for fear of a repeat which she was very happy with. The pregnancy went well but while we're still together, we haven't had sex since. DC is now early twenties.
Nobody should be expected to do anything they don't want to or are uncomfortable with. Please speak to him about it and think of alternatives to PIV that you both enjoy.
Good luck.

Mwnci123 · 04/02/2022 14:53

I hate sex when pregnant and we just didn't do it. It was fine afterwards.

celiamary · 04/02/2022 15:51

I had increased longings for it, had to convince DH it was OK and I wasn't so fragile.
But I understand your reluctance.
We switched to spoons, on my side, the weight is supported. My friend was having sex when her waters broke. (She says) But it was her third.
I didn't try to beat that!

MrsGHarrison87 · 04/02/2022 17:27

I actually found sex in pregnancy amazing and found my orgasms more intense. I didn't like the idea of it to begin with but I have a huge sex drive and after a week I was climbing the walls. I just took it slow and after a few times we were just having sex as normal.

Altmember · 04/02/2022 22:24

You need to talk to your partner about it, rather than feeling guilty. I expect he'll have exactly the same concerns after the previous miscarriage. Even though it was most likely nothing more than an unfortunate coincidence, it's natural for both of you to make the connection.

Ark10 · 01/03/2022 13:36

To be honest I was too scared of having sex with my wife during pregnancy but it is hard because no matter how much you try and explain it it can be taken as rejection!

In the end we tried reverse cowgirl in the shower and that worked both in terms of pleausre for us both and also neither feeling scared of risk to baby

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