Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Sex

You need to have been registered for 7 days to post in the Sex forum. Please don’t send unwanted PMs to other users.

Original poster

He won’t ever just do missionary

26 replies

DoleWhipFloat · 28/12/2021 12:48

DH and I have a fairly active and regular sex life. At least two or three times a week is the norm, and this suits us both. If we’re on holiday, like now, we can enjoy much more.

DH is very experimental and generous. He loves to try new positions and often switches it up during the act. Sometimes, sex can be like a full-on work out.

Whilst I don’t dislike this, and I do have a lot of fun, I really would like to sometimes just have sex in the missionary position. Lazy, comfortable, face to face romantic sex. But we never do this….well, maybe once a year.

I’ve spoken to DH. I’ve commented during movies how nice it looks. I’ve had conversations about our favourite positions and stated missionary is mine. I’ve pulled him on top of me, only to be kissed and then flipped right back into a different position.

I don’t understand why we can’t just ‘make love’ for once, instead of all the acrobatics, which is so much effort. I know I get tired, and sometimes I think my DHs leg muscles must be burning like mad. We’ve been together over 25 years (met in high school), so he’s definitely not trying to impress me, and this isn’t a new thing…he’s always been the same.

Any advice - I know it’s not end of the world stuff, but I really miss feeling romance during sex.

OP posts:
Ohmycron · 28/12/2021 22:00

Just say no?

Flowers500 · 29/12/2021 00:13

Missionary is pretty shit to be fair.

But is he actually having sex, or is he doing a routine of pointless position changes to make him seem like he knows what he’s doing? He sounds pretty shit at it to be honest

Original poster
DoleWhipFloat · 29/12/2021 03:30

@Flowers500

Missionary is pretty shit to be fair.

But is he actually having sex, or is he doing a routine of pointless position changes to make him seem like he knows what he’s doing? He sounds pretty shit at it to be honest

I’m not really sure. I mean, I genuinely used to think it was great. But it exhausts me now. I feel like I’ve always got to have my legs wrapped around my head twice, or be hovering mid air using just my upper arm strength to keep me there. I think I would just for once like to lay back, look into his eyes and enjoy, without ending up a sweaty, knotted up mess. Quite often I end up feeling slightly sick from being shook up so much. He used to watch A LOT of porn in his youth. I’m not sure if that’s why the missionary just doesn’t appeal to him. I know you say it’s shit, but I like it.

Thing is, I’m early 40’s and am not sure how long I can keep this up. It’s becoming hard work and a lot of effort, rather than enjoyment.

OP posts:
Ohmycron · 29/12/2021 08:20

Oh that does sound crap for you.

Flowers500 · 29/12/2021 10:26

It sounds like he has no idea how to actually have sex…

EllaVaNight · 29/12/2021 11:10

This, to me, sounds like he isn't confident in his abilities at all so tries to make up for it with elaborate positions.

You need to have an honest talk about how you feel, obviously not at a time when you're having or have just had sex!

Original poster
DoleWhipFloat · 29/12/2021 12:40

@EllaVaNight

This, to me, sounds like he isn't confident in his abilities at all so tries to make up for it with elaborate positions.

You need to have an honest talk about how you feel, obviously not at a time when you're having or have just had sex!

He is confident. He just likes what he likes. He enjoys throwing me about, being in control, doing whatever he likes to me and for me to submit to it all. He thinks I enjoy it too. He can be quite rough and excitable, he knows that there are few boundaries. Sex is always like some sort of male dominant porn film.
Afterwards he always asks did I have fun. I always say yes. I’m lying.

I know why we never having loving missionary position sex. It’s because his fantasy is to dominate and use me and I’ve pretended that it’s our fantasy. I don’t think he could get off just having ‘normal’ sex.

OP posts:
EllaVaNight · 29/12/2021 13:52

Afterwards he always asks did I have fun. I always say yes. I’m lying. Which still comes back to poor communication. You need to tell him what you do and don't like. You may not be compatible sexually. This is why lying about if you enjoyed it only serves one person!

Weedoogie · 29/12/2021 19:16

You need to be honest with him - and the more and the longer you've been lying about it, the harder it is to change to being honest

But, in general, you need to be able to talk to the person with whom you rub your genitals together regularly. Otherwise, don't do it

Maze76 · 29/12/2021 21:17

Missionary can be quite erotic, sex begins in the mind. It’s all very well doing gymnastics and your best impression of a contortionist, but if it’s not satisfying, then it’s crap sex.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting a romantic, love making session. Like others have said, communication is key, talk to him, otherwise nothing will change.

RedLipClass · 29/12/2021 22:13

I would really miss missionary, it's one of my favourites. I find you can get a really pleasurable angle in missionary. It's also nice to be able to look each other in the eye when having sex. So I get where you're coming from, OP. Getting thrown around is fun but I wouldn't want that all the time.

My boyfriend likes to be dominant in sex and I enjoy being submissive and we incorporate that into missionary through dirty talk. Would that be something you could suggest? It's really hot to be able to make eye contact while saying really dirty things to each other. Would that interest him?

FabulousMrFifty · 29/12/2021 23:45

Just missionary would be boring for me

Namechangednorth · 30/12/2021 03:48

@RedLipClass

I would really miss missionary, it's one of my favourites. I find you can get a really pleasurable angle in missionary. It's also nice to be able to look each other in the eye when having sex. So I get where you're coming from, OP. Getting thrown around is fun but I wouldn't want that all the time.

My boyfriend likes to be dominant in sex and I enjoy being submissive and we incorporate that into missionary through dirty talk. Would that be something you could suggest? It's really hot to be able to make eye contact while saying really dirty things to each other. Would that interest him?

I agree. Missionary or me in back and legs back or over his shoulder. I love the eye contact but if he talks dirty to me and looking directly at me it is extremely hot and erotic for me. Perhaps suggest that? Does he talk dirty to you at all?
Lennon80 · 01/01/2022 21:21

He sounds porn sick - I’d be really upset not having emotional ‘normal’ connecting sex.

onemorerose · 07/01/2022 23:32

How about you take control, tell him how you want sex and take it from there. I agree with above posters and love it when a man is on top of me looking into my eyes and I can see the lust. If he talks dirty to me at that point I am over.

Original poster
DoleWhipFloat · 07/01/2022 23:48

@Lennon80

He sounds porn sick - I’d be really upset not having emotional ‘normal’ connecting sex.
Yep. I think this is the case.
OP posts:
Original poster
DoleWhipFloat · 07/01/2022 23:52

@onemorerose

How about you take control, tell him how you want sex and take it from there. I agree with above posters and love it when a man is on top of me looking into my eyes and I can see the lust. If he talks dirty to me at that point I am over.
He doesn’t really respond to me taking control. In the bedroom at least. He does talk dirty to me, but refers to me as something he owns as opposed to words of how much he loves me or how sexy I am.

He’s a great husband, helps with our child; does his fair share around the home; is kind and generous on a day to day basis; is sweet and loving and affectionate. But he changes in the bedroom into someone who is rough and controlling and demanding.

I know this sounds sad, but I just want to feel loved and appreciated during sex. I assume this is boring though.

OP posts:
Aphrodite31 · 08/01/2022 00:05

@Flowers500

It sounds like he has no idea how to actually have sex…
This
PermanentTemporary · 08/01/2022 00:21

Missionary is my favourite. I love control play and lots of other stuff and would say I have a pleasantly varied sex life, but a man who was not prepared EVER to give me the intimate quiet connection side of sex would not be giving me what I want and need.

I'd agree he sounds oddly unevolved. I used to experience this sort of multiple position change stuff a lot when I was much younger and I associate it with men who have no idea what actually induces arousal and pleasure in me, or in a lot of women - ie doing the same thing for a long time with very slow and intuitive changes.

You're going to have to broach this. He should I hope know that he's a lucky man to get exactly the kind of sex he likes this often. He needs to broaden his skillset.

Heartofglass12345 · 08/01/2022 01:56

I think the porn is a factor here, he probably thinks that's how sex should be done and he gets off on using you.

I love being dominated but my husband only does things he knows I like, he wouldn't just start throwing me around like a rag doll.

You need to have an open discussion with him and tell him how it makes you feel, and there are other ways he could do it without being so rough as well.

It can't be good for your emotional well being to be pretending you enjoy what he is doing to you Sad

Spritesobright · 11/01/2022 11:43

I feel really sad for you reading this. All that time and he doesn't know what kind of sex you really want.
How can it be boring to have loving, connected sex?!?
That's just BS the porn industry has fed us.
FWIW my partner and I alternate between "loving" and more rigorous sex depending on our mood/inclination.
You have just as much right to enjoy yourself having sex as he does! Tell him how you feel.

Pky45 · 11/01/2022 13:14

How can it be boring to have loving, connected sex?!?

I can see both sides, I’m also in the “missionary is just boring”, camp, it’s just dull, but if you want more of that than you will have to speak up.

FWIW if someone said it “just missionary” or a cup of tea, I’d probably say “white no sugar, thanks”

Thehop · 11/01/2022 15:25

When he asks “did you have fun?” And you lie. Don’t lie:

“We’ll it was very impressive to any onlookers, as usual, love……but I’ve told you my favourite is missionary. To be close to you and have sex together rather than you fuck me. Makes me sad you won’t do it.”

Original poster
DoleWhipFloat · 11/01/2022 15:40

@Thehop

When he asks “did you have fun?” And you lie. Don’t lie:

“We’ll it was very impressive to any onlookers, as usual, love……but I’ve told you my favourite is missionary. To be close to you and have sex together rather than you fuck me. Makes me sad you won’t do it.”

This is so perfect 😂
OP posts:
Pky45 · 11/01/2022 15:47

@Thehop

When he asks “did you have fun?” And you lie. Don’t lie:

“We’ll it was very impressive to any onlookers, as usual, love……but I’ve told you my favourite is missionary. To be close to you and have sex together rather than you fuck me. Makes me sad you won’t do it.”

.. but there are 2 people in the bedroom not just one…

Just suppose you suddenly have lots of missionary sex.

When you ask him “did you have fun”, and this time he doesn’t lie and says “No, it wasn’t very exciting for me, it makes me sad that’s all you ever want”.

Then what?

This topic prevents users from posting on it until they have been members for at least 7 days.

Swipe left for the next trending thread